Being Transparent

Many times when I write this blog I forget who is reading it. Not that I forget everyone who comments on social media or on the blog site; because those comments are very kind, insightful and supportive. More like I forget that I put myself; my life in public view. I keep no secrets about my life with Thomas and what I went through during the years when he was violent and aggressive towards me. And after we decided residential school for Thomas was the best decision, I went through a very scary time of depression and trauma. I was so fortunate and blessed that there were already people in my life that were able to help me. Thomas’ previous psychiatrist was placed there by God’s grace and my therapist, Nancy is a wonderful woman I met via my son when he was 7 years old. I contacted her so many years later for advice to have Thomas placed in residential school when he was 16 and she immediately said she would see me when I mentioned that I needed a therapist. Before Nancy, I was searching and searching for a therapist; calling one after another. It was horrible. Some never called back, some weren’t taking new patients and some would return my call a week later. Nice. You’re a mental health professional who waits a week to return the call of someone requesting help. Them I hung up on.

Today the depression is at bay, I’ve healed from the trauma and Thomas and I have a sweet relationship. He’s really nice to be around and go out with …most of the time. We all have our moments, Thomas included. Tommy and I are Thomas’ legal guardians but the staff and the nurse at the group home handle his dental and medical care and appointments. The nurse will call me after almost every psych appointment if meds are to be adjusted, added and/or taken away for my approval. I don’t have much to complain about with the group home.

I often write how much I enjoy my children now that they are young adults. That’s not to say I was miserable when they were young children or didn’t enjoy them then. Life was so much more difficult then and there was always something to take care of. It was hard to put aside day to day errands and just *be* with my kids. I remember a handful of times I was able to put everything on the back burner and just hang with them; those times were nice and I have great memories with them.

Today we are still meeting hurdles to overcome. I feel like we are in an odd place in life. It’s Tommy and me and Sam living at home. Days of running kids here and there are over, Thomas is settled, Alyssa is married living a great life with her husband, Sam; and Lelly is having a good life working and living in the city. I’m very proud of our older children for the adults they’ve grown into being.

Sam, our youngest is a challenging person. A challenge I never saw coming but looking back; in retrospect the writing was on the wall. Isn’t it always? Gotta love hindsight (not). I love this child of mine like any mother does. I’m making decisions and giving my consent for issues most moms won’t ever have to. And I’m honored to do it because Sam trusts me.

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