I’m sitting here in my kitchen (why do we always sit in the kitchen so much?) and I’m taking in the quiet morning and this morning’s fall weather. Tommy and Samantha and Lelly are upstate at our friends’ (Bill and Martha’s) lake house and Alyssa is with Sam so it’s just the cats and dogs and me. I wanted to stay home this weekend, not that I don’t love the lake house but there’s something about being alone occasionally that is soul soothing to me.

I thought I might be nervous being alone. There have been very few occasions that Tommy and I haven’t slept together in the same bed. I’m reminded of the first time we went to Bill and Martha’s lake house. I fell asleep on their couch and Tommy went to bed in the bedroom with 2 twin beds each on one end of the room. I climbed into bed next to Tommy telling him to “move over.” Haha. I don’t know where I expected him to move to. Needless to say it was an amusing night’s sleep. But I didn’t want to sleep in a bed without him

So this weekend began with dinner with Thomas on Friday night. The group home agency was having a staff appreciation party and asked me to take Thomas out so all the staff could attend. Of course I agreed but warned them that Thomas is only good for a few hours outside his home in the evenings. After a while he gets tired and simply wants to go home. The house manager agreed and would have a staff person there around 9 to meet Thomas. Well, he made it to about 8pm before he started lecturing me that he wanted to go home. “This is not my house, this is *your* house…I’m not supposed to see you Friday night, I see you on Sundays…bring me back, I want to go back.” I gently explained that there wasn’t any staff at his house for another hour. Thomas is not easily entertained. He wouldn’t watch television (not that he ever does), refused to sit on the couch instead of at the kitchen island, and continued to lecture me with his facts. Thank God 9pm rolled around pretty quick and he was happy to go home.

Yesterday I did the weekly food shopping, hit the Sal Val and then headed off to Jersey City to see Sam and Alyssa’s apartment that Sam just moved into last month. It’s a luxury apartment and oh my gosh it is gorgeous. It’s a perfect space for the 2 of them (Alyssa isn’t moving in until they are married). I loved everything about it, their taste in furniture, Alyssa’s touches of color and her love of plants and nature. We walked around the neighborhood a while, stopping at little stores and boutiques here and there. One store was all vintage 70’s to 90’s clothing and accessories. Alyssa couldn’t help but laugh at some of the clothes and I totally tripped down memory lane with their 90’s clothing inventory. I found the coolest, vintage, large frame sunglasses in perfect condition. You know I had to get them.

Today I’m again venturing to the great Garden state to have dinner with my mom and family. Alyssa and Sam will also be joining us. It will be a nice Sunday afternoon. Tomorrow everyone will be home again and I’m glad. I think I’ve had enough alone time. I’m so used to someone being home mostly all the time. And I don’t mind it at all. My girls are pleasant and make me laugh. And Tommy being home is great, we have a shared sense of humor of things that are “funny/not funny.” I need to take my bike out, soon! I feel as though this God forsaken Biochemistry is hanging over my life like a grey cloud and it’s on my mind when I do other things beside work on that class. Soon…

I have both, I work at a special needs school and I’m attending college online, pursuing my bachelors of science degree in nursing. So far work has been fine. Of course it’s been fine the students haven’t begun attending yet. They are due to begin their first day Monday September 21. I’m not sure how many students in total are planning to come. Plus there are so many different classifications of classrooms it’s hard to keep up. I spent most of last week trying to set up medical equipment for procedures my students require while they’re st school. I’m not sure which of those students will be in attendance but I set up as though the majority will be coming. Last week was also professional development time. We had one zoom or webcast meeting after another. In my office at work I did not have internet access so my supervisor permitted us to attend the web meetings at home.

As for school for me…I’m stuck in biochemistry hell. This is horrible. I did not expect this class to be easy, no not at all. And unfortunately I wasn’t disappointed. I did not pass the final which means I did not pass the class and I must retake the final and pass it in order to pass the class. It’s very hard to get excited and study for a class you are not happy about. I’m supposed to meet frequently with the course instructor. Honestly I don’t have time for as frequent as they are suggesting. I’m making time this coming Wednesday to meet with her on a phone appointment. I have hope that the course instructor will have some insight that I don’t have.

I remember taking chemistry while in nursing school and hating every minute of it and rejoicing at the C I earned. So I’m not at all surprised that I’m not enjoying this class at all, not one bit. I’m praying to pass, it doesn’t have to be this all our brilliant passing with flying colors a simply passing by the skin of my teeth will suffice.

I Found My Dress!

Oh I’m so happy! It was relatively painless too. I was half heartedly looking at gowns/dresses at the bridal shop when we went to pick out at maid of honor and bridesmaids dresses for the girls a few weeks ago. But nothing really struck me to want to try on. Plus we weren’t there that day for me.

I like “bling” and wanted a dress that sparkled but I didn’t want to over sparkle. So I was browsing online and found a dress that I did like, a light lavender color with thin straps. It arrived and I had high hopes, but it didn’t fit right and I didn’t like the top. It wasn’t *the* dress for me, so I wrapped it up, printed out the return label and immediately sent it back.

