I was off from work this week. I’m not going to lie; it was glorious.  Alyssa and Samantha were also off from school so I was able to spend time with them I otherwise wouldn’t. I wrote about spending the day in Manhattan with Alyssa this past Tuesday, I love it. Adult children are awesome.

This morning Samantha and I hit the thrift and then Target. We had a really nice time together. Samantha is so excited because tonight one of the youth groups she attends at church is having a “lock in.” Which means she’ll be spending the night there…going midnight bowling and staying up all night. Tomorrow should be interesting to say the least.

I didn’t get a ton accomplished this past week, but that’s ok. I was able to rearrange some things in the house, post a few things to sell online, went to the dentist, did a little laundry and pretty much soaked up being home. Alyssa and I also rearranged our front entry. It looks so nice!

In a way I’m looking forward to getting back to work. I like my job so going back is not horrendous. I’m looking forward to working this summer again believe it or not. I do miss my co worker Tom who retired this past September. He had a awesome way about him and was easy to be with. And he was always one to teach you if there was something that you weren’t familiar with. This past school year has been one that has shown me I can handle a lot of different situations. And I’m proud of myself. I’m still in awe of the fact that I love what I’m doing and I love working where I do. God is so good.

I had an appointment in Manhattan yesterday and Alyssa asked to accompany me. I of course agreed. This week we are off from school/work because of spring break. Have I mentioned how much I love working for the department of education? I’m off when the kids are off, it’s awesome. The only thing we don’t get are half days when the kids have half day but I am not complaining.

So anyway Alyssa and I went to the city early to do some shopping. First was our favorite thrift haunt on the upper west side, then I went to my appointment and Alyssa hit up the Urban Outfitters store a couple of blocks away. I met her there when I was done and scored a 69.00 sweater for 6.00! Definitely a shopper’s sky as my dad would say.

I know I’ve said this before but I really do enjoy my kids now that they are older. Yes they were adorable as young children but everything was so freaking hard at the time. Thomas was a handful and a half, the girls were being “just girls” and I was trying so hard to hold it all together. Now we have Thomas settled, Alyssa and Lelly are in college and Samantha is bringing up the rear. Samantha is not a baby anymore and that’s cool. If she doesn’t want to go somewhere with us and stay home that’s fine too.

So getting back to Manhattan we both scored at the thrift store. It was nice walking around and talking with Alyssa. We stopped at a Starbucks for some rest and something to drink and chatted. I like that my girls talk to me, like really talk. About things that are going on in their lives. It’s really, really nice. In my experience with my kids, you try so hard to raise them “right” and keep your shit together you don’t really look too far into the future. I know I didn’t. I was just trying to get through the days as best as I could. I know I did something right because my kids want to be with me. And I’m honored and blessed for that.

 

District 75 is the classification of where I work. It’s  one of the most restrictive special education environments.  Thomas was in district 75 before he went to residential which is the most restrictive environment in special ed. When you have a child who receives special education services the child is supposed to be placed in the least restrictive environment. We tried that and it wasn’t appropriate for Thomas; as I’m sure it was for most of the students who attend the school where I work. It’s no secret that I love where I work. I’ve found my niche in nursing. Finding your “niche” is something everyone I knew who was a nurse would talk about and I never believed them. Well it’s true. You have to find your place in life and in your work.

So getting back to district 75. I read a great article today on Facebook that one of my friends from work posted. It was a wonderful description of what it’s like to work and teach our students. But they didn’t mention the nurses.  I was like, man!  It would have been nice if the writer included the nurses who work in district 75 as much as he did the other employees of the particular school he focused on. I don’t believe as a nurse I am anymore important than any one else in district 75, but we all work as a team. That’s my opinion at least. I work with amazing teachers and paras who know their students so well! When I’m called because someone “doesn’t seem right today” I believe their observation. It’s the paras who usually spot a seizure first and then either call us in the nursing office to come right away or literally run to our office to get us. I’ve seen the most beautiful outpouring of compassion from paras and teachers and administration where I work.

