My husband and I have had many conversations over the years concerning, “why”. Why did God give people a “perfect” child when they don’t even care about the kid? Why did God give those (insert any adjective) really good kids and they don’t appreciate them?
I usually answer, because if God gave “them” Thomas they would not have been able to take care of him, and what would’ve happened to him?” I didn’t say that to make myself feel better. I really believe it to be true. I’m not saying that we were “chosen” as Thomas’ parents. I don’t know if I believe that. I do believe that for whatever reason we get the kids we get as part of God’s will. His ways are higher than ours. It’s the parents’ decision whether they will acknowledge and address the differences of their child. Many people bury their head in the sand, refuse the child to be “labeled” and it’s a terrible outcome for everyone.
When more of Thomas’ needs became apparent, I made solid, concrete decisions of how I was going to raise him. No burying my head, no ignoring behaviors/delays and be a strong advocate. We made decisions and choices with the knowledge and instruction we learned and were told. The internet was not something we had at our fingertips in those days.
When it came to raising our girls thing was so very different. Everyone met their milestones as infants. Especially Alyssa. It was as if she read a growth and development textbook! Time to roll over? Check! Sit up? Check! She was a pleasure. Tantrums here and there, but nothing disastrous. Lelly…Walked at 11 months, jumped out of her crib shortly after. I had no idea how to contain her. Started running soon after walking, then began speeding down the street on the red flyer tricycle. Man could those legs go! Did I mention Lelly was a talker in school? So freaking funny! She would talk to a nearby student who would not talk back; unsure if he even spoke English!
Last but not least; Sam! Such a super pleasant baby. She was happy and Alyssa and Thomas loved her right away. Lelly…took a bit more time. There’s 5 years between Sam and Lelly so it does makes sense. Sam was a late talked and when she received speech therapy through early intervention, the therapist said she was the 4th child and didn’t *have* to talk. Everyone got her what she wanted. Made sense and She caught up pretty quick.
My point of this post; I was thinking of how much I tried to do right by Thomas with little to no “professional” help or advice. District 75 was never once mentioned as an option even though I repeatedly requested a vocational setting, and his IQ and academic performance met those standards. I had to request D75 myself when he was 11/12, after I was told that D75 even existed.
Tommy and I also had the task of doing right raising our girls. When Thomas was in residential school we made the difficult decision to not visit him every weekend. It was not fair for Alyssa, Lelly and Sam’s childhood memories to be full of memories visiting Thomas an hour plus away from home *every* Saturday or Sunday. We balanced life as fair as we could.
I have to say it was much less stressful spending time with Alyssa and Lelly (before Samantha) arrived and being present for school events and trips, etc when Thomas was in residential school. Neurotypical tantrums the girls displayed had nothing on a Thomas tantrum. During Thomas’ time at residential school we felt we could take the kids to Hershey Park for a few days. It was so, so great. Thomas was amazing, he was happy and fun. I loved that trip.
Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side... 