Sometimes I Wonder/And Thomas

There are many times I post in my blog and I really wonder if anyone’s reading it. I suppose that could be thought of by anyone who writes something for the world to see. Thank you all to those who responded to my last post and thank you also for the “congratulations” I received for passing the certification exam. I really appreciate every single one.

It’s mid morning Sunday as I write this. My week days are so long with working the after school program I’m happy to do nothing or just catch up with laundry on the weekends. Yesterday Samantha and I hit the thrift and did well so that was really nice. I vacuumed yesterday, it was glorious if you can believe it. One of our dogs is half golden retriever/ half golden lab and she’s a blonde so you can only imagine the shedding we try to keep up with. She’s an amazing, sweet girl so she’s worth it.

Since it’s Sunday Thomas will be coming over. He only wants to visit on Sunday. I would say that it is odd but it’s soooo Thomas. I have no idea if Lelly or Samantha will be home for dinner so it looks like it could be just him and I. And that’s ok. 2 weeks ago it was Thomas’ birthday, he turned 26 years old. I seriously wonder when that happened. His childhood into adolescence; as his parents, was one great, not so pleasant roller coaster. It’s only in the past say 8 years aside from him being a baby that I really enjoy him. And even then there are some Sundays where he’s so high maintenance I’m done after those few hours. I love him, he’s “mine” as I’ve declared so many times but he’s Thomas. It’s funny because I’ve been told by many different people how polite he is, great manners, that he is really a nice person, that he’s not mean. I appreciate all that. And of course grateful to get feedback that he isn’t “mean.” However as his mother I didn’t get to experience what a nice person he is until fairly recently. All the violence he displayed to me was due to him being mentally ill and primarily brain damaged. In other words it wasn’t his fault. I know that logically but living through what I’ve experienced from him caused harm that took a long time to heal from.

So today I’ll pick up my son and we’ll hit up TJ Maxx so he can spend gift cards Thomas received for his birthday. At first he blatantly said he didn’t want the gift cards; Thomas is well aware what a gift card is (thanks kid…) but I think it sunk in that he could go shopping with his own money and he eventually changed his mind. He now wants me to take him to TJ maxx today. Thomas likes to shop. And if he’s not doing the shopping he will be more than happy to enable and encourage you to buy whatever it is you are on the fence about purchasing. It’s actually fun to go shopping with him. He picks out his own clothes and he chooses nice things (thank God). He has no issue with trying clothes on either. It’s sweet that I get to spend time with this nice guy I raised.

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