When I applied to work at district 75 I never thought I was applying for the best job ever. I never thought I would get to know the students as well as I do and I never thought I’d have the relationships with parents that I do. I recently had a birthday and “my class” (that I’m in and out of alllllll day) surprised me with a cake and they even sang happy birthday!  I was floored I did not expect that at all. That’s the kind of relationships you form at district 75.

 

This Wednesday I celebrate my birthday, I’ll be one year below the big 5-0.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, I suppose I have a whole year to be freaked out about it. It’s kind of cool in a way. For the most part I’ve enjoyed my 40’s, don’t get me wrong it was a tumultuous decade for my family and me. Depression, anxiety, Thomas going to residential school, me going back to work first part time, then temporary full time the finally full time permanent with the DOE. Everyone always says everything happens for a reason and it sounds so cliche but it is so so true!  I wouldn’t be where I am job wise or even personal-wise if it weren’t for everything God put me through these past 9 years. He was with me every step of the way even when I couldn’t feel His presence, I have faith that He was with me and continues to be.

Its funny,  I had a very difficult time turning 30. I think I cried the whole day, big baby, lol. Now I’m a stone’s throw from 50 and I think it’s going to be ok…I say that now haha.

Work is great, I still love where I am. We’ve had some changes in the nurses I work with but all is well. The kids had a half day yesterday but we had to stay the whole day until 3. It was ok, I would have rather gone home at noon of course but we did a little decorating for spring and  straightened up a few things. So the time went by relatively quick. The kids at work are so good. One of the classrooms was turned into a commercial kitchen and the students learn how to clean, chop, prepare food, it’s so cool. They sell lunches 4 days a week and I’ll usually order lunch that many days. The students come around to all the rooms asking if anyone wants a smoothie or lunch, they are so good!  And the lunches are great. I’m so glad to be a part of my school. I’m so thankful The Lord placed me there. I can’t imagine the original plan of me working at a school in Manhattan. I know I would’ve gotten used to the commute but being a 15 minute drive away is unbelievable. I do wonder what the other school would’ve been like. I can’t imagine it being better than where I am now. I really like my principal she’s easy to talk to and very approachable. I remember one of the schools I trained at in Harlem. The nurse and the principal did not get along and there was a terrible tension between them. I can’t imagine working like that.

God is in control and He doesn’t make mistakes.

 

 

My friend died. Her name is Sheryl and is probably, next to my mom one of the most caring, wonderful, walk with God woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of calling “friend”. We first met one summer about 8 years ago  when I decided to join a summer bible atudy hosted by Sheryl and her wonderful husband, Pastor Larry. I of course took quick notice of Sheryl’s striking summer purse. It was such a pretty bag I had to say something. Sheryl laughed a bit when I complimented her and we quickly learned we were quite alike in our appreciation of purses and bags, oh and shoes. Pastor Larry would often joke that Sheryl and I would be holding a purse advice session soon when we were together.

But she was more than that. Sheryl was the type of Christian I could hope to be. She was kind and completely non judge mental and  had a heart so big especially for those with special needs as well as a fellow parent of a special needs child. Before Thomas went to residential school 6 years ago I was a complete mess. Sheryl would call out of the blue and let me know she was up very early that  morning and prayed for me before she went back to sleep. How wonderful is that! And thoughtful, so very thoughtful. And incredible. Sheryl knew the true meaning of friendship and lived it out loud. She understood what it was like to be a mom of a special needs child but she was far from a know it all. She was such a great friend to have. I feel like I can’t stress that enough about her.

I will miss her so much.

