No one makes me laugh like my husband. It’s one of my most favorite things about him. Tommy has always been funny, even when we met way back in the day. He doesn’t put anyone down to make himself look better or funnier. Tommy just comes up with comebacks or observations that are very unique and totally appropriate to the occasion and extremely funny IMO. While raising our kids we laughed at situations that were only funny to us. Some experiences and circumstances just called for humor or we would not have gotten through.

When we were in high school Tommy was known for drawing comic strips of everyone we hung out with. They were hysterical. My husband was no artist but somehow he captured each one of us.

My kids have their father’s gift of humor. I can’t tell you how many times as an adult my Lelly had me doubled over laughing. I don’t have particular examples as it’s usually something spontaneous between the two of us. I’ve had tears in my eyes when all my kids are together and a situation comes us that I can’t stop laughing about. My son in law Sam is usually one to unexpectedly burst out laughing. I love when that happens.

We used to have phrases for when things were really bad; no room for humor. Tommy would just pop out with, “You want a puppy? I’ll get you a puppy.”Like that would solve the problem haha. I would at least break a smile and things would lighten up a little. I don’t think I can live without Tommy making me laugh. We have a ton of inside jokes even with our kids. And times I burst out laughing when it was totally inappropriate, but haven’t we all?

I’ve written many posts about how Tommy and I met, that we were teenagers, became friends and then became a couple. He stood by me all through many college major changes and then finally nursing school. Nursing school and having a boyfriend was not easy. Nursing school consumes you and you see and talk to your classmates a lot more than anyone else. It’s been many years but you don’t forget.

Tommy proposed to me when I was literally in the middle of nursing school. Of course he asked my Dad before proposing and my Dad asked him for us to not get married until I finished school; and then Dad said, “there’s NO returns” haha! I wouldn’t expect anything less.

Tomorrow/Nov 12, will be Tommy and my 30th wedding anniversary. It’s pretty surreal when I think about it. Not that it doesn’t seem possible. But that I thought the years would feel longer, but they don’t.

Most marriages are unique in their own way. Every couple have their own challenges, difficult times; some have breaking points and the marriage is over. Tommy and I began our marriage with Thomas arriving 9 months later. I don’t regret having Thomas so soon or having our next 2 children as close in years they are.

This past weekend a woman asked us “so, what’s your secret?” I laughed because there is no secret. We have plenty of life to live and plenty of anniversaries to celebrate. I asked Tommy if he ever envisioned our life a certain way when we were first married or about to be married. And he said no, that he just took things as they came. I felt the same way. I know whenever I tried to plan out our lives a huge curveball would come and drastically change what I was thinking of. God has other plans.

I’m very happy to celebrate our anniversary together. I’ve grown so much since I was 25 and learned a lot about life and about myself. What I am capable of whether it be fighting and advocating for Thomas in the special needs realm or stepping back as my girls completed college and now Sam in welding school.

I never would have grown as I did without Tommy. He is a great man, patient, so smart, extraordinary sense of humor and he loves me.

I recently had the opportunity to talk with other moms of special needs children. One on one. I realize all our situations are different. All our children are different. When I talk to my current special needs mom friends who I’ve met about 20 or so years ago, there are no pauses, there are no, “I shouldn’t have said that.” There is only pure friendship based on the fact that we’ve all btdt/got the t shirt. That is the base of our friendship. The rest is layers upon layers of our varied yet similar experiences. There is no room for judgment.

I was asked to talk with a mother who has a special needs son, same age as Thomas and experiencing issues with her son’s medications. We texted and agreed on a mutually convenient time to talk on the phone. I was not informed ahead of time that this mother is what Tommy and I would call; “bitter woman.”

I am not a sunshine and rainbows mom when it comes to Thomas. I’ll say it as it is and I have little to no secrets. I have accepted Thomas for who he is. The mother I spoke to on the phone ranted, did not readily disclose her son’s diagnosis, would not go outside her health insurance parameters to receive help; but rather complain, “well…you know the good ones, they don’t take insurance.” Yes I’m well aware. This woman and I had not one thing in common other than the ages and sex of our special needs sons.

I asked her son’s diagnosis, she did answer and knowing the meds the kid was on asked if he also has a mood disorder. “I guess so, I mean they did say something about him and a mood disorder.” Then ranted about her son’s past experiences in school and how a mom she was close friends with became mad at her because she wouldn’t accept a placement with the friend’s son in a group home.

It was too much man. I explained our situation with Thomas when he was growing up. Her reaction? “Wow, I don’t know why I’m complaining so much, you had it way worse than me.” I was pretty much done at that point. And could not wait to get off the effing phone with her.

She knew Thomas lives in a group home yet she had contempt for that choice and voiced it. I got off the phone sad and upset. I told Tommy I don’t think I want to talk to anybody anymore. That no one gets us. Two days to get over that phone call. I don’t think I’ll be extending myself again to a stranger so readily anytime soon.