My husband and I are in our 50’s (ugh it sounds so old!). And I can’t help but think of how much things have changed in our lives over the past 27 years that we’ve been married. We were married in November, 1995 and Thomas was born July, 1996. We didn’t have that “just married” time to ourselves to just be together. And that is fine; most of me is glad we had our children when we were young because we are able to enjoy them now when they are young adults. I’m extremely proud of all my kids. They’ve each excelled or are excelling and doing their best to live their lives authentically and on their own terms. Especially my older girls Alyssa and Lelly. Alyssa was married at age 22 and Lelly graduated college and moved out at age 21. They’re both young adults, working and doing great at their respective jobs.
Tommy and I spent most of our 20’s and all of our 30’s and 40’s raising children, me staying home most of the time; working part time here and there. My full time gig was being a stay at home mom. I can’t say I totally enjoyed staying home, it was hard work. To make up for me not working Tommy worked a ton of overtime and also a second job. So on top of being a stay at home mom I was also on my own a lot with the kids. I’m not complaining it’s just how things were.
Now that everyone; including us are older life is so different. We are different. We don’t disagree with each other as much as we used to. When we renovated our house it went so smooth, we were on the same page regarding just about everything from cabinet finish, type of tile, wall color, to crown molding. It made the renovation go so smooth. These days I listen more and speak less when my husband is talking to me. When I was younger I was insecure and trying so hard to keep my shit together being with my kids all the time. Especially trying to get help and treatment for Thomas.
When we were younger I think I cared more about what people thought. Did so and so think we weren’t “good” parents? Why do this one and and that one seem to have a problem because we chose residential school for Thomas? These days…I don’t care much what other people think. I know I’m a good mom and Tommy is a great dad. I know our decisions regarding Thomas were the most difficult any parent would have to make and I know we did the best for our family.
When I was younger I was very anxious and wouldn’t talk to Tommy about what was bothering me. Many times I didn’t even know what the main anxiety causing issue was. Right now it’s that our health insurance company isn’t recognizing out of network claims I submitted last week. But we all have health insurance issues don’t we. My anxiety used to be so bad. I couldn’t control the thoughts in my head and my mind took off like a freight train running through all these horrible things that were going to happen because I did this or didn’t do that. I hated it. But I thought that was “normal”. Today I know it is not. After a lot of therapy and some meds things are much better and I no longer live with the runaway freight train in my mind. If I do get terribly anxious I know something is really wrong.
I have some regrets about the past, but don’t we all, please. There are somethings I would have done differently but who’s to say if things were done differently the end result would have been the same? I’m so happy to be married to my husband. Tommy really is my best friend. It’s funny because we started out as just friends when we were teens and so many years later we married and we are still friends. He’s seen me through the good and the not so good, the ups and the downs and also the very lows. He gets me.
I think it’s good to see how you’re not exactly the same person you were when you were younger. And reflect on positive changes.