It’s no secret our oldest child is special needs. We’ve been making difficult decisions concerning his health, well being and safety all his life. Just as most other parents of a special needs child or two have. Parents who have special needs children/young adults/full fledge adults in age face the reality that no matter their child’s age, their level of functioning usually does not improve the same way a typical child does. It’s hard; it’s painful. It’s another level of acceptance no one tells you about. You are still the parent and you are still responsible for decision making.
After 30 years of living this life with Thomas as well as 3 neurotypical children, I have little to no patience with parents who want to be their child’s “friend” and make sucky decisions rather than cause upset to the child. I’ve witnessed first hand parents removing their child from a therapeutic facility to treat real diagnosis’ and behaviors because the child whined and cried and manipulate that they want to go home. I’m sure they do want to go home. That’s too bad. Grow a backbone. Give the kid what they need, not what you want. It’s not about you anyway.
I’ve had parents tell me they’re not ready to have their special needs young adult live away from them. Such as a group home or assisted living apartment situation. When are you going to get ready? When you are dead? It’s not nice to leave a mess and force family to do what you refused to do. I am not referring to family who arrange with others to take on the care of the disabled adult after you die. That is a plan.
Yes, I sound judgemental. I can say what I want about this subject. I’ve lived it, I’m living it. I’ve been judged as a parent for choosing residential school for my son. I judge parents who do not choose a residential setting to treat behaviors and diagnosis’ they cannot appropriately treat at home. Asking for help for your child is hard, so hard. Accepting that help is very difficult as well. However many diagnosis’ require professional interventions. There is not one thing wrong with providing professional support and help for one who needs it. You can’t school or hide the autism away, you can’t pray the gay away, I’m sure there’s more.
And I’m off my soapbox.
Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side... 