First day of my new week

I worked one day last week to complete training today my new job. After that was the wake and then funeral for my much loved father in law. I offered to my supervisors to return again on Friday after the funeral but they told me to just start on Monday, start new for a new week. To be honest I was grateful they told me to not go in on Friday my head wasn’t together enough to go to work.

So tomorrow I start my first week of my new life. Working full time. It’s going to be an adjustment for us. Everyone is so used to me being here, heck I’m used to me being here, all the time. I’ll have to adjust the most normal things in life like when I’ll go food shopping, when I’ll get my nails done, I’ll have to meal plan, things I never thought of before as a mostly stay at home mom.

My dress code is business casual so I went shopping on Friday for a few things. I’m worried I’ll hate the things I have to wear. I’ve never been in a business casual environment before. Have I mentioned the area I’m working in is very cold. Tommy says it’s because there are a lot of computers, that makes sense. I just wasn’t prepared for the temperature to be that cold. So this past Friday I made sure I purchased a couple of long cardigans. I must say I miss Manhattan already for the great sale rack at Banana Republic.

I keep thinking back to the last real conversation I had with Chick, my father in law. I was telling him about this job, what I would be doing and that it was full time. He was so happy for me. It makes my head spin that in such a short period of time such a drastic life change could take place. I know he’s with our Lord.  I know he’s looking down at us in peace with no more suffering.

So I’ve picked out my clothes and figured out what to take for lunch and have my bag packed for whatever paper work I’ll need. I’m off…tomorrow!


This Week…

This week my family said goodbye to a father, a grandfather, a husband, a father in law, a friend, a neighbor, an all around wonderful man. It was one of the most difficult wakes and funerals I’ve been through. This man was my father in law who treated me as if I were his own daughter. I blogged about him in my last blog post titled “Bye…Babe”. Chick called everyone “Babe”. It was his term of endearment. I always felt his warmth when he called me Babe.

I’m truly going to miss Chick. Or Chicklet as I used to call him. He would smile when I addressed him that way. I can’t believe he’s gone. Just before he became ill I was telling him about my new job. The job I am hired to do now. That is how sudden the decline in his health came upon him. He was happy for me when I told him about the job. But that’s the way Chick was, he would be happy for you, not jealous or envious because you were doing something he wasn’t.

The funeral was so very difficult. It was truly the very final goodbye to a very good man. Marie, my mother in law and his wife broke your heart. She loved him fiercely and him her. When I cried with her she would say to me, “you have no idea how this feels…” and I would just look at her with tears in my eyes and say no I don’t. How could I know how she feels? I can only imagine and I’m sure that isn’t even close.

I’m going to miss Chicklet and his kind and loving manner. The father in law that was more than an “in law” to me.


My father in law, “Chick” passed away early yesterday morning. He was 80 years old and probably the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. I met Chick when I was 17 years old almost 30 years ago. He never failed to make me feel welcome in his home. He always had a smile on his face and a twinkle in those blue eyes. The kind of man people would say, “He’d give you the shirt off his own back” and the truth is Chick actually would do that. He adored his family both blood and by marriage. I never felt like an inlaw with Chick I felt like an actual daughter because he treated me like one.

He loved me like a daughter and I loved him like a father. It was easy to do with Chick. He was warm and affectionate and never failed to make you feel at ease. He adored his grandchildren with an unabashed adoration that was sweet to bear witness to. I will miss him and my children will miss their Poppy. There will never be another Chick nor should there be, he was truly one of a kind.

More on My Dad

My Dad is now  recouperating in a rehab facility near his home. His surgeon wants his body to heal further before he starts chemotherapy. A few days ago I wasn’t even sure he was going to chose chemo. I don’t know how I feel either way about yes chemo or no chemo. I do want my dad to fight or rather I want to fight for him if that were possible. The only thing I can do is be there for him and pray and have my prayer warriors pray with me as they’ve been doing so faithfully.

