I am ready to say farewell to 2016. During this past year my father in law passed away, my Dad was diagnosed with liver and colon cancer. My Mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She had to undergo two surgeries with more surgery to come. That is after she finishes chemotherapy.

I took it hard when my Dad was diagnosed but I think I took it harder when my Mom was diagnosed. My Mom has always been the strong one. The “everything  going to be alright” one. When her diagnosis hit I was assaulted with the reality of the mortality of my Mom. I was already reeling from the hit of the same concerning my Dad. My world was out of my control and I wanted the storm to stop. Thankfully I have my faith. I prayed and prayed for both my parents. I prayed for wisdom and clarity for their doctors. Finally I prayed and laid everything at the Lord’s feet. I laid out my fears to Him and I felt a peace about both my parents and their health. No matter what happens it will be according to God’s plan. They are both believers so I am not concerned with their salvation. I am still worried about them but not the frantic panic of incessant worry I felt in the beginning.

I call my mom quite often. I always have. sometimes life gets in the way but I like to touch base with her. When she was recovering from surgery and the diagnosis of her cancer was raw I’d call everyday. As long as I could talk to her everything would be fine is how I felt. I don’t call as often these days. I don’t feel that urgent need anymore. I know that God has his hand on us and we are under His care. Nothing is going to happen that isn’t under His ever present watchful eye. His ways are higher than ours.

 

 

It’s two days before Christmas and I *think* I’m done.  Done shoppping and just about done wrapping presents. This year was different in terms of when and how I did my shopping. It’s the first year of me working full time so I did more online shopping this year. That worked out great as most of the packages were free shipping so yay!

It’s a bit of a somber Christmas what with my father in law passing in October and my Dad battling liver cancer. I’ve learned to not take anyone for granted. You truly never know who will be with you one year and not the next. But God is still good and shows Himself in ways that are always unexpected.

This past school year I was terribly worried about Samantha and which junior high she would attend next year for 6th grade. By the middle of October she was enrolled in a charter school that called me for an unexpected opening they had. This school includes junior high and even high school should Samantha choose to attend. So far it’s been a great experience and I’m glad she made the move. I truly believe God’s hand was on this because the timing was unbelievably perfect. And perfect is the only timing that God knows.

I have another example of God’s perfect timing. I received a phone call from the owner of the agency who runs the group home we’ve been waiting for Thomas to move in to. He called to wish me an early Merry Christmas and tell me that Thomas will be able to move to the group home in January, 2017. My daughter who heard the phone call conversation exclaimed, “God moved!!” She had heard me say enough times that Thomas will move when God wants him to move. Needless to say I’m thrilled for Thomas and our family since this move will make it so much easier to see him and take him out for dinner or shopping or whatever we want to do with him since the group home is 10 minutes from our house.

God is so good and I’m excited to see how He’ll move in the new year.

I have a wonderful, loving husband, healthy children; a great job that I like doing *and* I’ve been working with wonderful, very welcoming people. I can’t ask for more. The only thing I miss slightly  is Manhattan. I wouldn’t give this job up to work full time in the city but it was nice to do so on a part time basis. I miss the commute believe it or not. I liked the ferry and leaving this island where I live for a few hours a day, a few days a week. There’s a certain anonymity you feel when you’re in the city. It’s almost like a mini vacay from your everyday life. I need to get back there.

Merry Christmas!  I hope it is merry and bright.

I’ve been working full time now for about 6-8 weeks. I really like it. I like having a purpose outside of being “Mom” the way I’ve been for pretty much the past 20 years give or take a few years here and there when I worked a part time job.

Our children are at a point in their lives where they don’t require my constant attention. That doesn’t mean they still don’t want my constant attention. Work itself is not particularly stressful. In fact I enjoy the work I do. I like the challenges and meeting and working with different people. Each day is interesting.

The stress isn’t from work. It’s when I get home. I’m not tired from work. I do get tired and stressed from trying to start dinner and help Samantha with her homework at the same time. It was during that certain frustrating scenario that Alyssa proclaimed,”I don’t like ‘working’ Mom”. Because I wasn’t all sweet and patient and more importantly I wasn’t paying attention to her. I will admit that Alyssa did make me laugh with her statement. And I replied, “Well I don’t like, ‘stressed out, trying to help Samantha with her homework Mom'”. We all had a laugh over that one.

