Parenting, it’s not easy. And I am far from an expert. Typical children, children with special needs, you name it they really need to come with an instruction book. I used to say that kids did come with instructions but the hospital staff threw them away before you knew about them. Thomas was difficult to parent. I knew something was wrong but every “professional” I saw about him told me he was fine. Man that was hard. It wasn’t until he was almost 6 did I find someone to believe me. Then it wasn’t until Thomas was 12 that we were given a definite diagnosis. Insane I tell you. So while dealing with that we had Alyssa and Lelly who were by comparison “easy” to parent and raise. Lelly was much more spirited than Alyssa, she still is. Alyssa even in her early 20’s continues to meet every milestone of development perfectly on time. It’s amazing actually. After having Thomas who was not meeting milestones on time, it was a Godsend to have Alyssa who did so as if she read a growth and development textbook.

Samantha is in her own category. She’s 5 years younger than Lelly and the youngest of them all. She kind of has an only child personality going on. And sometimes I don’t know what to do with her. At 12 and a half she’s very independent and outspoken and not always in a good way, the outspokenness that is. The independence is great.

I identify with so many of the parents of the students I give care to. I don’t always know what it’s like to walk in all of their shoes but I know how to walk in mine. And many hurdles, decisions, issues and challenges are the same no matter what the students’ diagnosis is. Emotions are the same. When everyone was younger I always felt like I had one foot in the typical realm of parenting and one foot in the special needs realm. You know that poem about comparing having a special needs child to landing in Holland? (http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html). I always felt like I lived in Holland but my girls allowed me to visit Italy. It was and still is nice to have that privilege.

 

Over  the past 10 months or so I’ve been coloring my hair different colors. I started with rose gold  and progressed to dark pink my latest was dark pink roots and blonde ends. I’ve been coloring my hair since I was 17. First with mom as my colorist then I progressed to doing it myself. I can say with confidence that except for the very dark brown/black colors I’ve tried almost every drug store color out there. I get bored with hair color, and it used to be a relatively easy thing to change. These days I go to the salon because of the rainbow of colors I’ve been wanting. I couldn’t do it myself and if you can’t do something yourself you find someone who knows how to do it. That’s where Natalya my stylist comes in. She is wonderful.

Today I wanted the pink gone, I feel bored  with all the different colors I’ve been doing believe it or not so she bleached out the roots. Poof! The dark pink had disappeared. Like magic I tell you. In its place I did dark blonde roots and light blonde ends.  Nothing conventional but nothing “out there” either. I really like they way it came out. My hair is short it used to be pixie cut short before that I had the sides shaved and left the top longish. That’s what enabled me to do all those different colors, I’m not worried about doing damage to long hair. I don’t know if I’ll ever grow it out long again. Growing out short hair just stinks, you get to this horrid in between stage and screaming doesn’t help your hair grow. So when I got to that point I stopped the torture and just cut it again. Problem solved!

 

 

 

 

I fell asleep on the couch last night, woke up around 3:30am and for the most part have been awake since then. Don’t ask why because I have no idea.  I’m not a late  sleeper these days anyway but this is just rediculous. I’ll live, it’s a cloudy day anyway so I will soak up the rain when it comes later.

I’m waiting to go to church. I love my church and my church family. I am the leader of a small group for moms of special needs children. We meet twice a month and it’s nice. There’s no judgment, our kids are all different ages and these’s always information shared. With Thomas living in a group home I’m not always up on the latest news about services and Medicaid so I’m thankful to the women who attend and share new things they’ve learned. I’ve also learned a lot from the parents and parent coordinator at the school I work. Our parent coordinator, Zenaida is wonderful! She has a special needs son and she’s so real and is a straight shooter. I really like her. My small group is very small I try to recruit more moms to come but it’s not easy. Some don’t have child care or anyone who can look after the special needs son or daughter, some have scheduling conflicts, etc…

So tomorrow is back to work/reality. I’m ok with this. The time off has been great but it’s time to go back.  I find I miss a lot of the people I work with. Most of those that I like and get along with really like their jobs the way I do so it’s great when you find that common ground. I’m friendly with one of Thomas’ former teachers. Her name is Cheryl. She was cleaning out her room and came across a picture from a trip she took; Thomas’ class to the local newspaper. There was Thomas front and center! It was really cool.

Time for church so I’m off!  Enjoy your Sunday!

I was off from work this week. I’m not going to lie; it was glorious.  Alyssa and Samantha were also off from school so I was able to spend time with them I otherwise wouldn’t. I wrote about spending the day in Manhattan with Alyssa this past Tuesday, I love it. Adult children are awesome.

This morning Samantha and I hit the thrift and then Target. We had a really nice time together. Samantha is so excited because tonight one of the youth groups she attends at church is having a “lock in.” Which means she’ll be spending the night there…going midnight bowling and staying up all night. Tomorrow should be interesting to say the least.

