Hurry up and wait…

I’ve spoken to the director of the agency who owns the group home we want Thomas to live at. In turn he, the director; spoke to the person from the state who is in charge of finding a group home for Thomas. The director informed state guy that we want Thomas in his group home, I called state guy and told him Tommy and I want Thomas in that particular group home. Sounds simple right? No. Now state guy needs to see if the state and the powers that be, will approve Thomas leaving his current school before he turns 21. I’m not good at waiting. Not good at all.

We need prayers guys! Prayers that this is God’s will that Thomas is to live in this group home. I told state guy that we are totally okay with Thomas leaving his school before he turns 21. I get almost giddy to think he could be living so close to us. I imagine simply having him over for dinner, going to the mall just “because” on a Wednesday night, walking down to the “famous” Italian ice place down the street on a summer night… Not having to schedule and plan every single visit. Don’t get me wrong I adore the staff where Thomas is now and they have been completely accommodating to us and it will be difficult to leave them, but it’s time for a move and I pray this is God’s plan for us. But for now we wait. I don’t like waiting and not knowing. This is so out of our hands: But I know it is in God’s hands.

And so I pray. And I ask my prayer warriors to join me.

Waiting on the group home and social media…

It’s been over a week since we visited the group home. We are now waiting, praying and hoping Thomas gets in. I haven’t heard anything from anybody. Nothing from the agency director and nothing from the pushy guy from the state. I guess no news is good news. I know for certain we won’t hear anything until God feels it’s time for us to know. I’m a firm believer in God’s timing. His timing is perfect and always *right*. This isn’t to say I’m not worried or anxious, I am but not in a frantic way. If Thomas doesn’t get in to this group home there will be another one out there that will fit him and us perfectly.

I’ve been reintroduced to Twitter. I started an account a while ago when I was selling at flea markets and such but then stopped. I have a handful of followers and that’s fine. I started following my daughters and their friends…haha! Should be interesting. I’ve also reintroduced myself to Instagram. I’m “Nayaudo” on Instagram if you’re so inclined to follow me. All this social media, whew! I finally feel caught up, a little.

Life is good. Still full of bumps and bruises here and there but overall good and I’m glad to be here. Scored some awesome finds at the thrift, that’s always a good thing. I’ve finally discovered my happy place, well one of them anyway. You guessed it the Thrift store. I don’t worry about anything when I’m there. I know I’ve written about this before. I just concentrate on the thrill of the hunt, what am I going to find? OHMYGOSH is that my size?! Just a sampling of what goes on in my head when I’m there. Every now and then I’ll text my daughters asking them if they want something I’ve found. Today I sent my Alyssa a picture of these awesome red jeans. Lucky brand no less and in my size! But…I had no idea how to style/wear them. Alyssa sends me back a pic of a woman wearing a black and white striped shirt and a black sweater over the top with you guessed it red denim. Low and behold I was able to copy the exact look at the thrift store. I’m thrilled and Alyssa got a good laugh and tweeted about me. One of her friends called me a queen. Love them, lol!

So here’s to hearing more about the group home and more awesome thrift finds!

A group home…

My husband and I went to see a group home for our son yesterday. My head was spinning a bit as this wasn’t supposed to happen for well over another year or so. The “plan” was for Thomas to graduate from current school, Tommy and I would tour many group homes selecting only the best for our son. Don’t get me wrong the group home we saw yesterday was absolutely wonderful. It’s just not the way I envisioned us doing this. Yesterday’s visit came on the heels of a phone call in which I was being pressured to accept group home placement for Thomas in other boroughs of NYC, none of which were his home borough.

To backtrack a bit; I was talking with my bible study small group leader about wanting Thomas to be here where we live when it was time for him to go to a group home. My co-leader then gave me the phone number of the director of the agency who owns the house we visited yesterday. After the pressured phone call, I was upset and wanted to be proactive so I called the director who immediately took my call. We chatted and I explained the situation and he said he had an opening in one of his group homes. It is no coincidence that I was given the phone number when I was. God is so good. I’ve been praying that Thomas be placed here. Now we have a solid chance at that happening. Sooner than we thought but God works on His own timetable, not ours. His ways are higher than ours; that is so true.

To talk more about the group home, yes it was wonderful. Each resident has their own room, the age population is very diverse, and the staff we met takes their job very seriously. There is a nurse on staff, a psychologist and a behaviorist also on staff. The house was very clean and you could tell they didn’t just clean up that day because we were coming. I’m still praying that Thomas gets placed there as nothing is set in stone yet. God has a plan and we need to honor that plan. Faith in God is more than worship it is complete trust in Him. I’m still working on the trust part. Even though He hasn’t failed me yet. God is so good.

