Almost every work place has drama. Deflecting that drama has become a defense mechanism. I loathe when someone tries to insert drama inside the bubble of contentment I have created at work. Some years ago I wasn’t happy with a coworker I had no choice but to work with. I didn’t have anyone at work I could trust to explain the situation. I had only been there a couple of years. Also, I protected the privacy of my office. Word spreads lightening fast when there is drama. We all know.

Finally came the time when that coworker had to move on to another workplace. I really couldn’t believe it. It felt too good to be true. I still kept quiet of my feelings and unpleasant experiences until she was really gone. Her replacement arrived, and my approach was cautious. It quickly became apparent the replacement was wonderful to work with.

As a nurse, working as a team is so important. No one can do everything alone. I felt that way for a long time. With my previous coworkers there were arguments over assignments, “stealing” someone not on your assignment. So freaking stressful. I announced I would take care of all the students with g tube feeds just to stay out of their stupid drama; along with my pre-existing caseload of differently medically fragile students. I didn’t experience amazing team work until a nurse I still adore and love to work with went totally out of her way to help me stabilize a student who was decompensating. She actually said, “this is nursing Menay, this is teamwork” when I tried to thank her.

The office I work out of is usually a drama free zone. I don’t want to hear it, seriously. Of course there’s gossip here and there but even that is taken with a grain of salt. Some staff come to vent and that’s fine. I get it. But take the drama with you when you leave.

I have 4 children, all grown, the oldest special needs. I’ve had enough years of drama and angst trying my best to raise everyone the way each needed to be raised and have their needs met. Today, I’m proud of them all. And dare I say when we get together it’s mainly a drama free zone. I love when everyone is here.

It’s no secret our oldest child is special needs. We’ve been making difficult decisions concerning his health, well being and safety all his life. Just as most other parents of a special needs child or two have. Parents who have special needs children/young adults/full fledge adults in age face the reality that no matter their child’s age, their level of functioning usually does not improve the same way a typical child does. It’s hard; it’s painful. It’s another level of acceptance no one tells you about. You are still the parent and you are still responsible for decision making.

After 30 years of living this life with Thomas as well as 3 neurotypical children, I have little to no patience with parents who want to be their child’s “friend” and make sucky decisions rather than cause upset to the child. I’ve witnessed first hand parents removing their child from a therapeutic facility to treat real diagnosis’ and behaviors because the child whined and cried and manipulate that they want to go home. I’m sure they do want to go home. That’s too bad. Grow a backbone. Give the kid what they need, not what you want. It’s not about you anyway.

I’ve had parents tell me they’re not ready to have their special needs young adult live away from them. Such as a group home or assisted living apartment situation. When are you going to get ready? When you are dead? It’s not nice to leave a mess and force family to do what you refused to do. I am not referring to family who arrange with others to take on the care of the disabled adult after you die. That is a plan.

Yes, I sound judgemental. I can say what I want about this subject. I’ve lived it, I’m living it. I’ve been judged as a parent for choosing residential school for my son. I judge parents who do not choose a residential setting to treat behaviors and diagnosis’ they cannot appropriately treat at home. Asking for help for your child is hard, so hard. Accepting that help is very difficult as well. However many diagnosis’ require professional interventions. There is not one thing wrong with providing professional support and help for one who needs it. You can’t school or hide the autism away, you can’t pray the gay away, I’m sure there’s more.

And I’m off my soapbox.

I’ve been thinking of things that don’t seem to be talked about often or are out in the open. Depression, trauma/anxiety; medications for depression/anxiety, menopause; treatments for menopause. Are any of these topics easy to talk about? If we do talk, will we be judged for our choices?

I had gained a shit ton (my new unit of measurement) of weight when prescribed a needed anti-depressant back in the day. I was being treated for depression and PTSD; Thomas was at his worst and living home. The medication did what it was supposed to do plus the horrible weight gain. After too much time at that weight, I spoke with my doctor about tapering down the medication. He agreed, and I also met with my primary about medical weight loss options. I had tried 2 oral meds with no results. I even tried a surgical option (not bariatric/ bypass) with totally sucky results. My primary recommended a daily injection called Saxenda. It isn’t on the market anymore. I tapered off the antidepressant, coupled with the injectable med I was able to lose over 50 pounds.

No one wants to admit they’re receiving “help” when they’re losing weight. I didn’t. And I did not tell anyone what I was taking. I was very upset with the way I looked. I wasn’t “me”. Alyssa was getting married, I had to find a dress, and worry about the pictures. My first girl’s wedding to an amazing young man. And I didn’t want to be in many pictures. Not a good feeling.

The other topic that isn’t talked about is menopause. I gave up trying to find a competent local gyn provider in my area, and was recommended a practice in Manhattan. Not far; in SoHo. My first appointment was the doctor explaining what was happening during menopause. I’m an RN. I had no idea. I decided on my course of treatment. I was educated by my doctor. Too many women are not able to make an educated decision about their own bodies when it comes to menopause. If hormone replacement therapy is not what a doctor knows, very rarely are we referred to another practitioner. Instead the physician won’t inform the patient it is a treatment option. So, so wrong.

So many woman are afraid of HRT because of what they “heard” from other women; horror stories usually. Women love to tell horror stories about giving birth and menopause symptoms. In my opinion it’s not helpful to frighten other women.

Women can’t or won’t talk to their own mothers about menopause, ask what they experienced. Comments I’ve heard, I don’t know or I don’t remember. Yes you do. I almost forgot the silence that follows when the topic is brought up.

I don’t believe in spilling out all details of our lives indiscriminately. There are stigmas and judgement to almost every situation. Why should we continue that?