This November Tommy and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. It kind of blows be away mentally because in my mind we haven’t been married that long, you know?

Tommy and I met each other when we were 15 years old. He was sitting on the stoop of a corner store and when he looked up at me all I saw was those green eyes, wow. I never locked eyes with someone like that at the ripe old age of 15. To be honest I don’t think I’ve ever locked eyes like that with anyone else since. We became close friends. He made me laugh. One thing we did really well was drawing comic strips of me, him and our friends and teachers. I still have most of them. In one comic, Tommy told I think it was the shop teacher, “I’m going to marry Menay.” So freaking funny.

We began seeing each other when we were around 17 after dancing around the old, “ yes I like him, but we’re such good friends I don’t want to mess that up…” angst. I made the first move. Yes I did. I was afraid if I didn’t he would find a girlfriend and I would be left in friend status. Oh no. I leaned in and kissed him; on the lips; more than a friend kiss.

We were a couple since then. It was November 1987. We had the usual teen/young person drama and occasional break ups. I dated here and there as did Tommy during those break ups but never anything serious. We would eventually end up back together. The break ups were terrible since we had been with each other for so long. I worked at an auto parts store during college and my co-workers (mostly guys) would announce, Menay is on the market! I could have killed them.

I remember the entire time we were together I never thought of marriage. It was truly one day at a time. We had fun together and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. When I finally picked a major in college; nursing. It was during that time that Tommy asked my dad if he could propose. My dad of course said yes; but not without adding, “Hey, and no returns!” Dad also asked that we wait to get married until after I graduated nursing school. Tommy proposed in Rockefeller center in front of the big tree. Yes, he was on one knee. I was shaking so bad, it was totally unexpected and I felt this mixture of joy and panic. Joy because Tommy wanted to marry me, panic like OMG this is for real!! I said yes, crying and shaking.

We had a long engagement, like 2 and a half years I think. I had a year or so left of school; graduated college, and landed my first job. We saved to pay for the wedding ourselves. For whatever reason, the “big” wedding was the way to go. If I could have a do-over smaller would be the choice and save the rest of the money. We were the first of our friends to get married.

(Almost) Thirty married years and 4 children later; Tommy still makes me laugh like no one else. We laugh when it’s not quite a “laughing” situation. But there are times you have to laugh or the situation will break you. Our road has been different than most others. I can’t say I wouldn’t change a thing. But there’s no guarantee we would be the same people without the experiences and challenges we’ve faced together. I wouldn’t remove the lessons I had no choice but to learn because that would mean less growth as a person.

I’m very glad we’re together. I’m so glad we grew together. I know I grew up a lot over the years. When we were on our honeymoon, lying on the beach in Maui we joked that we would return to Hawaii for our 20th anniversary. Twenty years passed rather quickly. Hawaii was not in the cards and that’s ok. So much had happened within those 20 years, and we were still together. That’s what mattered.

So what began as two teenagers with a close friendship and many talks, laughter and time together; evolved to marriage, kids, houses and all the challenges in between. I can’t imagine doing this life with anyone else.