It’s Christmas Eve, December 24. Tommy has to work, I’m off until Jan 2. Tonight we will celebrate Christmas Eve with my mother in law. Tommy’s side of the family has always celebrated Christmas Eve while my family celebrates Christmas Day. This schedule has made our married life so easy, especially when the kids were younger. We didn’t have to run all over the place making sure we saw everybody.

I have a wicked cold and I’ve been up since about 3:30 this morning. I fell asleep on the couch and woke up with my nose completely congested and coughing from post nasal drip. I was settling down to watch television wjen Tommy got up for work. He didn’t keep me up but we ended up chatting a bit. I’m glad we had that opportunity together. I’m picking Thomas up early this afternoon. He flip flopped a few times over whether or not he was staying over tonight. He has this thing about “sleepovers” at our house. He does not consider my house his home anymore. Thomas has acclimated very well to living in the group home, it’s “his house.” At first I didn’t take to that all too well but now I realize it’s part of the process and all is well.

This year I’ve written emails to physicians whose care I’m under or who have taken care of one or more of my children. I have thanked them for their expertise and knowledge and for always being available when we needed them to be. One email was to Thomas’ first psychiatrist, Dr. Gianni Faedda located in Manhattan. He was the first doctor who had the conviction to diagnose Thomas correctly and begin medication that was appropriate to his diagnosis. He also always took my calls day or night and was a very caring doctor. I find it important to tell the doctors who have treated us well how pleased I am with them and that they are or have been appreciated. Good care is hard to find and complaints shouldn’t be all that people hear.

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!! I hope it is wonderful and magical and meaningful!

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Yesterday afternoon Alyssa asked me to accompany her to Brooklyn Tabernacle Church in Brooklyn to see “Joy to The World” a free Christmas production. She offered to drive too so who was I to say no? Traffic wasn’t bad and we made it to the parking lot in great time. We arrived at the church a few minutes earlier than the 4pm entrance time. I had never been to Brooklyn Tabernacle before, the place was beautiful. There were 2 levels, the ground level and a large balcony area. We tried to get seats on the first level but there were so many people saving seats it was not possible. So we were directed to go upstairs to the balcony section where people were also being inconsiderate and saving a ton of seats. Thankfully it was only Alyssa and I so we quickly found 2 seats together.

Before the show started the lead pastor came on stage to instruct everyone who was saving seats with coats and other belongings to remove everything because they had a very large crowd outside waiting to come in and since there wasn’t a cost for the show to the public, it wasn’t right to “save” seats. I thought that was awesome. Finally someone out there put their foot down about saving a row of seats for people who weren’t there. If you haven’t picked up on it yet, saving seats is one of my pet peeves.

The show began with a solo signer who was absolutely amazing. Her voice was both beautiful and bold. Her range was amazing and for a few minutes you thought you were at a Broadway theater. She sang her heart out and was led by the Holy Spirit. It was more than someone singing Christmas Carols and backed by the amazing Tabernacle choir. It was an incredible Christmas production with all sorts of singers and dancers. Hip hop dancers and break dancers, something for everyone. And the best part of the production was that is was totally about Jesus, the “reason for the season.” The work that went into the show was so apparent and so was their love of The Lord. I watched choir singers raising their arms in praise while singing. Like they couldn’t contain themselves, it was wonderful.

Before the show’s finale the lead Pastor came out and told of the reason for Christmas and shared the Gospel. He wasn’t a loud or fist pumping preacher, but rather spoke as if you were sitting in his living room having a conversation. I loved his style. And I loved his delivery of the message. He was all about following Jesus, surrendering your life to Him, and letting the Lord have his way and change you. To give you a new heart. We all prayed together and then the performers put on the finale which was awesome.

I’m so glad I went. Glad that I got to experience the production with my daughter, glad that I heard the Pastor speak and oh so glad I was given the opportunity to pray with him.

I completed my orientation assignment for my enrollment for my BSN. It wasn’t as bad as I though it would be. I managed to submit it this afternoon. I also was assigned a Program Mentor at this college. I’m to speak with her tomorrow evening over the phone. It should be interesting but I can’t help thinking it could be this totally formal, like a job interview phone call. I hope it’s not, I really hope this Mentor is friendly and remembers what it’s like to work and go to school. I am looking forward to starting even though I was contemplating pushing my start date to February. I’m glad I didn’t. The earlier I start the earlier I finish right? I never thought I would be back in school never mind looking to advance my career in nursing. I’m happy I’ve made peace with my choice.

