These days


These days I’m feeling better and dare I say happy at times? I told Nancy this and she was thrilled for me which I thought was really sweet.

The picture I posted is me at a recent festival/fair I attended to promote my business. I am a personal shopper specializing…wait for it…specializing in the thrift! Yes I am :). I have a website where I have some of my current inventory. I mainly take requests of a designer or style of clothing one is searching for. If I find it at the thrift my cost is low so your (the customer) price is low as well. I’m more than happy to look for just about anything for anyone. Clothes and shoes though let’s not get carried away.

So getting back to me being happy. I don’t feel odd or euphoric I just feel like “me” and it’s been so long since I’ve felt this way. I’m not 100% and still on the quiet side and I can get lost in my thoughts and insecurities. But I’ve learned to open up a bit especially to Tommy. I take medication too, something I neverever in a million years thought I would do. Part of me felt like a hypocrite as I was terrified of meds, meanwhile my son takes meds. I’m over that now and honestly if I need meds for years or however long my doctor feels necessary I’m ok with that. Depression is effin serious man.

I had thoughts and said things when I was depressed that I couldn’t imagine thinking or saying when I’m just “me”.
Depression is real, it’s more than feeling blue and you can do something or treat yourself to snap out of it. It’s dark and scary and can be dangerous and not a place I want to revisit.

As scary as depression is asking for help can be almost equally as scary. It was for me anyway. As I waited for the elevator to see my psychiatrist the first time I wanted to throw up. I was so, so nervous. But once I was in his office and completely honest about what I was thinking and how I felt, I wasn’t afraid anymore, actually it was good to get it out to someone I knew wouldn’t judge me and wasn’t afraid of what I was saying. I have a wonderful doctor and I’m sure I’m fortunate to have found him without much searching. He is in Manhattan so I have a small commute but it is so worth it, plus there’s a Goodwill across the street. ;).

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