I leave for work pretty early to make sure I get a “good” parking space. The neighborhood my school is in isn’t the greatest so I like to make sure I’m not walking too far to my car after I get out of work. When I work late it’s not a big deal because most of us will walk in the same general direction towards our cars so no one is really walking alone. As I write this I’m sitting here in my “really good” parking space. My mom and my nephew Jacob usually call me at 7:30 while they are waiting for Jacob’s bus to come. It’s nice to talk to them.  I really should be reading my assigned text about yet another confusing nurse theorist, but it’s too early to tax my brain.

I had to write a shortish discussion post last week and I was so frustrated that I did not get what the theorist was getting at. I seriously wanted to kick somebody. I did the best I could and wrote the best I could expecting a zero. To my surprise other students in my class complimented my “understanding” of this woman and the professor graded the post 100. I almost fell over; seriously! I now understand that theory but it took me burning out some brain cells to do so. Each week there are at least 2 theorists we have to read up on and write about. Some are straightforward and some are really out there and  I’m left thinking what the heck?!  Is she serious?  And then there are others who were so passionate about nursing and really worked to define the art and practice of my profession you really get what they’re saying and it’s cool. This class is keeping my interest but in an abstract way depending on the theorist.

 

 

 

So I’m in the full swing of going back to school, taking classes for my bachelors of science in nursing. I’m taking online classes, one at a time. With the amount of writing I have to do with each assignment for one class I don’t see me taking more than one class at a time. Maybe if I wasn’t working full time, but things are what they are. I wouldn’t trade working full time for anything anyway. The class I’m taking now is “Concepts and Theories in Nursing.” It is as exciting as it sounds haha! But seriously it is kind of interesting…to see where nursing was as a profession back in Florence Nightengale’s day and how far it’s come today and how people have intellectualized the practice of nursing and how it is separate from medicine, that it is a both a science and an art. I’ve always believed nursing is ancalling. Especially using my mother as an example. She’s such a wonderful nurse and embodies all the qualities of a “good nurse.” One you would want around when things go down. I never thought of myself as being called to nursing before I started working at my school. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing until I landed here as a school nurse for special needs students.

But getting back to school, these papers are not easy and some of these nursing theorists are confusing believe it or not. IMO it’s like they think too much and make things complicated. Some are quite interesting and enlightening even. I feel like it’s the luck of the draw each week.

Work is great busy, I love where I am and I love what I do. Today was no exception and a bit busier than usual; shit happens and intense situations arise but it’s all good all is well and God is in this place.

 

 

 

I like to listen to a pastor named Michael Yousef on Sirius radio while I’m waiting to go to work. I really like the way he preaches his message, very clear and concise and he gets his point across. This morning he was preaching about marriage and how wives are to submit to their husbands. Every time I’ve read about this biblical description of marriage it’s always women up in arms saying they will not be “submissive.” It’s not about being submissive and being a doormat, so far from that. In this passage from Ephesians 5:23-24 explains it perfectly.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. No where in the above verses does it say for wives to be submissive to their husbands. As a Christian I agree that wives should submit to their husbands. They are the person whom God has chosen for you to be with. I understand that not every marriage is a happy one and for that I’m deeply sorry if that is your situation. However, if you call yourself a Christian and you are a follower of Jesus, submitting to your husband as you do to the Lord is what you are supposed to do. I know in my experience once I submitted my life to God and learned of this bible passage I found it easy to submit to my husband. I’m not treated poorly or as a meek submissive wife as a result. Nor do I see myself as less than a partner in our marriage. Today in my marriage and after submitting to my husband I do see him as the head of our family. We make decisions together and no one person is seen as “better” than the other. I still color my hair different colors as I see fit and my husband still shakes his head in amusement. Nothing has changed except that he is the “head” the same way Christ is the head of the church. The Bible also states that my husband is to love me the way Christ loves His church 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. In my opinion the husband has a greater obligation to his wife according to the Bible and marriage than the wife has to her husband. I know my husband loves me as he loves himself. He takes care of himself and he takes care of me. Nothing is perfect, we are not a perfect couple on a pedestal nor is our marriage a perfect one. But I chose to follow the Bible’s instructions on marriage and it works. God’s instructions work! Amazing but not surprising.