So back to the drawing board. I was casually going through one of my favorite stores website and saw it, the dress! But…I didn’t really know if it would be the one until it arrived and I could try it on properly. Well today was the arrival and it fit and it’s so so pretty! The bodice is blinged out with a plain skirt/tulle over satin. It’s really what I had pictured in my mind when I thought of what I wanted as my dress as mother of the bride.

I’m not going to show a pic; alterations need to be done, shoes need to be chosen and besides it’s my daughter’s wedding. The element of surprise should be maintained. I’m just so surprised that my dress hunting was so painless as were all the other previous dress hunting expeditions. I’m so happy for Alyssa and Sam. They are a sweet young couple who should be having a low stress engagement.

Ordinarily as in years past (I mean pre-Covid,) today I would have reported to my school to make sure doctor’s orders were in place and equipment set up for students I provide care for to use in their classrooms. This would be done the day before school begins. Instead I’m assigned still to the enrichment center in Brooklyn until Friday… Friday is the latest last day as per the DOE. Things could change last minute as they have been.

I really don’t mind working at the enrichment center. I work with a great nurse/friend. And today we met the nurse who is usually assigned to the school we’ve been occupying. Her name is Angela and she is very nice. She spent most of her day clearing out not needed items and rearranging furniture in the office. I didn’t blame her. If my office space were occupied by someone else I would want to clear things out and take stock of what goes where and what is needed/not needed.

As long as I’m at the enrichment center my hours are the same. And that’s ok, I like getting home when I do, and traffic isn’t bad at all. So if things are so great at the enrichment center why do I want to return to my school so bad? I miss my school plain and simple. I miss my coworkers, the paras and teachers I haven’t seen outside of Facebook since schools were closed back in March. I miss the jokes we share and laughing together. I miss being serious with someone who takes the same things as serious as I do.

I have no idea how many of our students will attend school in person and how many will be attending remote, meaning from home. I don’t know what our hours will be for students attending in person. I really miss the students. I know my workload will increase when I return to my school and provide care for the population we serve, but I don’t care. My school is home for me. I received the nicest email from a co worker who was concerned that I wasn’t returning to my school at all. She said if I didn’t come back “it would be an incredible loss to our school.” I gasped. What a nice thing to say.

I also miss my office and my desk. I know where everything is and I know how to call just about anyone in the building for anything I might need. There’s something to be said for familiarity.

About 3-4 years ago I had my upper left thigh tattooed by who I thought was a reputable artist. He was not. And I ended up being unsatisfied and unhappy with the final product. I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. I didn’t wear shorts that were shorter than Bermuda shorts (like 8” long) and I wouldn’t wear mini skirts. I did wear a bathing suit at the beach or up at our friend’s lake house but I was not happy to have my upper thigh showing.

This summer I decided to have the tattoo “fixed.” Tommy recommended Jack who is an artist here where we live. We played text phone tag for a bit, then finally we were able to communicate with each other. I sent Jack pictures of my leg and he immediately wanted to know who did “that.” I am not outing the original tattoo’er and told him I’d rather not say. Jack was fine with that and went about planning his course of action to help me.

This past Wednesday was my appointment. I was nervous. Not about having another tattoo done but more nervous and embarrassed to show Jack the original tattoo in person. I had no reason to be nervous. Jack was great, very professional. He went about his business drawing, picking out stencils and was so creative and intense about fixing this tattoo. I knew I was in good hands. Finally after much back and forth with Jack explaining what he wanted to do and his reasoning behind his plan; Jack took tattoo markers and drew outlines on my leg. He then placed various stencils; every now and then asking me if I liked what he was creating. I said yes over and over. I let him develop his vision and play it out on my leg. He added detail where there was none and he added artwork where there should have been. He also covered up mistakes made by the original guy.

After about an hour we were ready to begin the actual tattooing. I am not going to lie, it hurt…a lot. I started texting to take my mind off it. First my husband but he was working so that didn’t pan out. Then I texted Lelly who sent me pictures of our dog Lola wearing a kerchief on her head. I was afraid to laugh for fear I would move and screw things up. After I was done texting Lelly I tried my mom who was more than happy to text with me. That was great. At first she didn’t understand why I was so unhappy with the original work and when I explained and showed her the mistakes she got it and we texted pretty much the whole time Jack was working.

I kept thinking of Jack saying, “A tattoo is supposed to accent the body part, to make that part look good and go with the natural lines of the body. This tattoo does none of that.” That’s kind of what kept me going as Jack was working on the new design. So three hours later he finished part 1. After he was finished with the aftercare instructions Jack said he wanted to thank me for letting him do what he wanted, that I didn’t try to take control of the process and refuse his suggestions. I didn’t know what to say except thank him for having the vision he had to fix what was wrong.

I go back in 4 weeks for Jack to finish up. There are roses that need to be filled in and other aspects to be finished and sharpened up. I can’t wait to see the finished product. So far it’s been well worth the pain.

