Casting Crowns

The thrift and a spiritual rut

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Why do people donate badly stained or ripped/torn clothing? I’m not talking cool ripped denim jeans I mean blouses with horrid pit stains and sweaters with obvious moth holes. I don’t get it. Maybe because I’m an avid thrift shopper I only donate things that I would buy. If it’s stained or ripped it goes in the garbage not to the donate pile.

Speaking of which I had a slight laugh when I was thrifting today. I came across 3 tops I donated and yes it took me a minute to realize they were once mine. No, I didn’t buy them back 😜.

I did pretty good today at the thrift.  I happened upon a really nice lightweight denim dress that retails for about $180.00 the name is “Bella Blue”. Who knew? Not me that’s for sure. I learned a new high end retail name today. I also bought a new Hollister tank with stones at the neckline and a new silk blouse. Everything is washed and pressed and hanging in my closet ready to be worn.

I’ve been doing some soul searching lately and I’m in a spiritual rut. I need that fire that can only come from the Holy Spirit. I’ve talked and prayed about it and I’m going to attend another bible study tonite. I went to one last night but it didn’t do it for me. I also emailed one of the church staff members asking if he needed any volunteers for anything. I need to be with others and I want to serve or rather I need to serve. I felt a little better after I wrote the email. I also had a wonderful and insightful conversation with Louise who runs tonight’s bible study. Louise is just so good. I’m glad I have her in my life. I listen to a lot of christian music and it is so uplifting and speaks so much to my soul. I adore the band Casting Crowns. Their song “Just Be Held” speaks volumes to me lately. 

They’re such an awesome band.

On God opening doors and His perfect timing

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A good friend said to me today, “Well, pray on it…Only God can open a door that He wants open”. We were talking about me and working more, specifically working per Diem for a company that hires RN’s to staff wellness events such as blood pressure screening, blood glucose and cholesterol screenings, and corporate flu shot events. Since I’ve been hired by this new company they’ve sent me job offers but the times are not good for me. I still have to make sure someone is home for Samantha after school and that someone is me. I can’t rely on Alyssa and Lelly these days they are both involved in extra curricular activities and jobs, etc… I mentioned this to my friend while we were waiting for the kids to be dismissed after school. So I took his advice and I have prayed on it. I’ve given this over to the Lord. He’s the only one who can orchestrate a job for me that will work perfectly. And I know this will only occur at His perfect timing.

I have to remind myself of all the times God did open that door at just the perfect time. When we bought this house, when we were awaiting residential school for Thomas, when I desperately needed a therapist, I could go on and on…His timing is impeccable and He meets you where you are; I can’t stress that fact enough. The Lord finds you no matter where you are in your life and He meets you there in the exact spot you’d never think you would meet him. I met Him in my car while listening to Casting Crowns “Praise You In This Storm”. I also met Him another time while driving. I had a distinct image of me sitting with Jesus and other people. I was sitting at His feet and The Lord was talking. About what I have no idea. I wasn’t daydreaming it was very clear. And when it was over I knew I met with Him.

I love hearing people’s testimonies. No two are the same and it’s always clear to whom the glory belongs to. The one true living God. He who took on flesh, He knows what it’s like to hurt, to be betrayed, to feel physical pain, He knows what it’s like to love, he knows.

So I pray and wait for His perfect timing that is a result of His perfect love.

Testimonies and The Gospel

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I love hearing other people’s testimonies, hearing how the Lord led them here or there, how He has worked and continues to work in people’s lives. I’ve shared my testimony here on my blog about how I met the Lord while crying and listening to “Praise You in this Storm” by Casting Crowns. Lately I’ve been thinking of how God works in my life every single day. How He orchestrates literally everything and every circumstance. How He hand picked and chose every one of my children for me. He knew He was going to give me Thomas and how difficult it was going to be to raise him. He also gave me my girls; Alyssa, Daniella and Samantha knowing how “typical” they would be. Don’t get me wrong the girls been challenging in their own ways but they are nothing like the challenges we’ve faced with Thomas.