Work has been nice, we’re getting gifts of candy and cookies, everything is so good! Terrible for those of us looking to not gain weight. I was invited to breakfast from a couple of classrooms, it’s really sweet of the staff. Some of the students have been really off behavior wise. There’s been events almost every day this week at school. Yesterday one of the Rotary Clubs bought pizza for the whole school, no kidding. Today was a school dance complete with DJ where all the students let loose and danced and danced. There was only one call for nursing to get down there and attend to a student. The students ended up being fine so no ambulance called, that’s always a plus. Tomorrow is a chorus concert and the kids who are singing are so, so excited. It’s really sweet. The music teacher is great, he puts his heart into these events.

I try to imagine what it would have been like to work at the school in Manhattan I was originally assigned to. Would I have liked that school as much as I like it here? When I visited other schools during my training, I’ll never forget one nurse who worked by herself telling me, “I have no friends here.” I was like omg…that totally stinks. I even witnessed her arguing with one of the teachers in front of students. Thank God I was only there for 2 days. But even the staff I met at other schools I trained at weren’t as nice as the staff here. At one school the principal and the nurses did not get along at all, it was horrible and a very tense environment. I was given this job for a reason and placed here at this school for a reason. God wouldn’t have made it this way if it weren’t so.

We’re 8 short days away from Christmas. I picked up Thomas Sunday afternoon and went to the stores and (I think) finished up my shopping. I have to go deep in the depths of my bedroom closet where I am known to throw shopping bags of gifts after purchasing, to really find out if I’m done. I tried last night but was too tired to sort out much. I may be missing part of one of Samantha’s gifts, should be an interesting search expedition. I have discovered during my survey of my closet that I have way too many shoes. I used to be strictly a summer/spring shoe collector/ wearer. I’ve since discovered my love of all things boots for the fall and winter seasons. As a result I need a bigger closet haha.

This week at school everyone is counting down the days until we’re off. Friday the 20th is our last day. We come back January 2. It’s a nice amount of time off, I’m not complaining, believe me. I don’t have any grand plans other than just enjoying the time off.

I’ve been working the after school program here at my school. It’s nice. I enjoy the quiet and the extra money of course. There’s paras and teachers who run the classrooms here. They’re all great. I also have interesting conversations with one of the janitors who cleans the 2nd floor. Nick is really cool.

After the holidays I begin my online classes. I have mixed feelings about that. Part of me is tempted to push off my start date but I have no real reason to do so except for being a procrastinator. So I don’t think I’ll do that. I don’t know yet what my first class will be. I had to take an online orientation presentation. Now I have to do a Q&A on said orientation. I’m not happy about that at all. But I’ll get it done.

It’s the Christmas season and I’m very happy about that. Today my school had their holiday fair and it was nice. Some things were a little pricey for a school fair but there were two tables of ornaments and leather key chains made by students in vocational programs at another site of our school. I bought a beautiful wooden Christmas tree ornament painted green with “pearls” for ornaments. I’m keeping it at my computer desk at work. I love that a student made it. I also purchased a leather key fob with a cross imprinted. It’s perfect. Today one of my student’s mother gifted me a Starbucks gift card for Christmas. I was blown away at the gesture and that she thought of me.

I’m almost done with Christmas shopping. I still have to finish up Thomas and I’m just about done with the girls. Samantha told me back in October what she wanted so I finished with her pretty early on. Alyssa and Lelly’s gift buying will be wrapped up hopefully this weekend or during next week. Tommy’s gifts are all purchased, the last one was delivered yesterday so I’m excited for him to open on Christmas Day. I did a combination of online and in store buying this Christmas. I remember one year, like 2 Christmases ago I did practically all shopping online. That was interesting because I’m typically an in person shopper, but for whatever reason that’s the way it was, I think it was when I began working full time after being home for many years, that makes sense.

I’ll be starting at a new to me online college in January for my BSN. I wasn’t thrilled with the one I was attending last year so I searched around, inquired about this new one and I prefer their style. They don’t require clinical hours for classes which is a huge plus. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out how to fit in clinical nursing hours for certain classes on top of working and being with my family. It would have been doable but difficult. With the new college I don’t have to be concerned with that. They also charge one flat rate per semester and you take as many classes as you want (4 class minimum) per semester. I’m looking forward to beginning, it should be interesting to experience a college whose style is completely different than the previous one. I’m hoping for less written paper assignments and more clinical knowledge. I don’t mind a paper here and there but the other college required a paper every week, it wasn’t easy but I did it. I feel I would apply further clinical teaching in my nursing practice than knowledge gained of various nursing theorists. I mean the theorists were interesting but I wasn’t enthralled with them.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Christmas music, songs sung by Christian artists. I really enjoy O Holy Night by Casting Crowns. It’s so powerful and beautiful. I can’t figure out how to post the video here so you’ll just have to google.