In The Car

We were on
our way to Shoprite to buy some fruit and other groceries we’ve inevitably ran out of before I do the big shopping trip for the week after the weekend. The radio is on and my girls are talking and laughing with each other. All three of them, chatting it up and giggling/laughing, just getting along. It was sweet and I was so glad to be there. Be there in that moment that years ago I would have taken for granted. Lately I’m getting such great pleasure out of just “being”. And grabbing every moment for what it’s worth. I felt so privileged to be there, driving, being an active part of my girls’ lives. I loved that they were joking around with each other, I reveled in listening to Samantha being her 9 year old self holding her own against 2 older teenage sisters.

Earlier this evening I had the rare opportunity to spend time with my Daniella. She’ll be 15 at the end of this month. We had precious time alone on the way to and back from a pediatrician appointment. The appointment wasn’t anything special or serious, just a follow up. Daniella and I had a great conversation in the car. I love car conversations as you never know what can come up or what you’ll think to talk about. I love that my spirited middle daughter is just as spirited now as she was when she was younger. Except when she was younger she drove me up a wall. She’s since tamed that spirit and it’s one of her greatest assets.

Alyssa has been quite chatty about upcoming events in her life. Prom, graduation, choosing a college… We’ve yet to hear from one last college and I’ve been praying she gets into this last one. I’ve given it to the Lord, it’s in His hands and Alyssa will go to whatever school He sees fit for her to go.

Speaking of the Lord, I’m especially grateful to Him for giving me these girls. He’s truly blessed me and I know how special they are. Tonight I honestly felt like I was given the greatest gifts in my girls. Thomas is a blessing in his own right but my 3 girls are like jewels. Each one sparkles in their own way and each one is different than the other.

I’m glad to be here to enjoy them.

Being In The Now.

The other day (my birthday) my husband and I were talking about when we were younger and dating. We began dating around age 17 but met when we were 15 years old. He asked me when did I know that I wanted to marry him. I told him I remember it vividly. We were driving on the highway towards my house (my Mom and Dad’s house). We were talking about how we were back together after a breakup fueled by teen angst. I remember feeling that this was permanent. I was going to marry this boy. We were about 18 years old at the time. This isn’t to say we dated happily ever after. There were a few more teen angst break ups along the road to engagement time. But I am glad we stayed together and eventually married. He really is my best friend.

I also asked my husband if he ever wanted to “go back” like to when we were younger say in our early 20’s. Tommy answered that only if he could know what he knows now. Smart man. I find it amusing that I can remember so well something that happened over 20 years ago yet my kids ask me if I remember something from a couple of years ago and I’m completely clueless. A couple of years ago was during my depression and I didn’t ever feel “in the moment” like I do now. Today I feel so in the present and I’m glad to be here. I’m glad I have the state of mind that I do. I didn’t realize how detached I was back then until I’m asked to remember something.

I don’t like staying in a remembrance of the past. It was really nice a couple of weeks ago when we got together with old friends from years ago/high school. It was nice to reminisce but it was equally as nice to talk about our lives now, our kids now, us as a whole now; to be in the present with people from the past.

I’m so thankful to be a part of the “now”.

I used to think…

Before I had my son I used to think kids who weren’t talking were never read to or talked to by their care givers, I used to think people who yelled at their kids were monsters and didn’t deserve their kids. I used to think having a child in a special ed class was a terrible “label” and it would follow that child where ever he/she may go and not with good consequences.
I used to think having a son who was labeled mentally retarded was the worst thing ever. So much so that I badgered a developmental pediatrician who wrote that in an evaluation report to also add an addendum that I as the child’s mother vehemently disagreed with his findings.

I used to think a lot of things. Used to. Then life hit with an impact. I had a son who was speech impaired for seemingly no reason when he was a toddler. I tried to read to him as well as you could read to a busy and disinterested toddler. I am a “yeller” or I was anyway. And I know I’m in good company because a lot if not most of my mom friends were yellers too. My son started receiving special education services when he was 3 years old. I swallowed my pride and accepted their “label”, little did I know that such a label is not a bad thing but a ticket to other services he was entitled to such as Physical therapy and occupational therapy. Today I encourage any labels “they” want to put on my son as it doesn’t change who he is to me, because with those labels now comes placement beyond the board of education. My son’s time being educated and cared for by the board of ed is coming to an end as of next year when he turns 21. New labels may be more appropriate for him as an adult.

I used to think depression was a state of mind and that one should just snap out of it or look around at all they have that is good in their life. I now know depression is a real chemical imbalance in one’s brain and there is no “snapping out” of it. You simply can not. Depression clouds all your thinking and makes you feel worthless no matter what riches you possess whether it be a terrific family or terrific wealth.

I used to think God was a mystical father figure only interested in us on Sunday mornings. I used to think Jesus was the son of God who died upon a cross; period. I now know with all my being that God is real; period. He is with us all the time and not just on Sundays. And that Jesus died for my sins and yours. I know now that His grace is sufficient. Jesus’ life and death and resurrection is the best example of love that I know. And I humble myself to follow him the best that I can.