I love how God made Thomas so resilient, that when he was 8 years old we had no other choice but to enroll him in residential school for the first time. Thomas did not want to leave us but he did it. He said goodbye to us after every visit,  many times in tears but he would bounce back and adjust to his new “home”. He’s adapted even more wonderfully to the school he attends now. I credit God with gifting him the ability to adapt to new surroundings so well. No one else could have known Thomas would need such a gift and there is no way his resilience could be learned.

I’ve been thinking about the Gospel a lot lately too. No matter how many times I think of or hear the Gospel I am so humbled to know that Christ died for us. And the way He died; brutal. I am struck at how much God loved us that He gave up his son for us. Sometimes it’s more than I can think about and wrap my brain around it. I not only believe this, I know this to be truth. It is absolute and it saddens me when people don’t get it or stay away from the church. I don’t know how to spread the Gospel outside of this blog. I’m not one to loudly proclaim it even though I know the truth in my head and my heart. I wish I were more bold in person but maybe this blog is how God wants me to be bold.

Giving God the credit.

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I’ve been thinking lately how I haven’t been giving God the credit/glory for my life.  For my husband, my family, my depression being lifted.  Here I am feeling healthy for the first time in a long time and I have the nerve to not give God the glory. I credited my doctor for finding the right medication to prescribe but truth is if it weren’t for God who placed this doctor in my life to begin with I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I had been frustrated that it took as long as it did to find the right medication. There is a reason it took as long as it did. What that reason is? I have no idea but I know it is part of His master plan. God always has a plan. We’re just not always privy to what that plan is.

I think of my testimony of the first time I met the Lord. Thomas was in and out of the psychiatric hospital. And I was angry, so very angry. Angry at God for not letting me “in” to know his plan. I’d never been angry like this before, my husband was even concerned.  My friend Toni suggested I listen to the song by Casting Crowns, “Praise you in this storm”. I’d heard the song many times before, I even sang along to it if it played on the radion. I put the CD in while driving home after dropping Samantha off at pre-K one morning.  As the song played I began crying, and crying. While stopped at a red light (at an intersection I’ll never forget) I had the distinct vision of Jesus standing behind me.  While I was crying I envisioned Him cupping his hand and collecting my tears.  It was beautiful. I drove home in peace and had peace from then on. I was no longer angry at God. I realized He did have a plan and I only needed to trust in Him.

I think now of the trust I had then. I need to always have that trust and know that He is God and nothing is by accident or coincidence. There was no mistake in the medications I tried and they didn’t work. There are reasons only known by Him why I had to go through that storm. And it is by His grace that I came through the storm and I can talk about it.

Music

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These days I only listen to contemporary Christian music.  I love Hillsong, Matt Maher, Casting Crowns to name a few.  I find the music really hits my soul.  Before I found the Christian music station on the radio I was always searching for music to fill my soul, I felt like I was always looking for “something” when I was in the car flipping through the stations.  When I finally did find the Christian station I was so excited I had no idea how long they had been around or anything I was just so thrilled to find this music!

To me the funny thing is I spent my teenage years listening and going to many concerts of heavy metal bands.  We had a great time, some more fun than others. Sometimes we went to clubs to see bands and that was usually interesting when the mosh pit started. You learned quickly to back up and not get “caught in a mosh”

Oddly enough these days I rarely listen to the music I loved and adored back in the day. I really would rather hear a Christian song praising The Lord. Every now and then my husband will play some blast from the past and after I smile at the memories I’m done, I’m good you can shut that off now…

What makes me smile the most is when my daughters will ask me to turn up a song while I’m driving. The first time I was so surprised. Now I hear Christian music coming from my oldest daughter’s room when she’s getting ready in the morning. The two older girls do listen to “regular” music too like modern day stuff and I feel so behind when I don’t know these songs but meh…it’s ok I deal and feel a little old.

I just love the way contemporary Christian music lets me worship and the way it ministers to me. I never thought that would happen. But God works that way I guess.