Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side…

We were invited to arrive at Alyssa and Sam’s at 2:00pm Christmas Day. Tommy and I decided to pick up Thomas from the group home a little earlier than usual so he could come to our house; open his gifts from us, have coffee and then head out for the afternoon.

Thomas refused to unwrap any gifts. He did enjoy this huge Spider-Man squishy pillow, but nothing else. Lelly and Samantha had left early for Sam and Alyssa’s house taking Samantha’s car to help Alyssa prepare for dinner.

We arrived to Alyssa and Sam’s, and soon after Sam’s family arrived; we began exchanging gifts. Alyssa and Sam gave Thomas a 1/2 zip sweatshirt. Thomas immediately said, “I don’t like it, I don’t want that.” And proceeded to say that phrase repeatedly even though Alyssa said, it was ok, we’ll take it back, etc… Finally I had to remove the bag from his sight and hide it. It didn’t matter. Thomas still had full focus on the freaking sweatshirt. Tommy took Thomas outside to his truck to distract him, pulled out the Spider-Man pillow, chatted it up.

Dinner was served and Thomas wanted to eat alone in the kitchen. Fine. Not a problem. Tommy set him up with a full plate. The rest of us ate pleasantly in the dining room, Thomas in full sight. Dinner was uneventful, pleasant conversation, enjoying the delicious meal Alyssa prepared.

We helped clear the table. While doing so Thomas announced he wanted to take his meds and go home. I told him it was too early for the meds, but he could still go home. Thomas then announced he did not want to go home. Over and over and over. Next began the “mother fucker” phase; to me. I said to Tommy, “He’s got to go back.” Thomas refused to get up from his chair all while now saying, “I’ll be good, I’ll be good.” Over and over as if he were a tape recorder. It was horrible and the whole scene from beginning to end was about 35 minutes.

Tommy and I kept apologizing to Alyssa, then Sam. Alyssa was unflappable, she went about her business as it this wasnt happening. Too many years of experience. But this wasn’t right. My kids have been through enough over the years. Finally Alyssa said to Thomas, “come on, I’ll walk you to Daddy’s truck” and gave him her hand. Thankfully Thomas conceded and walked out of the house with Alyssa and Tommy. I was going to leave with them, but Tommy said no. He wanted me to stay and enjoy being there and talking with Sam’s mom. My husband is so good.

Just because a special needs “child” grows up, they don’t necessarily grow up. It takes a shit ton of parenting to produce results that are acceptable, along with talented physicians. There was a ton of time, effort and experienced physicians on board to ensure medications are used for that person’s best interest; it can take one crappy physician to undo what took years to accomplish. Unbelievable, seriously.

I don’t want sympathy; poor you and Tommy, poor Thomas, omg did you try x, y and z?? etc… I know who will have empathy. Those who have come before us, btdt and all I got was this lousy t shirt. I know who will have no judgement.

Parenting special needs kids/adults continues longer than you ever thought it would. It does not stop at a certain age or any age IMO. Decision making doesn’t end. And your friends, real friends don’t ever turn away.