Tommy was away this past weekend. We don’t usually have Thomas over unless we’re both here. I figured I would take him to lunch at Wendy’s fast food. I arrive at his house at 11:30 and he is ready! Dressed, sneakers on, and waiting for his jacket.

We get in my car and I ask Thomas if he wants to go anywhere else for lunch maybe a diner? Nope. Wendy’s. Ok. It takes us about 7 minutes to get there (stupid speed limit cameras). I have Thomas sit at a booth so I can electronically order fast food. I thought it was unreal personally. It would have taken less time to simply go to the front counter and speak with a live person; I digress.

Thomas tells me his usual; 2 cheeseburgers, soda and “a cookie.” We narrow down which soda and what kind of cookie, I press pay and in like 3 minutes the order is ready. I’m watching my son eat. He’s not the neatest eater but he totally enjoyed the cheeseburgers.

At one point Thomas was looking down at his food. I saw the hair on top of his head. It was the exact same circle whorl he had as a baby. I just stared at the circle, the whorl. It literally threw me back to when Thomas was a baby; holding him. It was all I could do to stop the tears. My eyes were so full. Thomas finished his cheeseburgers and was ready to go home.

We walked to my car. I asked him again if he wanted to go anywhere else, go for a ride? Thomas said no, he wanted to go home. We drove back to his house and I asked for a hug. I received 2 huge wet kisses and then a hug. It was awesome.

It was the best $12.67 and half hour I’d spent in a while.

I love posting pictures of my family, when my kids are together I try to get a picture of them all. Like everyone else I’ve taken pictures when they were babies as well as growing up. I remember taking pictures of everyone when Thomas was at residential school. It didn’t seem fair to not take pictures just because the circumstances or location weren’t ideal. Thomas even with all his issues was usually up for smiling for a picture.

Tommy and I never publicized what we were going through with Thomas. Social media wasn’t a “thing” back then. Most of our friends knew, those friends who were like family. Even so we would not have posted our business all over the internet. Ironically I do it now in this blog in retrospect.

There are people in this world who don’t acknowledge there are people with special needs. That there are special needs children who even attend school. That behind every special needs child is a parent(s) who didn’t chose this life, didn’t choose to have to make extremely difficult and important decisions. That the parent(s) did what was best for the child not what made things easier for the parent. Choosing what was best for our son: That was our life for many years. Special education evaluations, IEP meetings, medication decisions, residential school, I could go on. This is not written for pity. Don’t you dare pity us and by “us” I mean all the parents who’ve faced what we have faced.

I’m writing as I believe there are many people who only look at the shiny happy family pictures. Not the diagnosis’ we had to accept, the coldness of multiple professionals performing evaluations, attending IEP meetings alone or with younger children. The tears shed. Experiencing all that to have the end result; that genuine shiny happy family picture.

Lest anyone for one second believe this decision making ends at any particular age: It does not. Thomas is 30. His medications are still not where they should be. Thankfully Thomas is good with blood draws. Due to the complete fuck up of his meds I frequently refer to, I’ve had to find a new primary physician, nephrologist, and referral to the new current psychiatrist. Not tasks I ever imagined having to handle at this stage of the game.

I hope people do enjoy the pictures of my family. Their smiles are real and we do love and care for each other very much. However as most people who witnessed our life for what it was; this was not an easy road to arrive in the present.

Work begins tomorrow, the Tuesday after Labor Day. September 8. After summer school ended on August 13, all of us that worked have been off from the DOE. I’m not sure if I’m “ready” to go back. Usually I feel rested after the break between working summer school and the day we return. Usually I feel rested after”ready.” This September I don’t feel that readiness, that “ok, vacation is over let’s get back to work” feeling. I like working. I really like my job. My thoughts today.

My favorite people were here yesterday for dinner. I love my kids and I include my son in law as one of my “kids”. When I was raising them I never pictured what my kids would be like when they would be grown. Seeing them now watching everyone living their best lives. I look back and remember each as they were. The present adult versions have the quirks, charm and personalities that were all present when they were much younger. It’s pretty amazing to see all that.

We are all so, so excited to watch Alyssa in her 3rd trimester. November feels like tomorrow and next year all at the same time. One day at a time, it’s all you can do right? I love watching her belly grow. Lelly felt a kick yesterday. So cool.

We had such a great visit with Thomas yesterday. His meds are still being adjusted with the new psychiatrist. She’s been treating him over a year and half so I don’t know if she’s still “new”. I’m not over the former POS psychiatrist who fucked his meds up so horribly. Onward and upward! Yesterday Thomas was funny and sweet. It was so nice. I’m glad our day was good.