As far as how my dad is doing these days,   he’s doing well. He looks good, his color is good; he’s pink not pale or sallow looking. At meeting him you’d  never know he has the diagnosis he has or has been through the surgery and sickness he’s been through. My mom upgraded his flip phone (yes I know…) to an iPhone and he’s been awesome about using it. In conversation he asks about other people and isn’t solely focused on himself when we talk. I don’t cry in front of my dad, well I haven’t so far and I have no intentions to do so.

I find when I’m with him I’m fine. No tears, no breaking down or unable to speak about him. I wish I could find a way to take that peace with me when I leave him.

Ok I lied. Today I came thisclose to crying in front of my father. I managed to get out of his room and on the elevator before the tears started. It’s so hard. img_2169


Things I’ll miss About Manhattan

It looks like the new job is going to be a reality. I still can’t believe it. So I’m sending my resignation for the Manhattan job. I’m going to miss going to the city. I truly love New York. I like the ferry ride over and I never minded the subway. Except the times I had to take the 6 train on Saturdays. My gosh it would be so, so crowded. But that changed when my office moved to 5th Ave and I would take the R train to 34th st. Perfect. Never too crowded and hardly ever empty that you would feel the creeps.

I’ll miss the anonymity you have while walking the streets of Manhattan. You rarely run into someone you know; it’s as if you’re on a mini vacation from your life when you’re in the city. I’ll also miss the stellar shopping of 34th st. Oh and 14th st Union Square! Some days if I were finished super early I’d stop at the Nordstrom Rack in Union Square. I scored a gorgeous Missoni dress for 39.00 and Valentino sunglasses! I’ll  have to make it a point to return there when I have the chance.

I won’t miss taking the bus home from the ferry. Although the bus is excellent for people watching. You never know who you’ll sit next to or across from. The worst had to be when an actual fist fight broke out right there in front of me on the bus! Unbelievable. For the most part though people on the bus mind their own business and read or talk (loudly) on their phones.

My new job will be local, here where I live so there will be a minimal commute of me driving my car to and from. That will be nice, to be finished with work and be home in 15 minutes. I’ve  been “collecting” business casual clothes in anticipation of this job. That will be a change for me as well. At the Manhattan gig this summer I wore sundresses, skirts and sandals, and now that it’s cooler I’m wearing jeans (dark rinse no distressing or holes) with a button down and flats. I almost can’t wait to be business casual to wear my new clothes; like a kid in September, haha!

So it’s good bye for now  Manahattan and hello local job!

The New Puppy

About a month ago we decided it was time to get another dog. Our 14 year old poodle, Spike had passed away a few months ago and we were used to having 2 dogs in the house. We adopted our 2nd dog named Riley from a rescue group about 3 years ago and she’s just the best dog ever! So affectionate and docile.

So onward and upward! We go to our local Petsmart who is hosting an adoption event and we meet “Geri” a 4 month old “Labrador/hound” mix puppy. I was originally adamant saying no puppies nope, nope! Yeah…right…  next thing I know I’m filling out the adoption application, agreeing to a home visit, etc, etc…

All goes well and “Geri” comes home with us after a very long in depth discussion of what it’s like to have a puppy in your home with the adoption coordinator. Upon arriving home Geri quickly became “Lola” and her name suits her. In the 5-6 weeks that we’ve had her she answers to her name it’s really cute.

But…She is a puppy. She’s already chewed up one of my favorite sneakers and a pair of Samantha’s sneakers. What is it about sneakers anyway??  Most of my shoes are know in my closet safe from puppy teeth and we keep an almost endless supply of chew things for Lola to keep her puppy mouth busy. Lola also loves to jump all over and “play” with Riley. It’s quite comical to watch. At first Riley tolerates her then she’ll join in like alright already !

I haven’t mentioned Lola’s bark which is quite loud. When one of us comes home she has to bark at us as if she’s announcing us home. It’s not really that cute since she’s so loud but it is nice that she gets so excited to see us when we come home.

So getting a puppy is almost like having another kid. You have to watch them, train them, make sure they don’t get into anything dangerous… good times I tell you. But they are fun times.


