Being used

Being used, but in a good way. Being used by God. I want an itinerary of when God will use me. Of course that isn’t going to happen but it would be nice to know ahead of time when you’re to be a blessing to someone. I remember fervently praying a couple of years ago asking God to use me. I wanted so badly to do something “great” in His name. I didn’t realize at the time I was being used for my own family. Encouraging my older girls to be involved in youth group, driving them to and from, having discussions about God and Jesus and the bible. He was using me and I didn’t recognize it. Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. God uses us for his glory but in ways only he knows since he’s the one orchestrating the whole thing anyway. I’m realizing lately just how much He is in control and it’s striking and comforting. When I look at my life and the way things have fallen into place there is no other answer except “It’s God”. There are no coincidences and “oh isn’t that funny”. Nope, it’s The Lord.

One such example is Thomas’ school. They were the only school who called and I wasn’t even going to answer the phone. Thanks be to God that I did or The Holy spirit prompting me to pick up the phone. If I never had that conversation which led to visiting the school and eventually Thomas’ attendance I honestly don’t know what we would have done at that time. It was a desperate time for us and God hand picked this school for Thomas. I truly believe that with all I am. I’m wondering if this new job was handpicked for me for whatever reason. I wanted part time office work in Manhattan. I wanted to work as a nurse. Those criteria were met in that exact fashion. I’m almost afraid to believe this job is a direction that could only be guided by The Lord. But who else knew exactly what I wanted. No one. Why is it so hard to convince myself that I am deserving of being directed and controlled and the recipient of gifts by God? I consider God controlling my life almost too good to be true. I don’t see myself as being deserved of such attentive direction. Yet I will strongly proclaim His handiwork in the lives of just about everyone around me.

I do believe He is in control and I praise him. I seriously need to let go and let God.


I’m still in training but that’s ok as I think training will be coming to an end rather soon. I think I’m ok with training ending, it means I’ll be on my own and that’s a step forward. I like the job, I like the people I meet. I never in a million years thought I’d be working at this job. Never. My family has had to adjust a bit nothing earth shattering but I depend on the girls to be here to watch Samantha or pick her up from school. They’ve been cooperative and supportive so what more could I ask for?

For quite some time I’ve been questioning if God really has a plan for me. I felt as if I were floating around with no direction, sending my resume out for months with no replies whatsoever. Then it seems like BAM! All of a sudden I have this job and the hours are perfect and even in Manhattan. And for the icing on the cake, I went to bible study last night and it felt so right to be there. As if I was right where I was supposed to be.

I no longer feel like I’m floating around with no direction. I feel like I do have a direction, I don’t know where I’m going, just that I’m on my way. I believe that God has a plan, but what that plan is I have no idea. In God’s own timing will I find out what his plan is. And yet again I’m reminded of the patience required to trust God’s timing.