One of our dogs decided that 6:30 this morning was a great time to need to go outside. So I dragged my butt out of bed and decided to just stay up rather than try to go back to sleep. Lelly and Samantha are still asleep and Alyssa has spent the night in Manhattan. I enjoy the quiet knowing it’s just me and the animals. We have 2 dogs and 3 cats. And as of right now I’m the only one awake, haha.

Years ago, when everyone was much younger I could have never imagined life like this at all. The kids used to wake me up and there was no deciding whether or not to go back to bed; you were “up” period. I used to laugh if someone called me at like 10:00 am on a Saturday and ask, “Oh… did I wake you ?” I wished they had woke me up instead of my kids 2 hours earlier.

The evenings can be just as quiet. On a Friday night it’s usually just Tommy, Samantha and I for dinner. Being that it’s a Friday night and there’s only 3 of us I’ll order out. Nope I’m not cooking.

I recently posted a “throwback Thursday” pic of Alyssa on Facebook, she was about a year old. OMG she was so cute, but I don’t  miss those days. I used to laugh when people saw me and the kids when we were all much younger, telling me to enjoy them because they grow up so fast and that I would miss them at that age. Nope. I like them older. I can get honest opinions and great conversations. I get willing companions when going to the store or food shopping. That’s not to say we all don’t butt heads here and there. Lelly is quite vocal in letting you know how she feels for better or worse. There are times I have to pull it out of Samantha to know what’s really bothering her if she’s  not already having a meltdown. And Alyssa will demand my full attention when she is doing the taking. God forbid I should be looking at my phone when she is speaking. There are times I am multitasking and I am paying attention and can recite back to her exactly what she just said but no; I have to put down the phone. You know what; I admire that about her. She will settle for nothing less than 100% attention and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Later this afternoon Samantha will have a basketball game at church. Tommy and I are celebrating Valentines Day a bit early with dinner tonight (Yay! Day 2 I don’t have to cook). Tomorrow, Sunday the girls and I will go to church. I really enjoy going with them. Is usually Lelly, Samantha and I. I’ll bring Samantha to “Kids church” and then Lelly and I will sit together. I like to get there somewhat early to get the “middle seats” meaning not too close to the front and not in no man’s land in the back.

I really enjoy our Pastor. He’s originally from Georgia and was called to come here to NYC. I like his accent and I totally enjoy  the way he preaches. He’s his own person and cannot be compared to our old Pastor whom I adored.

So there’s my thoughts on this nice quiet Saturday morning. In  a little while the nail salon will open and I’ll be there bright and early for my manicure. (Something I couldn’t do when the kids were young…)

Sunday evening will come fast enough, the end to the weekend as we ready ourselves for yet another Monday and start to a brand new week. I hope everyone’s weekend is as quiet as you want it to be.

 

 

I called my mom last night. I haven’t spoken to her in a week. I like to speak to her more often than that but life gets in the way.  If you didn’t know my Dad is fighting stage 4 liver and colon cancer while my mom battles bladder cancer. They’re both having chemo at the same time and they’re both under the care of the same oncologist.

I noticed the last time I saw my dad I guess it was about 2 weeks ago he was weaker than I remembered and his once loud authoritative voice is reduced to a quieter hoarse interpretation. I’m worried about him. I worry about my mom too but she is  eating and exercising, you’d never know she was having chemotherapy unless you talked to her and she would tell you about  the side effects she’s experiencing which are not pleasant.

After speaking to my mom on the phone she put my dad on. The weaker voice is still there and he sounded tired. I mentioned him eating more but he said food doesn’t taste right or doesn’t taste like anything, except for the pizza he had the night before. He’s weak because he’s not eating, he’s not eating because food doesn’t taste right. Vicious cycle…He asked about my son Thomas and his much awaited move to a group home close to where we live. I was so touched that after all he’s going through he’s thinking of Thomas and my family. We talked about how slow things are going with that situation and I said that Thomas will move when God feels the time is right. My dad agreed.

I’ve written before that I’ve handed my parents’ health status and conditions over to The Lord. He is the great physician and in charge of the world. I have people in my church praying for them and I’m sure people I don’t even know about are praying for them both.

