Tonight I’m going back to the tattoo parlor to have the tattoo artist add on to my newest tattoo. There’s a part near to my inner thigh that I’m not thrilled with. I’ve already discussed this with the artist and he knows what I want. I’m not looking forward to this visit as this last tattoo hurt like hell to have done. None of my other tattoos hurt like this one. I’ve also not received as many compliments on a tattoo as I’ve gotten on this one. Strangers stop me to comment.

I’ve also decided I want another tattoo on my right wrist it will either say “Blessed” or ” Believe”, I haven’t decided yet. I am blessed and I do believe, so there is my lack of decisiveness. I want to be able to cover the tattoo with my watch band or shirt sleeve if need be. The new job opportunity I’m pursuing has a dress code of “business casual” so I’m sure tattoos aren’t a part of that.

I’m leaving now, I’ll probably pick this up after the added on tattoo.

I’m back. The artist suggested another feather to cover the part that was bothering me.  I appreciate his opinion and artistry. Right now my leg is stinging and covered with a bandage. I’ll post a picture soon. A before and after sounds right.

I recently celebrated 4 years of being a non smoker. I quit on June 27th, 2011. Cold turkey; no patch, no gum, no hypnosis, no electronic cigarettes. I’m glad I did it that way, it worked for me. Plus my husband challenged me holding an expensive, much wanted handbag over my head as a reward for quitting. I was a woman possessed and stalked the designer’s website. Every.Single.Night. Debating which bag I was getting.

I remember the kids were all home for the summer. I had read somewhere that it takes 3 days for nicotine to leave your system. Needless to say I was an anxious, irritable mess and my husband was questioning whether this was the best time for me to quit. He called me from work and heard in my voice the anxiety and irritability. He said, “You know…maybe this wasn’t the best time for you to quit what with the kids home all the time…”  I quickly answered, “Oh no…I’m not going back now, I’m 3 days in, I’m not going through these 3 days again!”

My only consolation was cleaning, or rather cleaning out closets and tossing things we no longer needed or thought we no longer needed. Thomas was my ever present helper. After I got done with the closets I felt at a loss, what to clean now?  Ah ha! The attic was perfect :). Armed with my trusty garbage bags, Thomas and I tackled the attic. It became comical after a week or two. Literally right after the trash was collected and our trash pails empty there I was ready to fill them again, and fill them I did. Tommy asked me to slow down. Nope. I couldn’t, I was a woman on a mission.

After a week had passed, it was July 4th. I announced to my husband that it was time to get my handbag I had called the boutique and they were indeed open! However I put a self imposed “catch” to this coveted handbag. I wouldn’t use the bag until I earned it. I would wait until the money I would have spent on smoking equaled the cost of the bag. It took three months believe it or not. I was a pack a day smoker so the cost of one pack of cigarettes times 90 days give or take equaled my beloved purse. I would take it out of the box and dust bag to stare at but I would not use her.

It’s been 4 years and I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss smoking. I do. I don’t miss all the risks and damage to my health. I don’t miss the smell. It’s funny I feel like I can smell a smoker a mile away these days. And part of me feels bad for them especially the young ones. I hope I never go back Tommy already said he’d take my bags away, I can’t have that!

I’m in a position right now where I have no choice but to trust in the Lord. Trust that I won’t fall flat on my face. Trust Him that the path he is leading me on is right. I won’t lie and say I’m not nervous; I am, but I keep telling myself that He won’t let me down, He is leading my way and all I have to do is have faith and follow.

I think back to when I was younger, before I was saved or born again. I still knew God was with me and no one else could lead me down the roads I traveled. He did go before me and that’s what I have to tell myself now. That He’s already been where I’m going. I think back to the first time we had to have Thomas live at a residential school. Thomas was 8 and Tommy and I took this decision very seriously and we were diligent when we visited schools I don’t know how we could not be as diligent as we were.This was a very difficult time in our lives. I remember visiting, I think it was the third school on our list. The first two were not places we wanted Thomas to be at, one was dirty and the other was 3 hours away. . Anyway we met with the admissions director and she reviewed Thomas’ “packet”  which is composed of every evaluation you could think of, including IQ scores. I remember touring the school and both Tommy and I loved it. I remember excusing myself to use the ladies room and while in there I prayed harder than I ever prayed in my life for Thomas to be able to attend this school. Before that day I’d always prayed for guidance and direction when it came to Thomas, That day however I was desperate and I know the Lord heard me. Thomas was accepted to that school. This difficult decision was made less difficult thanks to a loving God who heard my prayer and answered yes.

Today I still pray for guidance and ask for forgiveness when I doubt in Him. I ask the Lord to be with me when situations arise and I don’t feel confidant. I know He will never leave or forsake me.

A new job opportunity has presented itself to me. It’s a nursing job and its per diem meaning I work when I can/want. It’s for a company that does corporate events such as checking blood pressure, blood sugar, flu shots, etc… I applied last week for the heck of it and heard back last night via email. There’s a training session involved and I’m sure an interview of some sort.

I’m thinking this may be a good gig to get involved with. I would keep the job I have now as it is a steady paycheck and it would be nice to make extra money especially with Alyssa driving in about a week.

I haven’t written about my daughter who turns 17 in less than a week and will be driving at that time. It doesn’t freak me out all that much, mostly because she already passed her road test (on the first try; proud mama brag). I say this of course because she isn’t actually driving yet…I am looking forward to her being able to drive herself and her sisters places to help me out a bit. I’m not looking forward to the hike in our car insurance that I don’t know about yet as I’ve been too chicken to call the insurance company about. So this is life for now 🙂

I love to people watch. Especially on my way to Manhattan. It makes the commute all the more interesting. There is every walk of life at the ferry terminal. Everyone has a story. Everyone is going someplace. On the ferry during the week women are applying makeup and/or doing their hair, either in the ladies room or right there at their seat. Today (Saturday) on the Manhattan bound ferry there’s standing room only at the ladies room mirror.

New Yorkers are stereotyped as being rude. I don’t believe so and haven’t been witness to such rudeness. Quite honestly I find the tourists to be a bit on the rude side especially when boarding the ferry on the Manhattan side. In my experience even the homeless are polite when asking for money. If you haven’t noticed already, I love New York. I love living here.

I’ve been reminiscing in my past couple of blog posts. How the depression knocked me down and how bad things became with Thomas after his medication change.

I’m not in that place any longer. It feels good in some way to revisit those times. Even though they weren’t happy times I learned a lot about myself, my son and also my marriage.

I have joy these days. Joy in Christ. Joy knowing my Savior lives. Joy in worshipping a God who loves me. I have joy in my identity in Christ and in knowing my sins are forgiven. I have joy in the Gospel.

That’s not to say I don’t worry or have anxiety. I do. But those times aren’t as intense as they used to be and for that I give God the glory.