Back to reality, back home from vacation. We had a great week away. We went to the Outer Banks in North Carolina. It was my family and 2 other families renting a huge beach house. We all got along the adults, the kids…we all did whatever we wanted to do. Feel like going to the beach you ask? I’ll meet you there. Staying at the house and hanging out by the pool? Cool me too! Tommy arranged a fishing trip that I didn’t want to go on. Tommy, our girls and another family went on the trip. Turns out they got caught in a terrible storm. Tommy said something appeared on the horizon that looked like a tornado. They weren’t told until they were back on land how dangerous that “tornado” was. I’m just glad everyone returned safe and sound. Even though the trip was cut short they still caught fish.
I loved being at the beach. The beach we were at was gorgeous. Clean sand, sparkling clear green water. You could see your feet and the shells and the schools of minnows that would quickly swim away the closer you got to them. At first the water was so, so cold. But the weather was so hot out the water became refreshing. I was in the water with Alyssa and I couldn’t help but notice there was a very warm breeze blowing by while we were in the cool water. It was heaven. There was one part of the water that had a sand bar. You had to walk out quite a bit and even go past a fairly deep portion of the ocean to get there. But once you were there it was so cool. The waves were amazing. So calm and every now and then a high one. Im missing the beach as I describe it.
Samantha was in her glory as there was a boy her age staying with us who was also into the video games she likes. He was an all around really nice kid and they got along so well.
The drive home was pretty uneventful. 8 hours. Tommy asked me to drive for a hour or so. He wanted to rest his eyes since we were up and left so early in the morning. I didn’t mind driving it was just difficult staying within the varying speed limits. I was so worried of getting a speeding ticket. Funny I don’t worry so much when I’m driving here at home. So now it’s back to work which I don’t mind. I missed New York a little. Not much…a little.
So…we leave for vacation soon. We’re going to a beach town and renting a beach house. We’re going with a couple of other families and we’re all friends and get along so it should be all good.
I’m going through my clothes and bathing suits deciding what to bring; what not to bring. Trying things on and being ultra critical. I know every woman goes through this. What to wear on the beach? Do I dare wear a bikini?? A two piece bathing suit that isn’t a tankini? I know I wrote recently about medication side effects and weight gain, but lately I’m starting not to care about the weight gain. I’m 45 years old and my days of wearing a bikini are definitely numbered. Plus I’ll only know the people who I’m sharing the house with, I won’t know anyone else so that is definitely a plus. Anonymity is absolutely an advantage. I have a very nice, acceptable one piece bathing suit that I am very comfortable wearing, probably too comfortable. It’s blue and very nice. It’s done the job extremely well the past 2 years. So I’ll bring the safe blue one of course along with the tankini and bikini and cover up. There will be no photographic evidence of which bathing suit was chosen. I’ll most likely blog about it so you’ll have to stay tuned.
In the meantime I’ll keep trying things on and looking in the mirror.
Thomas has been in the residential school now for just over 3 years. I was thinking back to when he was living at home. He was only able to live at home for about 3 and a half years between the first residential school (from ages 8-12) and the second (ages 12-16). It was nice having him home for that time. His meds were stable, Thomas himself was stable. We were able to do things like a “normal’ family. Even go on vacation and/or to the beach.
At the beach Thomas loved to look for shells, he did not like the water at all. In fact at one outing to a beach in NJ with my best friend and her daughters I actually lost Thomas. He took off without me looking for sea shells and when I looked around for him he was no where to be found. I felt the panic rising up. My best friend helped me look but all we saw was a sea of beach goers and not a sign of Thomas. I knew he didn’t go in the water but where the hell was he? Every story I ever heard of people hurting those with special needs ran through my head. And I felt sick. I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to tell my husband that I lost our son. I figured I couldn’t go home and I would camp out at the beach until I found him. Eventually I grabbed hold of a life guard and explained the situation. They radioed down the beach and it just so happened another lifeguard had happened upon Thomas thinking he was lost. The lifeguards radioed to each other I was told to walk down the beach to a certain station and they had Thomas. As I was walking/running down the beach I saw Thomas walking with a very attractive and fit female lifeguard. His face lit up when he saw me, it was all I could do not to cry. I took custody of him and as we started waking back to where our things were, I teased him saying he wanted to hang out with the “pretty lifeguard” he smiled and then said, “Mooooom! You left me!” I laughed and told him I didn’t leave him; he left us by looking for shells. It really didn’t matter at that point, I was just glad to have him back.
With Thomas the way he is now I don’t see us going to the beach without extra help meaning one person just for him to watch him and keep him occupied. That is if we could even get him to the beach. Towards the end of Thomas living at home vacations with him were not fun. After changing meds because of a sharp decrease in his white blood cells, Thomas was not as stable as he was in the past. His behavior had changed and he became very stubborn. Even refusing to get out of the car when we arrived at the beach. When we did manage to get him out of the car he refused to even look for sea shells and he refused to leave the beach chair with umbrella bought especially for him.
I miss walking on the beach with Thomas. Trying to bribe him with a dollar or two or five to get his feet wet. The answer was always, “No” but with a smile. He has a great smile.