Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side…

Tommy and I were married relatively young. We were 26 years old, engaged at age 24ish. I was still in college/nursing school. When Tommy asked my dad for his blessing my father asked him to wait until I graduated before we got married. Tommy and I were both in agreement of that decision. I graduated, passed my state boards and began working at one of the hospitals here where we live. At first I was happy to be working. All through nursing school our class was told, “ you know there’s a hiring freeze…you’ll be lucky to get any job.” So encouraging. It didn’t take long for me to realize working in a hospital wasn’t for me. Thomas was born soon after we were married. And we knew there were issues with him but in retrospect we really knew nothing. The more I worked at the hospital the more I did not like it. I didn’t know where else to go and at that time I wanted to be home.

We made the decision for me to stay home shortly after Thomas’ first birthday. A few months later I was pregnant with Alyssa. Tommy worked overtime relentlessly. We moved to NJ, lasted 15 months, moved back to Staten Island. The day we moved into our now house I was 8 months pregnant with Lelly. No it was not easy. I did go back to work part time for a doctor’s office. At a pathetic hourly rate. But, I got out of the house and had some extra money. When that didn’t work out anymore I left and was home again. All the while trying to get help for Thomas, be a wife and also raise 2 completely typical wonderful girls.

Times with Thomas weren’t easy. When he was 8, it was recommended that he attend residential school. They were all far from our home. One we visited, there weren’t any children present. It was weird. Like why wouldn’t you want us to see the students? Needless to say we turned that one down. We were highly recommended one particular school in Yonkers NY, over an hour away. They did accept Thomas and it was a good place. He stayed there for 3 years and in the meantime Samantha was born.

Fast forward to now, today. Thomas is settled in the group home, Alyssa and Lelly have moved out; one after another. Alyssa when she married Sam and Lelly months after she graduated and landed a good job in Manhattan. It’s Tommy, me and Samantha at home. There are times we don’t see much of Sam since she attends school, works part time and also hangs out with friends. I’ve decided I did actually want to be a nurse and work full time at a job I really like.

Tommy and I are able to have time alone often. It’s nice. Something we didn’t have when everyone was younger. We had Thomas right away and Alyssa and Lelly came along soon after. With Samantha bringing up the rear. It was a life I never expected to live. We had not one inkling that Thomas was going to be special needs and we did not say years ago, oh sure, let’s have 4 kids!

Don’t get me wrong I had a terrible time when Alyssa and Lelly moved out. That first time Sam and Alyssa came for dinner and she left with him was like oh…yeah…she doesn’t live with us anymore. Moving Lelly into her first apartment; I was fine until we began unpacking boxes. I cried and cried while helping her. It was terrible. I was so so sad to leave her in Manhattan.

I know they’re amazing, successful young women. Tommy and I did the right thing by raising them to be able to be independent and strong and to be able to leave us. Everyone tells you “oh your life will totally change when you have that baby.” No one tells you what it will be like when they move out. What that feels like.

I enjoy spending time with my husband; going on vacation. He makes me laugh probably more today than he did when we were much younger and he loves me.