Recently a family I hold dear to my heart has suffered an unimaginable loss of their young daughter. Her death was a tragic unpredictable event. One that I can’t imagine living through. This tragedy also makes you wonder why? And ultimately asking God why did He allow such a tragedy to occur. There are no answers. No where in the Bible does it say we as believers will have an easy life, in fact it says just the opposite that we will have trials. It’s just that when we think of “trials” we never imagine the unimaginable. I know I think of difficult times maybe a rough patch here and there in life, maybe some “light” trouble in my marriage that’s overcome without issue and we go in our merry way with life.

Knowing that trials can be literally anything on that spectrum of tough times ranging from work issues to completely unexpected/unexplained loss of a loved one is so difficult. So difficult to accept that when we accept God’s will for the good in our lives we also must accept God’s will for trials we face, no matter how painful and unbearable that trial may be.

I’ve often wondered why God made my son the way he is. When Thomas was born I accepted this beautiful “perfect” baby boy as a gift. Truly a miracle as any child is.. Then the trials came and we realized Thomas had issues. Issues that took us 12 years to get a definitive answer for. Is my son less than perfect today? No. He’s as perfect and wonderfully made in the way God created him.

We will only know the answer to God’s trials and the pain we feel during those trials when the day comes that we are face to face with Jesus. I don’t think I will care to know the “why” at that point. I wonder if I’ll be so in awe of His presence that nothing else will matter.

I will pray for my friend who is going through such a horrific trial right now. I don’t know how she feels. But I know we serve a mighty God and he never wastes a tear.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my dad passing on. I actually found out today, the day after he passed. So today it hit me a little harder than yesterday.

I miss him. My best friend put it the best way I can describe when her dad passed. She said, “It’s that it’s permanent that’s what get me.” And she’s right but she’s also wrong. It’s permanent in *this* world.  Not in the spiritual sense. My dad is with the Lord. He’s healed, he’s whole and he is living! Praise God! Even though I know this with all my heart I still miss him and it still hurts that he’s not here with us.

I’ve been listening to Pastor John Piper (if you haven’t heard of him google him. He is phenomenal). My wonderful friend Louise passed on a message that he preached on with him saying in so many words that if you follow Christ you will never see death. Yes you will one day die but you won’t “taste” death. It is a message that I really needed to hear at that exact time. God is amazing in His timing. I’ve listened to that message from John Piper at least 3 times and it’s as great the 3rd time as it is the 1st time. Here is the link if you’d like to be enlightened:

https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/you-will-never-see-death

So getting back to my dad. I’ve been taking to my girls about my dad and when I started driving. I don’t know how we ever got on the subject. My dad was a mechanic, that’s what he did for a living. However if you’re ever heard the saying the “shoemaker’s children go barefoot…” that was us and cars and my dad. Don’t ask why but he never taught us to go and get a simple oil change on our cars. So daddy would get us these cars to drive, we would drive them to death and then he’d get us another one. Fun times I tell you ! And God forbid you felt the car was too big and you were afraid to drive it. “Just drive it!” He would exclaim at us. So funny. I still heard that when I had to drive Tommy’s pick up to work when my car was in the shop. I never drove a pick up truck before…Just Drive! I heard in my head. Good advise then and now.

He was a great Dad. Low maintenance, he didn’t like a fuss. Although if you were cutting him a piece of cake it had better be a “hunk” not some sissy little piece. Tommy and I recently bought me a new car this past December. I think daddy would have liked it. Especially that it’s smalller than what I was driving and now I feel like I’m zipping all over the place. It’s great on gas and daddy would have loved that part.

This time last year I was trying to absorb the fact that my dad had passed away, on to be it’s the Lord. My house was 80% finished from our renovation. Today I still have a hard time that daddy is gone and the house is 100% finished. Some things change and some don’t.