I recently had the opportunity to talk with other moms of special needs children. One on one. I realize all our situations are different. All our children are different. When I talk to my current special needs mom friends who I’ve met about 20 or so years ago, there are no pauses, there are no, “I shouldn’t have said that.” There is only pure friendship based on the fact that we’ve all btdt/got the t shirt. That is the base of our friendship. The rest is layers upon layers of our varied yet similar experiences. There is no room for judgment.
I was asked to talk with a mother who has a special needs son, same age as Thomas and experiencing issues with her son’s medications. We texted and agreed on a mutually convenient time to talk on the phone. I was not informed ahead of time that this mother is what Tommy and I would call; “bitter woman.”
I am not a sunshine and rainbows mom when it comes to Thomas. I’ll say it as it is and I have little to no secrets. I have accepted Thomas for who he is. The mother I spoke to on the phone ranted, did not readily disclose her son’s diagnosis, would not go outside her health insurance parameters to receive help; but rather complain, “well…you know the good ones, they don’t take insurance.” Yes I’m well aware. This woman and I had not one thing in common other than the ages and sex of our special needs sons.
I asked her son’s diagnosis, she did answer and knowing the meds the kid was on asked if he also has a mood disorder. “I guess so, I mean they did say something about him and a mood disorder.” Then ranted about her son’s past experiences in school and how a mom she was close friends with became mad at her because she wouldn’t accept a placement with the friend’s son in a group home.
It was too much man. I explained our situation with Thomas when he was growing up. Her reaction? “Wow, I don’t know why I’m complaining so much, you had it way worse than me.” I was pretty much done at that point. And could not wait to get off the effing phone with her.
She knew Thomas lives in a group home yet she had contempt for that choice and voiced it. I got off the phone sad and upset. I told Tommy I don’t think I want to talk to anybody anymore. That no one gets us. Two days to get over that phone call. I don’t think I’ll be extending myself again to a stranger so readily anytime soon.
Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side... 