Christianity

Coming Home and The Tree.

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Thomas will be coming home for Thanksgiving.  I’m looking forward to him being here.  Our last visit was cut short by his behavior so hopefully we won’t have a repeat of that.  For forever now we put our Christmas Tree up the day after Thanksgiving.  It’s now become Thomas’ “thing” to do with me.   The girls help out don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely my son who call this shots about the tree and the skirt and the ornaments and the star on top and the stockings…  The older girls get into hanging up “their” ornaments like the ones I have from when they were babies or made at school.   I love those.  Oh and the girls like setting up the Nativity.     

I’d like to get a live tree this year. I’ve always been against it, paranoid of the tree drying out and being set on fire by the lights. Yes that’s how my mind works. Tommy and I discussed it and we will go tree shopping the day after Thanksgiving with Thomas. How could we go without him?

I’m getting ahead of myself though, I’m talking about Christmas trees and the day after Thanksgiving but not Thanksgiving. We are hosting at our house. It will be really nice as my Mom and I split the cooking and it works out great as nobody gets overwhelmed. Hmmmm I guess I don’t have much to say about Thanksgiving except I am thankful for my family, my church family, my friends, that I am free to worship and that I get to worship the one true God.

Maybe that’s why I’m so eager to skip over to Christmas. The songs about Jesus birth. I love them. Especially the ones that command, “Come and worship!” Of course I like the regular winter themed songs and Rudolph but the reason is Christ’s birth and we should sing about His birth and worship him.

I’m looking forward to this week. My son being home, Thanksgiving and then…The tree. The tree that Thomas can’t wait for every year.

Moving forward

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“Moving Forward”. 2 words and not a difficult statement to follow given you have the means to do so.  At this time in my life it is time for me to move forward.  I’m quite serious about my business (www.nayaudo.com), I want to see this succeed.  I feel this is what I’m supposed to be doing; shopping.  Feel free to laugh it’s ok.  Yes I dream of getting paid to shop for other people or find them some treasure they haven’t been able to locate on their own.  That treasure can be almost anything, but I specialize in clothing, shoes and the thrift.

Moving forward. Why isn’t it as easy as it sounds? I believe I’m not going anywhere until The Lord decides it’s the best time according to his plan. If my business took off last year I would have buckled, I was not ready and was still healing. But just because I think I’m in a better place doesn’t mean God agrees. Giving it all over to Him is one of the most difficult things I’ve done. To The Lord I handed over Thomas’ residential school and now I hand over my future of trying to be a success outside the home. I know He is “in charge” and He really does know better than we do. I trust The Lord, he is faithful.

I’m looking forward to moving forward. To not visit the depressed and traumatic times anymore. They’re still there, just not ruling me like they did. I’m also looking forward to growing as a person and sharing that growth with my family. Frustration and having more patience are two things I really need to work on. I want things to happen NOW like most of us do. If I’m to trust The Lord, I must develop more patience and accept his timing and not get frustrated.

I’ve done quite a bit of reflecting of when I was going through the depression and when you’re in that state you don’t realize how far down you are. I was thinking about this, this morning. I don’t ever want to be that far down again. When I was remembering that place I was reminded of the physical sensation of being that far down. It was as if I were in a ditch looking up at everyone and I couldn’t get myself out. I don’t ever want to be there again.

So here’s to moving forward!

Being nudged

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I mentioned me thinking of sitting with Christ in my last blog post.  I told my friend John who is the grandfather of my youngest daughter’s best friend.  He listened intently and suggested that maybe I have too much on my mind or something in particular was bothering me and Christ came to comfort me.  I thought that was very nice, but I’m not sure I believe that.  I’m not sure of the “why’s” only God knows.

 On this past Friday there were 4 of us mothers and grandfather chatting after school while the kids played in the school yard. This is common practice for us while the weather is nice. John and I passed each other in picking up our respective children. He said as we passed each other he said, “You know what you told me the other day? I need to talk more about that with you, we need to talk”. I said ok and then we were together with the other Moms.

The conversation was light hearted, out of nowhere and without warning John says to me with a smile, “Aren’t you going to tell them what you told me. Tell them what happened”. I almost froze. I was not prepared for this at all. Then I just started talking and telling about meeting The Lord and that I wasn’t daydreaming that I felt like he met with my soul. I also told them about the joy I felt afterward.

After I was done I felt uneasy. Were they going to think I was crazy? Will they persecute me? Am I ashamed? Am I embarrassed? Then I felt guilt for being concerned with those scenarios. After all that Christ went through to save me I shouldn’t concern myself with what people think. All 4 of us ended up having a very interesting conversation about how we were raised, and our various religious backgrounds, and how it shaped us. John couldn’t stress enough the most important thing is one’s relationship with The Lord. That no one knows what is in another’s heart but God.

Afterwards walking with John I told him the Holy Spirit was surely working with him to get me to speak up. That I was concerned with being bold and him encouraging me to tell my story was God’s way of making me be bold. If John didn’t say anything I never would have said anything. I’m glad he did though. I feel like I’m one step closer to the boldness I wish I had.