I never imagined that my tall, powerful dad could be weakened by anything. Cancer sucks plain and simple. It steals strength, hope, health and our loves. Today my dad is having a PET scan to see if the powerful chemotherapy drugs have affected the cancer. They won’t get the results for a while as their doctor is on vacation, talk about perfect timing …

My dad is a great man battling a great disease. He has his still big attitude on his side and he’s still a fighter. Praying and handing over to The Lord once again that my dad will stay bigger than this horrid disease.

Our pastor is preaching a series called, “Does God care about my job?” I’m finding myself asking that very question as I work as a chart abstractor. What I do is take the paper charts of patients and put their information into a specialized computer program. I’m surprised at how much I really like my job. Some parts are challenging and some parts are tedious, but all in all I like going to work. I’ve been fortunate to work with some amazing and wonderful people.

So I wonder does God care about my job?  I know I worship a God who does indeed work. He created the earth and all of us on it. Our Pastor said, “The call of God is specific to each person. The call of God is equal to every believer.” I wonder if the profession of nursing is my “calling”? I’ve never thought of it that way especially now since I’m not working in a hands on manner. My nursing knowledge and liscence is needed to do my job. So I guess right now my calling is to work as a nurse in this capacity.

I look around and can name people who are truly gifted and I can say with all certainty that they are working with gifts given to them by God. My husband for one. He can do repairs on equipment that is not easy to diagnose a problem on. His hands are so blessed as is his mind for working the way it does. My mom is another. She’s a nurse and I can honestly say she was born to be a nurse, it is in her blood for lack of a better description. She has all this knowledge and added to that compassion and empathy. I wish my calling is as obvious to me as the callings and gifts of others that I see so plainly. I would love some sort of stamp on my hand from God that says what I’m absolutely meant to be doing.

Pastor also asked,”Do we see what we do as a ministry from God?” That’s deep and thought provoking. I would never have thought of my job as a ministry. I mainly interact with a computer but there are times I have the pleasure of the company of co workers whether they be other abstrators or people who work on the site I’ve been assigned. So I guess my ministry has already been laid out for me.

 

It’s Saturday night and we took Thomas out for dinner. It was planned a week in advance and he was totally looking forward to it. Every time he called this past week he would remind us, as if we’d forget.

We made the 2 hour with traffic ride to his school and arrived at a local restaurant. Thomas was quite talkative asking me if I took the Christmas tree down, telling me he had a nice Christmas and ticked off  all his gifts and adding what he would be taking with him to the group home (when/if that happens this month as we were told). It was a nice conversation, one I really enjoyed.

Then out of nowhere Thomas asked me if I remember bringing him to his school. The question hung there suspended as I was immediately like lightening brought back to that day. How could I ever forget?

It was a Friday the middle of June. It was warm out but not hot. It was just Thomas and me. The two of us. I didn’t want to ask anyone else to come and Tommy was at work. We didn’t talk much and I was fine just listening to my usual Christian music radio station. We hit terrible traffic at the George Washington Bridge and arrived at the school 45 minutes later than planned. I remember filling out all this paper work amd meeting the staff. They wanted to take Thomas outside and before I could ask them to put sunscreen on him, I was told it was already applied. The time had finally come to hand over Thomas’ medications. To me that was the final straw, the last little bit of what little control I had left…his meds…I gave them to the nurse who somehow understood that was my end. I said goodbye to Thomas who was already comfortable. It wasn’t a difficult goodbye. Thomas is extremely resilient, a gift bestowed upon him by God there’s no other explanation for how adaptive he is to extreme circumstances.

I finally left the school without him. I walked to my car and wanted to throw up. I immediately called Tommy I don’t even remember what I said but I was crying; hard. I calmed down and got in the car and started the drive home again listening to the same Christian music station that brought me there.

In a flash I was in the restaurant again and answered, “Of course I remember bringing you to your school.”

Since I’ve been working full time I notice it’s been interfering with my posting to my blog, or rather my lack of a commute is interfering. I wrote many posts while riding the ferry to and from Manhattan. Work also interferes with my passion of thrifting. So I feel the need to make up for it on a Saturday. That’s fine too as I really appreciate my down time at the thrift store. It is after all my happy place. Only ar the thrift does one get totally immersed in the thrill of the hunt and take a mini vacay from well, life. It works for me. TJ Maxx will  also work in a pinch. TJ’s has that same thrill of the hunt as you have to search through the racks for something good. I adore the clearance racks and I could spend at least a good hour there if not longer.

