Christianity

Patience

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Trust.  We must trust Him.  We have to.  I’m struggling with His timing, wondering when or if things *I* want to happen are really going to happen, am I going the “right” way.  In all honesty I have no business feeling this way.  The Lord has never failed me. Ever. It all really does work out in the most amazing way doesn’t it? At first I thought I was struggling with trust but now I see I’m struggling with patience. Waiting for His plan to play out.

In the past I know patience was never my strong point. I often and still do feel I am in a state of “hurry up and wait” which stinks to tell the truth. That state of being usually leads to frustration and doubt. Both of which are unpleasant emotions.

So I guess this leads to the encouragement of increased prayer. “Pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1 Thessalonians 5:17-18). I’m thinking I should pray for increased patience while I hurry up and wait for His plan which no doubt will be perfect and glorious.

He Hears Us.

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I’ve been taking notes at church lately, I’m afraid I’m going to miss something I think. I used to never take notes, I figured I wouldn’t go back and read them anyway so why bother. Well, I do go back and read them.  I love to re-read what our Pastor said and how it all applies to my life.  Our Pastor has been discussing the importance of prayer, that we must set aside time to be with The Father. But I wonder if we ever feel we have set enough time aside for The Father. Could there always be more time? My answer is yes, but I also believe God knows what is in my heart and he hears me. I guess that sounds defensive. I’m defending why I don’t spend more time in prayer. I wish I had an answer, a true answer.

Our Pastor also said, “Your life is a continuous act of worship. Everything can be lived to the glory of God.” I find that extremely inspiring knowing that all one does can be done to His glory. There is no act too small or unimportant.

I also find myself being more and more thankful for my life and the blessings He has given me, which makes me want to spend more time in prayer to praise and thank Him. I guess it becomes a wonderful cycle eventually: You spend more time in prayer with The Father which leads to more blessings and/or increased appreciation for present blessings which leads to more prayer and praise and thanks.

He hears us.

He makes all things work together for our good

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I went to church yesterday as usual but I *almost* didn’t go.  Then when I saw parking was very tight due to all the snow around here, then I figured I wouldn’t go if I couldn’t find a parking space.  The perfect parking space opened up, no kidding.  God was working and so was the enemy.  I believe the enemy works to find ways to keep us from God, like keeping me wrapped up on the computer right before it was time to leave for church and making the parking situation look so much worse than it was.  I won’t say anymore about him. I love how The Lord made way for me to able to worship Him when I had such doubtful thoughts.

When I arrived at church I realized how much I missed being there from the week before.  Then I remembered we (the choir) sang last week.  I cried through some of the worship songs, the words are so powerful and really make you think.  “You make all things work together for my good”, is one lyric that almost made me sit down and made me cry.  Those are such powerful words to believe and I do believe it absolutely.  But when I think of the seasons of pain, Thomas being aggressive to me and then depression I get sad and teary knowing that those are some “things” God has worked together for my good.  How and why I have no idea but I trust Him.

I was on the ferry last week writing in a journal how God plans our every move, our everything for His glory. It’s a wonderful thing to think about. How He orchestrates all of our moves in life even the “small” ones for our good and His glory. Yesterday our Pastor said, “Nothing brings hope like the name of Jesus.” Oh my goodness the truth in that statement is overwhelming. How we pray and want to be like Jesus, to want to follow Him and love Him. And He loves us and His name is what we cling to for hope. Even writing this gets me teary (I’m a bit emotional lately, bear with me) That statement struck such a nerve with me, but in a good way. I think our nerves need to be struck every now and then. Jesus is the name we call out to for hope when we’re in pain. I remember one instance years ago when Thomas was aggressive with me, I literally yelled out, “Jesus!” but not in vain I called out for help. Help for Thomas to stop. When Thomas heard me yell out it stunned him and he stopped for a moment, enough time for me to get my bearings. I needed hope so bad that day and who’s name did I call out? Jesus. He gave me hope he really did. He sent the most caring ambulance workers and police officers to my house that day after I called 911.

I don’t mean to skip down memory lane to painful memories but I can’t help it when I think of The Lord working everything together for my good, because He is in charge and His way will always be better than mine in the long run. One of the most difficult lessons I’ve learned these past couple of years is to *really* trust Him. To honestly and truly put my life in his hands. To know with all my heart that if He hasn’t already planned it, it’s not going to be. So tough to put into practice but so necessary to know.

Being nudged

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I mentioned me thinking of sitting with Christ in my last blog post.  I told my friend John who is the grandfather of my youngest daughter’s best friend.  He listened intently and suggested that maybe I have too much on my mind or something in particular was bothering me and Christ came to comfort me.  I thought that was very nice, but I’m not sure I believe that.  I’m not sure of the “why’s” only God knows.

 On this past Friday there were 4 of us mothers and grandfather chatting after school while the kids played in the school yard. This is common practice for us while the weather is nice. John and I passed each other in picking up our respective children. He said as we passed each other he said, “You know what you told me the other day? I need to talk more about that with you, we need to talk”. I said ok and then we were together with the other Moms.

The conversation was light hearted, out of nowhere and without warning John says to me with a smile, “Aren’t you going to tell them what you told me. Tell them what happened”. I almost froze. I was not prepared for this at all. Then I just started talking and telling about meeting The Lord and that I wasn’t daydreaming that I felt like he met with my soul. I also told them about the joy I felt afterward.

After I was done I felt uneasy. Were they going to think I was crazy? Will they persecute me? Am I ashamed? Am I embarrassed? Then I felt guilt for being concerned with those scenarios. After all that Christ went through to save me I shouldn’t concern myself with what people think. All 4 of us ended up having a very interesting conversation about how we were raised, and our various religious backgrounds, and how it shaped us. John couldn’t stress enough the most important thing is one’s relationship with The Lord. That no one knows what is in another’s heart but God.

Afterwards walking with John I told him the Holy Spirit was surely working with him to get me to speak up. That I was concerned with being bold and him encouraging me to tell my story was God’s way of making me be bold. If John didn’t say anything I never would have said anything. I’m glad he did though. I feel like I’m one step closer to the boldness I wish I had.