Went to Work

I went to work today as I do most Tuesdays. It felt good to get away. To get away to the isle of Manhattan for a little while. The ferry ride over was nice and relaxing. While I was on the ferry the main office called to tell me my client was running a half hour late, was that ok? Of course it was, it gave me time to return a sweater I recently purchased and didn’t like and of course have some retail therapy in the process.  Love Banana Republic! Actually I love all of 34th st. All the stores and the sales oh my! Sometimes I don’t even have to buy anything I can just look at all the “stuff” and be on my way.

There’s this one cosmetic store called “Lush” I’m not sure of what they sell outside of the bath bombs Daniella always buys but oh my gosh does that store smell good. They always keep the door open so you don’t even have to go in to enjoy the aromas that come from there. It’s amazing.

I’ve visited The Gap and Banana Republic more times than I care to admit. Again, I don’t always buy but I Iove, love checking out their clearance sections. I’m feeling good about buying clothes again as I’ve lost a few pounds. Yay me 😀. Nothing major but enough to be encouraging and know I’m going in the right direction.

Im on my way home now on the same ferry I came over on. It’s a beautiful afternoon to be here.




Upside Down

My dad is still in the hospital recovering from his surgery. From there he’ll go to a rehab facility to receive physical therapy as it’s been so long since he’s walked even a single step. But for now the concern is feeding him. He hasn’t eaten in 12 days according to my mom. Everything is in small steps and that’s ok. I wouldn’t expect things to suddenly be back on course so soon after such a surgery.

I feel as though someone took my world and turned it upside down. Like there we were going along just fine and there it is…cancer. And the worry that comes along with the word “cancer”. Because it’s not just a single word; it’s what “stage?”, are lymph nodes involved? and what does that mean? Google is not your friend. Pathology reports seem to take forever. And when the reports are ready do you really want to know what they say?  Of course you do. But there’s that part of you that doesn’t.

This song by Casting Crowns sums up how I feel.







Being ok

Since my dad has been diagnosed with cancer. I keep going between being “okay” and not being ok, like holding back tears not being ok. I find myself in prayer quite often. Praying for my dad, praying for more time, praying for God’s holy hand of healing to gather the cancer cells and whisk them away as only God can do. I ask The Father to give my mother strength and to keep her healthy. I pray for God to give my dads doctors the wisdom to treat him with the best possible medical treatments and therapies that exists. I pray for wise and compassionate nurses to care for him.

I have plenty of prayer warriors from church and outside church praying for my dad and my family and that touches my heart is such a special way. Because I know people mean it when they say they will pray for us.

I was able to spend most of my afternoon yesterday with my dad and mom in the hospital. As long as I was with my dad I felt fine and I felt like he was “fine” It’s when I’m not with him that my mind wanders and the worry and anxiety start to take over. Those are the times I need God the most. To lay the worry at His feet.

Today my dad is out of the ICU and in a regular room. I’m happy for the progress he’s made. I’m also glad I’ll be able to call him on his cell phone this way I can hear him being. “fine”

Having Saturday’s Off

I’ve been working just about every Saturday for the past two years now. I’m off today and it feels good. In anticipation of a new job I’m hoping to secure, I informed my boss I would no longer be working Saturdays. I have to say it feels good to not have to run around getting ready for work  while my girls are lounging around or hanging with a friend after a sleepover.

Today I have the added bonus of being glad to be home as I get to visit my Dad in the hospital. A close friend is helping me out with Samantha (thanks Martha!) and the afternoon is mine to go visit him. He’s still in the  ICU as far as I know. And I appreciate everyone who has been praying for him and our family.

I do miss going to Manhattan on a Saturday. The vibe of the city is different on weekends than during the week. The ferry has a different energy mix of tourists and residents taking advantage of happenings going on in the greatest city in the world. I’m sure I’ll get over missing going to the city on a weekend day. I’ll now be able to go at my leisure when I want to not when I have to.

Its now late Saturday afternoon and I spent most of my day with my Dad and mom at the hospital. My dad looks good considering he’s just had surgery a couple of days ago. The doctors want to move him out of the ICU and into a regular room there just isn’t one available right now.

Im glad I spent my first Saturday off with them.