So work is the ultimate time sucker. I’m not complaining, I’m really not. I’d rather go to work than stay at home any longer. I appreciate working full time and I like my job and the people I get to meet. The last month or so I’ve been at the medical records department abstracting charts for one of the hospital’s clinics. The people who work there are so great they included me in their Christmas party and even asked me to participate in their “Secret Santa” gift exchange. I loved every bit of it.

Now I’m at a different clinic/same hospital. The people there are nice enough but I don’t have the interaction with the staff as I did at medical records. That’s fine, if everyplace were the same it would get boring so I like the change of pace here and there. Plus I get to people watch a bit and that’s cool.

Next week my assignment is at one of the local high schools. I’m thinking they have a school based clinic and need charts abstracted. That should be interesting. My hours will be 7:30 to 3:30 so that’s cool to be home earlier.

This past Sunday our Pastor kicked off a new series, “Does God care about my job?”. I loved it and I’m looking forward to the rest of his sermons these coming weeks. On Sunday he hit on these three points:

Work is part of God’s character.

God left His work incomplete on purpose.

God created me to work.

Pastor John also said we all have a job whether it be that you’re a student, a stay at home Mom, a nurse, or a lawyer, etc… We are all to do our job the best we can and to God be the glory. I love this. I know I work hard to produce a paycheck and for the satisfaction of a job well done. Truth be told I also work hard so as to not attract unwanted attention from my supervisors. To work for the glory of God is just perfect as apart from Him I can do nothing anyway. God is such a huge part of my life I wouldn’t want it any other way.

We had a guest pastor at church this morning. He is a friend of our regular pastor and from Kentucky. I really liked him and his message which was to not let your past stop your dreams for the future and he told the story of Joseph. Joseph from the book of Genesis who’s brothers sold him into slavery… (Genesis 37)

One of the pastor’s points was that The Lord was always with Joseph and He is always with us even when we don’t feel like he id. I loved hearing that,  it was a great and timely reminder. The other point the pastor made was to not let your past destroy your dreams. We all have dreams I think even more so at the beginning of a new year when things are so new and fresh. Like a blank canvas and our dreams can be painted and and designed to our precise desires.

Like most of you I have dreams. Dreams about my family and dreams about my marriage. A more specific dream is that my son will finally move closer to home and into the group home we’ve been waiting so long for.

I remember years ago when I was in the depths of my depression I wanted in the worst way and dreamt of having a full time job. I was in no way ready to take on that kind of responsibility and weight and God knew that. He was with me even though I doubted His presence so many times.

It was only when I recovered from the depression and was able to effectively deal with the responsibilities of holding a job did I find employment. The job was very part time and perfect for me just entering the workforce after so many years of being absent. When I decided I wanted more from a job I searched and searched and only by the grace of God did I land this full time job that I have now.

I emailed over my resume and I was called for a phone interview. My future supervisor was going over my resume and whether or not this job is one that suited me and my experience. I tried to gloss over the retail gigs I had listed on my resume since this job at hand was for an RN. I said, “Yes I worked retail, I have a special needs son…I just needed to get out of the house…” The supervisor paused and said, “You know…I’m going to take a chance on you. Im also the mother of a special needs child…”  I almost dropped the phone. Never in a million years did I expect that.

So here I am working a full time job, being a mom and a wife and taking care of my house, etc…. And I’m doing it, it’s happening! Something I wanted so badly and it finally came to be!  My dream came to be a reality on God’s time; not mine.

So I wish you all a very Happy New Year and I hope your dreams come true as we pray to the Great I Am, the holder of all our dreams and timekeeper of their fulfillment.

 

 

I am ready to say farewell to 2016. During this past year my father in law passed away, my Dad was diagnosed with liver and colon cancer. My Mom was diagnosed with bladder cancer. She had to undergo two surgeries with more surgery to come. That is after she finishes chemotherapy.

