The next step.

With Thomas turning 18 this year, Tommy and I are going through the process of obtaining legal guardianship of him. This freaked me out. Not that I am to be my son’s legal guardian past the age of legal adulthood, just that we have to do this period. I had a difficult time filling out the large packet of papers the social worker from school sent us and I held back tears when I had to call the Surrogate court here where we live for further information. I still can’t get over that my first born is 18 years old. Freaks me out man. Every time I think about the next steps we have to take I get choked up and remember Thomas as a baby and I feel like I want to go back. Back to when he was so small and everything was alright. We had yet to begin our journey filled with frustration and doctors and specialists.

I don’t do this with my other kids. I mean Alyssa recently got her drivers permit and as much as that is such a huge milestone and we are so proud of her, it doesn’t freak me out. I’m excited for her to learn to drive (yes it does make me nervous as any parent would be). Daniella my “baby” before Samantha, will be attending high school next year, nope not freaked out.

Is it because Thomas is my first? Is it that he is special needs and this is once again a decision and action we *shouldn’t* have to be doing? One more thing on the list that we have to decide for him? Rhetorical questions mind you I don’t want or expect answers. I remember how simple things were in those few short months before the shit hit the fan and we were set off on a quest of “Tell us what’s wrong and how do we fix it?” For the first time ever I wanted to go back in time. I know I couldn’t change anything that is wrong with Thomas, but I could appreciate more the simplicity of that time in our life.

As of right now we are in a holding pattern. There are papers still to be signed and notarized, another appointment with the guide from Surrogate court to help us further and then the actual filing and appearing before a judge. I’m ok with the holding pattern it’s giving me more time to digest this all and it gives my brain a much needed break.

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