Recently we went through a scare with my dad’s health. Not so much his physical health; my dad has been battling liver and colon cancer for the past 15 months; but rather his mental health. He was discharged from the hospital last week and then admitted to a rehab facility. While there his legs and abdomen became swollen and he became extremely confused, disoriented and delusional. It was very scary and my mom was beside herself. To top it off the doctor overseeing my father’s care was aloof, uncaring and saw no hope for my father’s future health. She managed to get him out of that facility and back into the hospital.
I immediately emailed and texted my prayer warriors to lift my parents up in prayer. I also approached one of our pastors and elders at church for prayer yesterday. While praying for my father, mother and his doctors and nurses I was reminded of a song by Natalie Grant: https://youtu.be/mNkDdXhjFy0.
Essentially the song is about wanting God more for Him than for what He can do for you. “Wanting the Savior more than the saving”. While praying this weekend it hit me that no matter the outcome of my prayers, that even if the answer was a resounding, “No” I still wanted God in my life, I will still worship my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In years past I would become angry with God if He didn’t move fast enough, if He said No; or didn’t include me in His plans. I know now that God loves me even when the answer is one I desperately did not want. Even when His plans are different than mine. Even when He answers that resounding No. I’ve discovered that I do want the healer more than the healing.
I didn’t expect that from myself. Even though I love that song and sing along in worship when I hear it on the radio. When I first heard the lyrics I was struck at how those lyrics convicted me. Do I really want God more for who He is than for what He can do or me? Do I really want the Savior more for Him than for the saving he’s able to do and has done? The answer I discovered about myself is a resounding Yes!
God is so good and He never lets you stop growing in His love for Him. He never stops showing you things about yourself and what you can do for His glory.
As of yesterday my dad was doing much better. Less confused and my mom didn’t believe he was seeing things that weren’t there. I know God had a direct hand in his healing. And if God decided to not lay His hand of healing on my dad I would still worship Him and proclaim His goodness.