When Tommy and I were first married I worked full time at one of the local hospitals. 12 hour shifts. Looks good on paper but not really all it’s cracked up to be. Some people love that schedule and thrive on it. However working as a nurse in the hospital, you also had to work every other weekend and major holidays. My first year I worked day shift on Christmas Day. It was horrible I won’t lie. I’ve also worked overnight 12 hours on Christmas Eve. Not so great either. It didn’t take long for me to discover I did not like working in the hospital and I quickly experienced burnout from the heavy unit I worked on.

After Thomas was born I returned to work at the hospital. 3-11pm shift which I did like because my patients were awake a lot of the time and I was able to meet the families and talk with them. I enjoyed that part of the of that shift. Plus I enjoyed the evening people I worked with. Much less drama than day shift. When Thomas was about 6 months old the shit hit the fan with tip of the iceberg of what was the first of his various diagnosis’. Tommy and I decided I would quit the hospital and stay home full time. It was difficult for me to spend so many hours taking care of critically ill patients and then come home and be a mom and advocate and keep up with his doctors and physical/speech therapy visits.

I really didn’t know if I wanted to continue to be a nurse after I left the hospital. I mean Thomas kept me busy enough at the time. Later, Alyssa and Lelly were born and I took a part a part time job as a nurse in a doctor’s office. It was good for me to get out but the job had its own stressors. I left there after about 3 years and again questioned whether nursing was really for me.

When one is attending nursing school little is taught about other career avenues besides working in a hospital. It’s really a disservice. No one mentions home care, school nursing, working with an agency, dialysis, etc. I discovered working for an agency and doing chart abstraction by answering an ad on Indeed, the job search site. They hired and trained me and bam there I was working full time 9-5/5 days a week as a nurse! Thomas was settled in his residential school and Samantha was in upper grade school; I was off weekends and holidays. I couldn’t ask for better. Then…the chart work stopped and I was laid off. No bueno.

I searched Indeed almost daily and stumbled upon a posting for Department of Ed, school nurse for special education/medically fragile students; District 75. Where Thomas was classified as. I knew what I was applying for. 2 days later I had an interview and was hired. I love my job. After all the time spent wondering if nursing was really for me I found my niche! Never did I think being a District 75 nurse was where I would find “me”. Never did I imagine I would so strongly identify as a nurse and then go on to earn my bachelor’s degree for a profession I once truly believed I did not belong.

It’s not easy staying home and raising children no matter what the circumstances. I spent years at doctors’ offices, IEP meetings, specialists’ offices (that did not take insurance), IQ evaluations. You name it. All while trying to ensure my typical children were being raised as they should be with a present mother.

My identity as Thomas, Alyssa, Lelly and Samantha’s mom will never change. It’s my most important identity. My identity as a registered nurse is personal as well as public. It’s something that I worked hard to earn and rediscover after years of lying dormant due to the course my life took. With my kids I’m one proud mama. With myself I’m simply proud.

The past couple of weeks my co-worker Meg and I have been training nurses new to the Dept of Education. They have different nursing experiences and backgrounds but school nursing (District 75 in NYC) for special education and medically fragile students is a new experience. They’re both very nice women and want to learn; so when they are training with us the time spent is pleasant.

While chatting one day, I mentioned that I have 4 children, the oldest of which is special needs. One of the nurses says that her son is also special needs and attends a D75 school and is doing very well. I was so happy to hear that. She asked me about my experience with Thomas when he was growing up. I tried to give a summary but those that know my story about raising Thomas know that there is no “short” version. I got up to the point where at age 11, Thomas had finished spending time at a residential school in Yonkers, NY. We were ready and eager to have him home but we didn’t know what school to have him attend here. So my son commuted every day on the DOE’s dime and school bus to Yonkers NY, but now as a day student; for a year. No one ever even mentioned a District 75 school here on Staten Island. District 75 was a big freaking secret. It still makes Tommy and I a bit angry when we talk about it.

At this point I paused and both the nurse I was talking to and myself were quiet. She spoke first and said wow, things have really changed since you went through that with Thomas, things today are very different. I was pleasantly surprised when she said that. I only know what I know. She then said, you know Menay, it’s parents like you who went through that experience that paved the way for parents like me so that we don’t have to go through what you did. I stayed quiet because I was afraid I would cry if I spoke. When I did speak I told her about parents I knew that came before me who paved the way for us with Thomas.

I never, ever saw myself as a parent who made life easier for those unintentionally following my footsteps. But I’m so, so glad our experience has made a difference.