You think when your children get older they won’t need you as much. I find the opposite to be true. The older my kids get they do need  attention they need but in a different way. Alyssa needs to talk to me on a daily basis and I love that. Lelly is the same. She needs to touch base with me even if it’s just a text to say hello. Lelly also loves to be hugged. At age 15, it’s really sweet.

I know I’m the same way with my own mother.  I need her attention here and there. I usually speak to my mom a few times a week most recently; everyday. I need to touch base with her and make sure she is “ok”.

 

I’ve been working full time for about 3 weeks now and I really like it. I like being out of the house; I like having a purpose for my days. I  really like being around other people while I’m working. My immediate co workers are other nurses like me and I really enjoy their company and hearing about their backgrounds and their lives. We’re all so different but we all get along and help each other out.

My job is chart abstracting. Which is the technical term for saying I take paper charts and doctor’s notes and put them on a specific computer program that I’ve been trained to use. I find the work to be challenging at times since I don’t know every medical abbreviation out there and doctors aren’t exactly known for having neat handwriting. I like what I do, I don’t find it boring although sitting in front of a computer all day can be challenging. That can be solved by taking a mini break or stretching, getting a glass of water… I really enjoy working with the people who work at the office I’m assigned to. That staff had been wonderful to us. Very helpful and just all around nice.

The most challenging part of working full time is getting dinner on the table and making sure Samantha’s homework is done. My first day of work, when I walked through the door my girls looked at me like “well? Where’s dinner?” I didn’t know which way to turn first. I did think ahead and had chicken defrosted but I felt like I couldn’t cook it fast enough. Oh and let’s not forget about the laundry!

Im so grateful to God for this job. I prayed and prayed for the job I knew God had in store for me and He heard me. He waited for the depression to be lifted and for me to be able to handle working these hours and to be able to care for my family all at the same time. I can’t say when would have been a better time because God’s timing is always perfect. Always.

 

 

 

I worked one day last week to complete training today my new job. After that was the wake and then funeral for my much loved father in law. I offered to my supervisors to return again on Friday after the funeral but they told me to just start on Monday, start new for a new week. To be honest I was grateful they told me to not go in on Friday my head wasn’t together enough to go to work.

So tomorrow I start my first week of my new life. Working full time. It’s going to be an adjustment for us. Everyone is so used to me being here, heck I’m used to me being here, all the time. I’ll have to adjust the most normal things in life like when I’ll go food shopping, when I’ll get my nails done, I’ll have to meal plan, things I never thought of before as a mostly stay at home mom.

My dress code is business casual so I went shopping on Friday for a few things. I’m worried I’ll hate the things I have to wear. I’ve never been in a business casual environment before. Have I mentioned the area I’m working in is very cold. Tommy says it’s because there are a lot of computers, that makes sense. I just wasn’t prepared for the temperature to be that cold. So this past Friday I made sure I purchased a couple of long cardigans. I must say I miss Manhattan already for the great sale rack at Banana Republic.

I keep thinking back to the last real conversation I had with Chick, my father in law. I was telling him about this job, what I would be doing and that it was full time. He was so happy for me. It makes my head spin that in such a short period of time such a drastic life change could take place. I know he’s with our Lord.  I know he’s looking down at us in peace with no more suffering.

So I’ve picked out my clothes and figured out what to take for lunch and have my bag packed for whatever paper work I’ll need. I’m off…tomorrow!

 

This week my family said goodbye to a father, a grandfather, a husband, a father in law, a friend, a neighbor, an all around wonderful man. It was one of the most difficult wakes and funerals I’ve been through. This man was my father in law who treated me as if I were his own daughter. I blogged about him in my last blog post titled “Bye…Babe”. Chick called everyone “Babe”. It was his term of endearment. I always felt his warmth when he called me Babe.

I’m truly going to miss Chick. Or Chicklet as I used to call him. He would smile when I addressed him that way. I can’t believe he’s gone. Just before he became ill I was telling him about my new job. The job I am hired to do now. That is how sudden the decline in his health came upon him. He was happy for me when I told him about the job. But that’s the way Chick was, he would be happy for you, not jealous or envious because you were doing something he wasn’t.

