The nurses I work with and I are to give a presentation on seizures today. Our focus group is the staff of the school we work at. I never thought so much about seizures before I started working here. It’s funny but clusters of diagnosis occur in different schools in different parts of the city. When I was in training I had to visit schools in Harlem, NY. At those schools asthma was the “big” or important diagnosis. I was witness to a student who was 911’d for an acute asthma attack.

Here at my school, seizure disorder/epilepsy are the more prevalent prevalent diagnosis. At first I was terrified of a student having a seizure. I felt so helpless. I’ve since gained confidence in that area of my practice. I know how to treat the person if they have medications ordered by their physician and I know how to use what’s called a Vagus nerve stimulating magnet (VNS). The VNS magnet gives a surge of electricity to the person’s brain in the event of a seizure. There are specific parameters defined by the student’s physician on how to use the VNS magnet.

We are to give our presentation to the teachers here and then to the paraprofessionals. It was totally a group effort to put it together.  And my supervisor forwarded the presentation to his supervisor and we received an email complimenting us on the work we did and that she was going to forward the presentation to their staff development department to see if they will use it. I thought that was pretty awesome.

 

 

The message at church this morning was about stepping out in faith to do God’s work. We must trust that God is working even when we don’t see Him working with our eyes. Instead of asking what is God’s will for my life, simply ask what is God’s will…?

When stepping out in faith we must always remember and internalize that God is always faithful, He will never forsake or leave you. I’ve had that experience first hand and even though there are times when I’m in the valley I know God is still there and He is worthy to be praised.

I’m at a crossroads right now  on how to increase attendance for my small group (bible study) for moms of special needs children. We meet twice a month at church and discuss ways God is working in our lives and in the lives of our children. And how we are depending on God as we face various issues related to having a child with special needs.

Do I sit back and just accept the small intimate group we have now or do I step out in faith and try to increase our number? I’ve long had a nagging feeling that I’m supposed to multiply. I have to be bold and step out in faith and trust that God is with me. The same way I stepped out in faith and applied for and was hired for the job I have; working with special needs children. I don’t believe I was put there without God purposefully working in my life. I had to first step out in faith first and then I witnessed God’s work.

I’ll pray for boldness and confidence to know that God will be with me during my efforts.

 

 

I finished my first class towards my BSN degree. It was an APA writing class which taught you how to write a paper in the style most required by colleges. I earned an 87 in the class, so a B+. I’m ok with that. Honestly I wouldn’t have earned that grade without the help of my daughter Alyssa and her boyfriend Sam. They both helped me with my assignments and showed me the beauty of Google docs. I was strictly a Microsoft Word gal before this class. I’ve since learned the error of my ways.

I am glad that class is over. I really want to begin the nursing classes. I’m fortunate that all I need to take are the nursing classes, the college I’m registered to accepted my credits from years ago when I was flip flopping on my major before I finally decided to go for nursing. So there are no electives necessary for me to take.

I never thought I’d be so eager to increase my knowledge of nursing. My family and friends can contest to the fact that for many years I wanted nothing to do with the nursing profession. It is the job I now hold that has made me fall in love with the profession. I’m doing what I always wanted to do and that is to help people and to make a difference. These special needs students and their families have made an incredible difference in me. They have allowed me into their lives to provide care only a select few get to provide. It’s a heavy gift I’ve been given. And I appreciate the weight of that gift. I remember how I was forced to trust the doctor and nurses when Thomas was in residential school. I had no choice but to believe they would do their best for my son and they did do their best. Thank God. I know the Heavenly Father was watching.

So while I’m on a break from classes I’m enjoying my time. I’ve put the tree up and it looks awesome. We were getting a live tree for the past few years but in the past 2 years the tree barely made it to Christmas Day without drooping terribly and yes I did water it. Our new artificial tree has “snow” on the branches and it looks so so good!  However I am covered with said “snow”. But it’s all good.

 

On the 12th Tommy and I will celebrate our 23rd wedding anniversary. I know it’s not a typical milestone number but I’m still excited to celebrate another year together. We’re going to the city to a Brazilian Steakhouse we visited a few years ago when we spent a tourist weekend in Manhattan. The waitstaff walks around with big skewers of cuts of every kind of meat imaginable and they slice it for you right on your plate. It’s all kinds of awesomeness.

Yesterday at work one of my fellow nurses mentioned that Tommy and I “beat the odds” staying married this long while having a special needs child. I don’t think we are anything amazing. I think we just did the best we could with the cards we were dealt. Even though Thomas is now an adult there are still challenges we face with him and there are some challenges that will never go away.  I wish I had magic words to give other couples facing similar challenges but I don’t. I think raising a special needs child is so individual to the child and to that family. There are so many different combinations of families too. I’ve met mothers of students at work who have only that special needs child. Their perspective and parenting is way different than what Tommy and I faced together. I can’t imagine not having my girls as tough as it was with everyone growing up and out in different directions. And then we go and have a 4th, ha!

Tommy and I have been together since we were 17 years old. So all in all we’ve been a couple over 30 years. He’s still so very handsome with those great green eyes of his, the same eyes our kids have. It’s nothing short of amazing the way I think of my husband and how much I love him.

Here’s to year 23!!

 

The grieving process. It’s so individual. No two people grieve the same way. There are so many factors involved. Who that person was to you, how close a bond you had, things you did together, was the person who passed on good to you, good to others?

My dad passed away February of this year. I still have a hard time talking about him. Writing about him is equally as difficult. Every single time I break down in tears. I know daddy wasn’t perfect but in my eyes he was the perfect dad to me and my siblings. Did he do everything “right?” No…but show me a parent who has. Daddy was fiercely loyal to us and that is something I love remembering about him. That and how he had a story that happened in his life that applied to just about anything you talked to him about. He was well known for his sense of humor and making other people laugh. And he had a phrase for just about any situation. My favorite is him saying it was a “shoppers sky” anytime any of us went shopping and brought home a great haul.

Freaking grieving process. It’s so easy to read about the 5 stages of grief and put other people in their stage, but try and put yourself in a stage. Not so easy. I *think* I’m in the “acceptance” stage. From what I’ve read it’snow where you say everything is ok. In fact it’s not “ok” but you’ve accepted the reality that this person is gone and that is the new reality. You don’t have to like the new reality. I remember thinking those thoughts recently. That “Ok, daddy’s not coming back and this is how things are going to be from now on.” That thought brought me to tears that day and does now just writing it out.

My faith keeps me strong in my grief for I know daddy is not only with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ but he’s also with those that have gone before him and the joy and happiness he feels has got to be indescribable! I’m reminded of Romans 8:18 “The pain that you’ve been feeling can’t compare to the joy that’s coming.” That joy has got to be amazing and simply incredible. I look forward to that joy with every fiber of my being.