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I think I am an easy going person. I’ve been told I am by people close to me. My husband says I’m “real” with people and that’s why I get along with so many of my co workers. I like the majority of my coworkers. Working with a medically fragile student population I depend on the paras quote a bit to let me know if they notice changes in the students they are assigned to. Many of our students have 1:1 paraprofessionals so those paras really know the student they are assigned to and many have been assigned to the same student for multiple school years.

I’ve also been told I stay calm when the sh*t hits the fan at work. I wasn’t like that when I first became a nurse. I was crazy neurotic and I had so much anxiety that I did not even like being a nurse. Little did I know it was my work assignment that was the sole cause of my anxiety. I was a new nurse working on a neuro unit. There was a neuro floor where less acute and/or post op patients were, a neuro ICU and also a ventilator unit. I did not like working there and I quit shortly after I gave birth to Thomas. Now I love where I work and I know this is my calling; my niche. I’m usually confident in my judgments and assessments and I don’t lose my head when things get crazy. Don’t get me wrong there are times when I’m nervous and I’ll second guess myself, but nothing at all like when I worked at the hospital.

Just about every time I write about work I mention how much I enjoy my co workers. I’m a nurse working in a teacher’s world and I feel respected by the majority of the staff here. Sometimes it’s difficult because I’m looking at the students in a different way than the rest of the school is. They’re viewing the student through an educator lens and I’m looking through a nursing lens. There are a few staff members I don’t particularly care for. My interactions with said staff members are thankfully few and far between so I suspect the feeling is mutual. And that’s ok, there’s no way everyone can like everyone. I stick with the people I get along best. I have plenty of people I’m friendly with and enjoy being with. There is a nurse I worked with, Linda. She’s from an agency that is contracted with the DOE, we get along very well and I consider her a friend; which is hard to come by these days.

Thanksgiving is over; Black Friday shopping was successful. I didn’t do anything extreme like stay up all night to catch an awesome deal on electronics or door buster deals. Actually I first hit the thrift store where I scored a gorgeous pair of Louboutin flats. I had my eye on them for the past 2 weeks but they were priced high, Black Friday price was half off so yay for me! After the thrift store and lunch; Lelly, her boyfriend Viyath and Samantha and I went to our new outdoor outlet mall down by the ferry where we did some Christmas shopping.

On Saturday, Alyssa pulled all these boxes down from the attic and began decorating the house for Christmas. I put the tree up and today Samantha and I put the ornaments on the tree. I made an awesome chicken soup for dinner; it was a great ending to a nice four day weekend.

I went to church Sunday morning and one of the worship team members spoke about saying yes to God. About being obedient even when you don’t have the big picture in front of you that you have to trust God. I believe in what she said. I was being obedient to God when I was hired for the DOE, with the knowledge I was supposed to work in Manhattan. The commute would have been difficult but not impossible. I know I would have fell into a new normal of a routine. Never ever did I think I would be working 15 minutes from my house. God is amazing and He is good. The message from Pastor John was about having “an attitude of gratitude.” I enjoyed listening to him preach. Essentially his point was that we should thank God even in the bad times, when it is the most difficult time to thank him. I know I have a difficult time giving thanks to God when things are tough. I do remember when my dad died I wasn’t angry at God, I wasn’t angry that he died. I was thankful because I knew my dad was with the Heavenly Father.

When the next storm arrives I will make it a point to thank God for His never ending love and for His grace. For without either we literally have nothing. God extends His love to us and showed His love by sending His only son to die for our sins. There is no greater love than that.

The weekend had felt like it just flew by. Those two days off always feel too short. Like there are less hours in a Saturday plus Sunday than a Monday plus a Tuesday. Although this past Monday and Tuesday went pretty fast. It was a busy time of anaphylaxis, epinephrine, respiratory distress, oxygen and calling 911. Those things don’t occur everyday but enough that we are kept on our toes.

The rest of the week has been more of our normal speed with little bumps in the road here and there. Our typical days are busy as it is when all our students that need nursing services are in attendance. We had a fire drill today which is always interesting as we have many students in wheelchairs. You’re not permitted to use the elevator in the event of a fire; so those students who cannot navigate the stairs go to specialized holding rooms on the second and third floors. I’m the nurse who goes to the third floor holding room to stay with students and staff who are unable to leave students unattended. I don’t mind my role, it’s just odd to be walking up the stairs while everyone else is walking down the stairs and then out the building.

My first year at my school we did have a small fire. I was up in my spot in the third floor with students and teachers. We smelled the smoke but I wasn’t afraid I figured if it became really bad they would take us out through the window that’s specially made for evacuations. Thankfully it didn’t come to that. Everything was kept under control and we were led out by the firemen and then went down the street to a neighboring public grammar school as per our evacuation plan. The school was very accommodating to us. And after an hour or so we were allowed back into our building to gather the students’ belongings and get everyone in their busses, the next day it was business as usual.