I didn’t get a ton accomplished this past week, but that’s ok. I was able to rearrange some things in the house, post a few things to sell online, went to the dentist, did a little laundry and pretty much soaked up being home. Alyssa and I also rearranged our front entry. It looks so nice!

In a way I’m looking forward to getting back to work. I like my job so going back is not horrendous. I’m looking forward to working this summer again believe it or not. I do miss my co worker Tom who retired this past September. He had a awesome way about him and was easy to be with. And he was always one to teach you if there was something that you weren’t familiar with. This past school year has been one that has shown me I can handle a lot of different situations. And I’m proud of myself. I’m still in awe of the fact that I love what I’m doing and I love working where I do. God is so good.

I had an appointment in Manhattan yesterday and Alyssa asked to accompany me. I of course agreed. This week we are off from school/work because of spring break. Have I mentioned how much I love working for the department of education? I’m off when the kids are off, it’s awesome. The only thing we don’t get are half days when the kids have half day but I am not complaining.

So anyway Alyssa and I went to the city early to do some shopping. First was our favorite thrift haunt on the upper west side, then I went to my appointment and Alyssa hit up the Urban Outfitters store a couple of blocks away. I met her there when I was done and scored a 69.00 sweater for 6.00! Definitely a shopper’s sky as my dad would say.

I know I’ve said this before but I really do enjoy my kids now that they are older. Yes they were adorable as young children but everything was so freaking hard at the time. Thomas was a handful and a half, the girls were being “just girls” and I was trying so hard to hold it all together. Now we have Thomas settled, Alyssa and Lelly are in college and Samantha is bringing up the rear. Samantha is not a baby anymore and that’s cool. If she doesn’t want to go somewhere with us and stay home that’s fine too.

So getting back to Manhattan we both scored at the thrift store. It was nice walking around and talking with Alyssa. We stopped at a Starbucks for some rest and something to drink and chatted. I like that my girls talk to me, like really talk. About things that are going on in their lives. It’s really, really nice. In my experience with my kids, you try so hard to raise them “right” and keep your shit together you don’t really look too far into the future. I know I didn’t. I was just trying to get through the days as best as I could. I know I did something right because my kids want to be with me. And I’m honored and blessed for that.

 

District 75 is the classification of where I work. It’s  one of the most restrictive special education environments.  Thomas was in district 75 before he went to residential which is the most restrictive environment in special ed. When you have a child who receives special education services the child is supposed to be placed in the least restrictive environment. We tried that and it wasn’t appropriate for Thomas; as I’m sure it was for most of the students who attend the school where I work. It’s no secret that I love where I work. I’ve found my niche in nursing. Finding your “niche” is something everyone I knew who was a nurse would talk about and I never believed them. Well it’s true. You have to find your place in life and in your work.

So getting back to district 75. I read a great article today on Facebook that one of my friends from work posted. It was a wonderful description of what it’s like to work and teach our students. But they didn’t mention the nurses.  I was like, man!  It would have been nice if the writer included the nurses who work in district 75 as much as he did the other employees of the particular school he focused on. I don’t believe as a nurse I am anymore important than any one else in district 75, but we all work as a team. That’s my opinion at least. I work with amazing teachers and paras who know their students so well! When I’m called because someone “doesn’t seem right today” I believe their observation. It’s the paras who usually spot a seizure first and then either call us in the nursing office to come right away or literally run to our office to get us. I’ve seen the most beautiful outpouring of compassion from paras and teachers and administration where I work.

When I applied to work at district 75 I never thought I was applying for the best job ever. I never thought I would get to know the students as well as I do and I never thought I’d have the relationships with parents that I do. I recently had a birthday and “my class” (that I’m in and out of alllllll day) surprised me with a cake and they even sang happy birthday!  I was floored I did not expect that at all. That’s the kind of relationships you form at district 75.

 

This Wednesday I celebrate my birthday, I’ll be one year below the big 5-0.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, I suppose I have a whole year to be freaked out about it. It’s kind of cool in a way. For the most part I’ve enjoyed my 40’s, don’t get me wrong it was a tumultuous decade for my family and me. Depression, anxiety, Thomas going to residential school, me going back to work first part time, then temporary full time the finally full time permanent with the DOE. Everyone always says everything happens for a reason and it sounds so cliche but it is so so true!  I wouldn’t be where I am job wise or even personal-wise if it weren’t for everything God put me through these past 9 years. He was with me every step of the way even when I couldn’t feel His presence, I have faith that He was with me and continues to be.

Its funny,  I had a very difficult time turning 30. I think I cried the whole day, big baby, lol. Now I’m a stone’s throw from 50 and I think it’s going to be ok…I say that now haha.