So earlier this week we journeyed to Freehold NJ to the bridal shop to have the bridesmaids and maids of honor pick out dresses and try them on. Alyssa asked both Lelly and Samantha to be her maids of honor. I thought that was really sweet. Her two bridesmaids are both very great, nice young women that Alyssa has known pretty much forever. I wasn’t surprised when she told me who she was going to ask to be her bridesmaids. Mariah and Lulè are just lovely people.

Alyssa picked out the color, and the girls picked out dresses that they liked. It was a very smooth and drama free experience. The only exception was when we met with the saleswoman to order the dresses she informed us that the bridesmaids’ dress wasn’t available in the color Alyssa wanted. Had the saleswoman actually stayed with us while they were initially picking out dresses this could have been avoided. But…all was well when the girls agreed on another dress in a similar style.

In all honesty the girls were simply stunning when trying on their various dresses. They were tiny sizes (like size 2 and size 4) and they’re all beautiful young women who could pull off looking good in a potato sack; seriously.

I also have to mention that Samantha was great as well. We found a style dress in her size that fit her to perfection. It will only need minor alterations and she was the one who said she liked the dress. Alyssa agreed. No drama thank God! In fact the whole dress search process was drama free. It was impressive. No one complained, was impossible or insisted on anything that Alyssa wouldn’t want.

I’m so happy for Alyssa that so far everything has been going along well. Her and Sam’s engagement is 8 months long. It’s perfect, perfect timing for them.

I took this week off from work. Actually we planned to be at Sanibel Island, Florida this past week, at my mom’s time share condo right on the beach. It is gorgeous there and the beach is amazing. So many different shells and the water is so warm; you’re swimming in the Gulf of Mexico. Our plans were changed same as almost everyone I know due to Covid. So I still took the week off as planned. I agreed to work at the enrichment center in Brooklyn until school starts so taking this week off was good timing.

Today is my third and last beach day. The girls and I met up with my mom and nephew William on Tuesday and Thursday. Today it’s Samantha and I. Tommy met up with us for a little while and headed home. I didn’t *have* to come to the beach today. I could have done plenty at home such as school work for that lovely biochemistry class I’m almost finished with. But I love it here. I love hearing the waves crash and sitting on my chair in the sand feeling the sand on my feet and enjoying the sunshine. It’s fairly crowded but that’s to be expected for a great weather day.

I’m not dreading returning to work. I really enjoy my co workers/nurses I work with every day. I’ve learned new things from each of them, some life lessons and some life hacks if you will. I look at many situations very differently as a result of their openness and honesty. I’m so glad God saw it fit to place both women in my life.

You see so many different people from all walks of life here at the beach. At all different stages of life. It’s interesting to people watch. The NJ beach we’re at today is Ocean Grove. It’s pretty family oriented and quiet. I’m glad we came.

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Everyone who knows I am a school nurse is asking me about school opening, if the DOE is having part time in person and part time remote instruction, what is going on??

I. Don’t. Know. I know as much as any person who watches the news. They (the powers that be of NYC) aren’t telling their employees any more than they are telling the general public. I heard from our Mayor’s press conference that they will be staffing “all schools with a ‘certified’ nurse.” That was interesting because I don’t know what exactly a “certified” nurse is.

Right now I’m working at a Regional Enrichment Center (REC) in Brooklyn, right over the bridge. I’m grateful to be working and it’s a pleasant working environment. The children who attend the center are those who’s parents are essential workers ages 3-11yrs. The center is staying open right up until school is supposed to begin after Labor Day. I can’t help but wonder if schools are even going to be open. There doesn’t seem to be any solid plan in place. Will students be able to return in person a couple of days a week/half remote learning? Your guess is as good as mine.

Samantha wants to go to school; I don’t blame her. I know she will follow directions for social distancing and wear a mask. She’s eager to be around other kids, she’s starting high school. I’m eager for her to go and learn in person because I don’t feel she was taught enough during the remote learning she experienced this past March through June. There is no substitute for a live person teaching students in a classroom.

The silent treatment, ignoring someone, pretending they’re not there, just plain old not talking to someone. You don’t just up and decide you’re not speaking to someone overnight. There’s usually a reason; whether it’s a “good” reason or not can be debatable. I usually don’t recommend one person to not talk to another. I mean aren’t you supposed to talk things over to resolve a conflict? However, that can be a grey area for many people. And the decision to cut off communication with another is a decision some come by rather easily. I’m not one of those people. For me to not talk to someone and break off all communication it’s usually a last resort, straw that broke the camel’s back sort of situation.

I’m not altogether comfortable giving someone the silent treatment. I don’t like tension or drama. Not in my personal life and not in the work place. But there are times when a person is so toxic, extreme measures must be taken and self preservation is of importance. But then the question arises; how long does one not talk to this person for, how long does one keep this up? I don’t have an answer for that question. It’s an interesting and more common situation than I think.