The funeral was so very difficult. It was truly the very final goodbye to a very good man. Marie, my mother in law and his wife broke your heart. She loved him fiercely and him her. When I cried with her she would say to me, “you have no idea how this feels…” and I would just look at her with tears in my eyes and say no I don’t. How could I know how she feels? I can only imagine and I’m sure that isn’t even close.

I’m going to miss Chicklet and his kind and loving manner. The father in law that was more than an “in law” to me.

My father in law, “Chick” passed away early yesterday morning. He was 80 years old and probably the sweetest man you’ll ever meet. I met Chick when I was 17 years old almost 30 years ago. He never failed to make me feel welcome in his home. He always had a smile on his face and a twinkle in those blue eyes. The kind of man people would say, “He’d give you the shirt off his own back” and the truth is Chick actually would do that. He adored his family both blood and by marriage. I never felt like an inlaw with Chick I felt like an actual daughter because he treated me like one.

He loved me like a daughter and I loved him like a father. It was easy to do with Chick. He was warm and affectionate and never failed to make you feel at ease. He adored his grandchildren with an unabashed adoration that was sweet to bear witness to. I will miss him and my children will miss their Poppy. There will never be another Chick nor should there be, he was truly one of a kind.

My Dad is now  recouperating in a rehab facility near his home. His surgeon wants his body to heal further before he starts chemotherapy. A few days ago I wasn’t even sure he was going to chose chemo. I don’t know how I feel either way about yes chemo or no chemo. I do want my dad to fight or rather I want to fight for him if that were possible. The only thing I can do is be there for him and pray and have my prayer warriors pray with me as they’ve been doing so faithfully.

As far as how my dad is doing these days,   he’s doing well. He looks good, his color is good; he’s pink not pale or sallow looking. At meeting him you’d  never know he has the diagnosis he has or has been through the surgery and sickness he’s been through. My mom upgraded his flip phone (yes I know…) to an iPhone and he’s been awesome about using it. In conversation he asks about other people and isn’t solely focused on himself when we talk. I don’t cry in front of my dad, well I haven’t so far and I have no intentions to do so.

I find when I’m with him I’m fine. No tears, no breaking down or unable to speak about him. I wish I could find a way to take that peace with me when I leave him.

Ok I lied. Today I came thisclose to crying in front of my father. I managed to get out of his room and on the elevator before the tears started. It’s so hard. 

 

It looks like the new job is going to be a reality. I still can’t believe it. So I’m sending my resignation for the Manhattan job. I’m going to miss going to the city. I truly love New York. I like the ferry ride over and I never minded the subway. Except the times I had to take the 6 train on Saturdays. My gosh it would be so, so crowded. But that changed when my office moved to 5th Ave and I would take the R train to 34th st. Perfect. Never too crowded and hardly ever empty that you would feel the creeps.

I’ll miss the anonymity you have while walking the streets of Manhattan. You rarely run into someone you know; it’s as if you’re on a mini vacation from your life when you’re in the city. I’ll also miss the stellar shopping of 34th st. Oh and 14th st Union Square! Some days if I were finished super early I’d stop at the Nordstrom Rack in Union Square. I scored a gorgeous Missoni dress for 39.00 and Valentino sunglasses! I’ll  have to make it a point to return there when I have the chance.

I won’t miss taking the bus home from the ferry. Although the bus is excellent for people watching. You never know who you’ll sit next to or across from. The worst had to be when an actual fist fight broke out right there in front of me on the bus! Unbelievable. For the most part though people on the bus mind their own business and read or talk (loudly) on their phones.

My new job will be local, here where I live so there will be a minimal commute of me driving my car to and from. That will be nice, to be finished with work and be home in 15 minutes. I’ve  been “collecting” business casual clothes in anticipation of this job. That will be a change for me as well. At the Manhattan gig this summer I wore sundresses, skirts and sandals, and now that it’s cooler I’m wearing jeans (dark rinse no distressing or holes) with a button down and flats. I almost can’t wait to be business casual to wear my new clothes; like a kid in September, haha!

So it’s good bye for now  Manahattan and hello local job!