I took it hard when my Dad was diagnosed but I think I took it harder when my Mom was diagnosed. My Mom has always been the strong one. The “everything  going to be alright” one. When her diagnosis hit I was assaulted with the reality of the mortality of my Mom. I was already reeling from the hit of the same concerning my Dad. My world was out of my control and I wanted the storm to stop. Thankfully I have my faith. I prayed and prayed for both my parents. I prayed for wisdom and clarity for their doctors. Finally I prayed and laid everything at the Lord’s feet. I laid out my fears to Him and I felt a peace about both my parents and their health. No matter what happens it will be according to God’s plan. They are both believers so I am not concerned with their salvation. I am still worried about them but not the frantic panic of incessant worry I felt in the beginning.

I call my mom quite often. I always have. sometimes life gets in the way but I like to touch base with her. When she was recovering from surgery and the diagnosis of her cancer was raw I’d call everyday. As long as I could talk to her everything would be fine is how I felt. I don’t call as often these days. I don’t feel that urgent need anymore. I know that God has his hand on us and we are under His care. Nothing is going to happen that isn’t under His ever present watchful eye. His ways are higher than ours.

 

 

It’s two days before Christmas and I *think* I’m done.  Done shoppping and just about done wrapping presents. This year was different in terms of when and how I did my shopping. It’s the first year of me working full time so I did more online shopping this year. That worked out great as most of the packages were free shipping so yay!

It’s a bit of a somber Christmas what with my father in law passing in October and my Dad battling liver cancer. I’ve learned to not take anyone for granted. You truly never know who will be with you one year and not the next. But God is still good and shows Himself in ways that are always unexpected.

This past school year I was terribly worried about Samantha and which junior high she would attend next year for 6th grade. By the middle of October she was enrolled in a charter school that called me for an unexpected opening they had. This school includes junior high and even high school should Samantha choose to attend. So far it’s been a great experience and I’m glad she made the move. I truly believe God’s hand was on this because the timing was unbelievably perfect. And perfect is the only timing that God knows.

I have another example of God’s perfect timing. I received a phone call from the owner of the agency who runs the group home we’ve been waiting for Thomas to move in to. He called to wish me an early Merry Christmas and tell me that Thomas will be able to move to the group home in January, 2017. My daughter who heard the phone call conversation exclaimed, “God moved!!” She had heard me say enough times that Thomas will move when God wants him to move. Needless to say I’m thrilled for Thomas and our family since this move will make it so much easier to see him and take him out for dinner or shopping or whatever we want to do with him since the group home is 10 minutes from our house.

God is so good and I’m excited to see how He’ll move in the new year.

I have a wonderful, loving husband, healthy children; a great job that I like doing *and* I’ve been working with wonderful, very welcoming people. I can’t ask for more. The only thing I miss slightly  is Manhattan. I wouldn’t give this job up to work full time in the city but it was nice to do so on a part time basis. I miss the commute believe it or not. I liked the ferry and leaving this island where I live for a few hours a day, a few days a week. There’s a certain anonymity you feel when you’re in the city. It’s almost like a mini vacay from your everyday life. I need to get back there.

Merry Christmas!  I hope it is merry and bright.

I’ve been working full time now for about 6-8 weeks. I really like it. I like having a purpose outside of being “Mom” the way I’ve been for pretty much the past 20 years give or take a few years here and there when I worked a part time job.

Our children are at a point in their lives where they don’t require my constant attention. That doesn’t mean they still don’t want my constant attention. Work itself is not particularly stressful. In fact I enjoy the work I do. I like the challenges and meeting and working with different people. Each day is interesting.

The stress isn’t from work. It’s when I get home. I’m not tired from work. I do get tired and stressed from trying to start dinner and help Samantha with her homework at the same time. It was during that certain frustrating scenario that Alyssa proclaimed,”I don’t like ‘working’ Mom”. Because I wasn’t all sweet and patient and more importantly I wasn’t paying attention to her. I will admit that Alyssa did make me laugh with her statement. And I replied, “Well I don’t like, ‘stressed out, trying to help Samantha with her homework Mom'”. We all had a laugh over that one.

You think when your children get older they won’t need you as much. I find the opposite to be true. The older my kids get they do need  attention they need but in a different way. Alyssa needs to talk to me on a daily basis and I love that. Lelly is the same. She needs to touch base with me even if it’s just a text to say hello. Lelly also loves to be hugged. At age 15, it’s really sweet.

I know I’m the same way with my own mother.  I need her attention here and there. I usually speak to my mom a few times a week most recently; everyday. I need to touch base with her and make sure she is “ok”.