Work is great, I still love where I am. We’ve had some changes in the nurses I work with but all is well. The kids had a half day yesterday but we had to stay the whole day until 3. It was ok, I would have rather gone home at noon of course but we did a little decorating for spring and  straightened up a few things. So the time went by relatively quick. The kids at work are so good. One of the classrooms was turned into a commercial kitchen and the students learn how to clean, chop, prepare food, it’s so cool. They sell lunches 4 days a week and I’ll usually order lunch that many days. The students come around to all the rooms asking if anyone wants a smoothie or lunch, they are so good!  And the lunches are great. I’m so glad to be a part of my school. I’m so thankful The Lord placed me there. I can’t imagine the original plan of me working at a school in Manhattan. I know I would’ve gotten used to the commute but being a 15 minute drive away is unbelievable. I do wonder what the other school would’ve been like. I can’t imagine it being better than where I am now. I really like my principal she’s easy to talk to and very approachable. I remember one of the schools I trained at in Harlem. The nurse and the principal did not get along and there was a terrible tension between them. I can’t imagine working like that.

God is in control and He doesn’t make mistakes.

 

 

My friend died. Her name is Sheryl and is probably, next to my mom one of the most caring, wonderful, walk with God woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of calling “friend”. We first met one summer about 8 years ago  when I decided to join a summer bible atudy hosted by Sheryl and her wonderful husband, Pastor Larry. I of course took quick notice of Sheryl’s striking summer purse. It was such a pretty bag I had to say something. Sheryl laughed a bit when I complimented her and we quickly learned we were quite alike in our appreciation of purses and bags, oh and shoes. Pastor Larry would often joke that Sheryl and I would be holding a purse advice session soon when we were together.

But she was more than that. Sheryl was the type of Christian I could hope to be. She was kind and completely non judge mental and  had a heart so big especially for those with special needs as well as a fellow parent of a special needs child. Before Thomas went to residential school 6 years ago I was a complete mess. Sheryl would call out of the blue and let me know she was up very early that  morning and prayed for me before she went back to sleep. How wonderful is that! And thoughtful, so very thoughtful. And incredible. Sheryl knew the true meaning of friendship and lived it out loud. She understood what it was like to be a mom of a special needs child but she was far from a know it all. She was such a great friend to have. I feel like I can’t stress that enough about her.

I will miss her so much.

I leave for work pretty early to make sure I get a “good” parking space. The neighborhood my school is in isn’t the greatest so I like to make sure I’m not walking too far to my car after I get out of work. When I work late it’s not a big deal because most of us will walk in the same general direction towards our cars so no one is really walking alone. As I write this I’m sitting here in my “really good” parking space. My mom and my nephew Jacob usually call me at 7:30 while they are waiting for Jacob’s bus to come. It’s nice to talk to them.  I really should be reading my assigned text about yet another confusing nurse theorist, but it’s too early to tax my brain.

I had to write a shortish discussion post last week and I was so frustrated that I did not get what the theorist was getting at. I seriously wanted to kick somebody. I did the best I could and wrote the best I could expecting a zero. To my surprise other students in my class complimented my “understanding” of this woman and the professor graded the post 100. I almost fell over; seriously! I now understand that theory but it took me burning out some brain cells to do so. Each week there are at least 2 theorists we have to read up on and write about. Some are straightforward and some are really out there and  I’m left thinking what the heck?!  Is she serious?  And then there are others who were so passionate about nursing and really worked to define the art and practice of my profession you really get what they’re saying and it’s cool. This class is keeping my interest but in an abstract way depending on the theorist.

 

 

 

So I’m in the full swing of going back to school, taking classes for my bachelors of science in nursing. I’m taking online classes, one at a time. With the amount of writing I have to do with each assignment for one class I don’t see me taking more than one class at a time. Maybe if I wasn’t working full time, but things are what they are. I wouldn’t trade working full time for anything anyway. The class I’m taking now is “Concepts and Theories in Nursing.” It is as exciting as it sounds haha! But seriously it is kind of interesting…to see where nursing was as a profession back in Florence Nightengale’s day and how far it’s come today and how people have intellectualized the practice of nursing and how it is separate from medicine, that it is a both a science and an art. I’ve always believed nursing is ancalling. Especially using my mother as an example. She’s such a wonderful nurse and embodies all the qualities of a “good nurse.” One you would want around when things go down. I never thought of myself as being called to nursing before I started working at my school. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing until I landed here as a school nurse for special needs students.

But getting back to school, these papers are not easy and some of these nursing theorists are confusing believe it or not. IMO it’s like they think too much and make things complicated. Some are quite interesting and enlightening even. I feel like it’s the luck of the draw each week.

Work is great busy, I love where I am and I love what I do. Today was no exception and a bit busier than usual; shit happens and intense situations arise but it’s all good all is well and God is in this place.