One more day and it’s Friday! Another weekend to fly by really fast. And it will then be the beginning of another week, but this week is a short one due to Thanksgiving. It’s so great to have the day after Thanksgiving off and a 4 day weekend. Maybe I’ll do Black Friday shopping if some things catch my eye, otherwise I’ll probably put the tree up.

Thursday, the 14 of November started out as any other day. Three of the students I usually take care of were absent so that meant less running around for the day, or so I thought. In retrospect it was good that they were absent because I was able to take care of other unexpected incidents that popped that day. As soon as my students were off the bus and in the classroom I set them up for gastrostomy tube feedings and medicine administration. Our students who receive gastrostomy tube feedings receive their feedings in the classroom with their peers. We keep all the students’ supplies appropriately labeled in their own drawer and on a specifically labeled cart.

After feedings are started, I’m on to another student who requires morning medication, Later on in the morning I have to go to another floor to start a gastrostomy tube feeding for another student. At 11:30 all was right with the world…then things hit the fan. As I was finishing setting up my 11am g-tube feeding a call for a student needing nurse went out over the portable radio we are required to carry. I finished as quickly as I could and ran down to the first floor where the urgent situation was. One of my co workers was already there and was handling the situation well. My radio then goes off again, “Menay, report to room 3xx”. Crap! I ran back up to the third floor, panting trying to catch my breath. My other co worker had a situation with a student that she needed help with. We couldn’t do much to fix what went wrong since we did not have a doctor’s order to proceed further. The student’s mother was coming to the school to handle the situation. Whew! But that doesn’t mean it was over. The mom needed medical supplies located in our office in the 2nd floor. So another co worker was the go-getter of needed supplies making at least 2 trips back and forth between floors.

After helping out in the 3rd floor I still had to go back down to the 2nd floor for the 12:00 g-tube feedings and scheduled medications for other students. By the time I made it back to the nursing office it was standing room only. My students and their paras were waiting for me, other students and their paras were waiting for my co workers.

I managed to give out scheduled meds and then realized it was time to give water flushes to the students who received their 12 pm g tube feedings. There was also a previously scheduled meeting with the building response team that either my co worker or I or both of us were supposed to attend. Needless to say we both missed the meeting.

I was at Barnes and Nobles last week and I wandered over to the “nursing/medical” section hoping to find a book or 2 written by nurses about their lives and various experiences. I found nothing of interest. Nothing. There were self help books written by doctors, books written by doctors about how they changed as people when they became a doctor, and more self help books. Then there were text books of which I have no interest. I already took the classes they had textbooks about when I was in nursing school. Various drug information books and of course anatomy and physiology books. Just a sample of what I saw. I was disappointed. I am going to google and see what results I come up with.

I would love to read about other nurses’ experiences, especially a book about a nurse who swore she would never work as a nurse again, applied for a job she wasn’t sure she wanted, was hired for said job and as a result fell in love with her job and the profession of nursing. A feeling she never had towards nursing to begin with. And lest we not forget the whole handbag issue the main character would have.

My mom is a nurse and I always felt nursing was a calling, in your blood if that makes sense. My mom is an amazing nurse who had that calling and she’s so smart and talented I would absolutely say nursing is in her blood. Even when I graduated college I never felt that way about myself. When I worked my first job on the neuro unit in hospital there were many nights I wondered why was I doing this?? Was this really what I signed up for? I did not like working in the hospital. So much work both mentally and physically, so little time to use the freaking bathroom, so many personalities, so much drama, so not me. You had to work every other weekend and don’t get me started on working holidays. If you were me you weren’t a favorite of the manager and received the crappiest holiday schedule ever. But I’m not bitter… I digress…working in hospital was never for me I know that now. But I did get a great nursing foundation and experience so that’s the other side of the coin.

Today I tell people I love my job when asked “so how is work,” and I do love my job. It’s not the great schedule of Monday to Friday, off when the schools are off. I swear it’s not, a wonderful perk yes. I’m not ignorant. I love taking care of the students I’ve been entrusted to take care of. I love that parents trust me to take care of their special needs, medically fragile child. I don’t take that trust lightly. I never took it lightly when I had to put my trust in nurses I met that very day, to depend on them to give my son medications only I had given him as that was my department when Thomas lived at home. To trust those nurses to give him correct dosages, to remember to remind the doctor his blood levels and blood cell count had to be monitored. One of the hardest things I ever had to do secondary to handing over my son was to hand over his medications. It meant I had to step down a notch in his life and put my trust in someone else. I get it.

I sometimes wish I discovered school nursing when I was younger. But…when I was younger I was busy with Thomas, and also busy with Alyssa and Lelly, then came Samantha. So I don’t know how I would have held down a full time job when I had more than full time responsibilities for my family. The timing would have been off. My working now is nothing short of God’s timing.