November 12 of this year Tommy and I will celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary. We met when we were 15 years old and became close friends. At 17 I realized I had deeper feelings than friendship for Tommy. Then came the whole inner debate, “What if it doesn’t work out: Then we won’t be friends anymore? What if he likes me too?” Oh the angst! Out of the blue one of my female friends expressed interest in Tommy to me. Oh no! No! Not going to happen! I made up my mind to stop the, “we’re just friends bullshit”. Tommy felt the same as I did, whew!
We dated, broke up, got back together, rinse repeat. I went on a date here and there during a break up but I knew there wasn’t anyone else like Tommy. At some point we became serious. Like, that’s it we’re together. I went to nursing school and at the end of my first year Tommy proposed. Asked my dad, the whole nine yards. Sweet and respectful.
When Tommy and I were friends, then in a relationship, I saw qualities in him that I knew made him a good man. He was a very hard worker, did not drink excessively, very respectful to me, very honest with me, talked to me. Tommy made me laugh like no one else, he still does.
We married after I worked as an RN for a year-ish. Big wedding that I wouldn’t recommend to anyone. Thomas was born the following July. We had no idea what we were to be facing in the years to come with him.
I’ve heard the phrase, “Oh so and so are so lucky they met when they did,” or “Wow what a great girl/guy, you’re so lucky!” Luck has nothing to do with anything. Tommy and I did not get married before we knew each other well. There can be red flags all over the place when people date each other. If one chooses to ignore said red flags or believes they can change a person…well I got nothing.
I’m no more lucky that Tommy stuck around when the shit but the fan than he is lucky I didn’t console myself with alcohol. There are no awards for doing the right thing. You get up and do what you have to do. When we found a specialist who could treat Thomas who did NOT accept insurance we went into debt to get Thomas help. As a mother I refused to be jerked around by know nothing physicians who were clueless in providing appropriate care for my son.
People who have successful marriages, careers, close families, relationships with their grown children are not “lucky”. There has been a shit ton of work behind every accomplishment. Work the public does not see. And lest I fail to mention divine intervention. God knows where you are and where you want to be. He has never failed to provide direction and meet me where I was.
Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side... 