My friend died. Her name is Sheryl and is probably, next to my mom one of the most caring, wonderful, walk with God woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of calling “friend”. We first met one summer about 8 years ago  when I decided to join a summer bible atudy hosted by Sheryl and her wonderful husband, Pastor Larry. I of course took quick notice of Sheryl’s striking summer purse. It was such a pretty bag I had to say something. Sheryl laughed a bit when I complimented her and we quickly learned we were quite alike in our appreciation of purses and bags, oh and shoes. Pastor Larry would often joke that Sheryl and I would be holding a purse advice session soon when we were together.

But she was more than that. Sheryl was the type of Christian I could hope to be. She was kind and completely non judge mental and  had a heart so big especially for those with special needs as well as a fellow parent of a special needs child. Before Thomas went to residential school 6 years ago I was a complete mess. Sheryl would call out of the blue and let me know she was up very early that  morning and prayed for me before she went back to sleep. How wonderful is that! And thoughtful, so very thoughtful. And incredible. Sheryl knew the true meaning of friendship and lived it out loud. She understood what it was like to be a mom of a special needs child but she was far from a know it all. She was such a great friend to have. I feel like I can’t stress that enough about her.

I will miss her so much.

I leave for work pretty early to make sure I get a “good” parking space. The neighborhood my school is in isn’t the greatest so I like to make sure I’m not walking too far to my car after I get out of work. When I work late it’s not a big deal because most of us will walk in the same general direction towards our cars so no one is really walking alone. As I write this I’m sitting here in my “really good” parking space. My mom and my nephew Jacob usually call me at 7:30 while they are waiting for Jacob’s bus to come. It’s nice to talk to them.  I really should be reading my assigned text about yet another confusing nurse theorist, but it’s too early to tax my brain.

I had to write a shortish discussion post last week and I was so frustrated that I did not get what the theorist was getting at. I seriously wanted to kick somebody. I did the best I could and wrote the best I could expecting a zero. To my surprise other students in my class complimented my “understanding” of this woman and the professor graded the post 100. I almost fell over; seriously! I now understand that theory but it took me burning out some brain cells to do so. Each week there are at least 2 theorists we have to read up on and write about. Some are straightforward and some are really out there and  I’m left thinking what the heck?!  Is she serious?  And then there are others who were so passionate about nursing and really worked to define the art and practice of my profession you really get what they’re saying and it’s cool. This class is keeping my interest but in an abstract way depending on the theorist.

 

 

 

So I’m in the full swing of going back to school, taking classes for my bachelors of science in nursing. I’m taking online classes, one at a time. With the amount of writing I have to do with each assignment for one class I don’t see me taking more than one class at a time. Maybe if I wasn’t working full time, but things are what they are. I wouldn’t trade working full time for anything anyway. The class I’m taking now is “Concepts and Theories in Nursing.” It is as exciting as it sounds haha! But seriously it is kind of interesting…to see where nursing was as a profession back in Florence Nightengale’s day and how far it’s come today and how people have intellectualized the practice of nursing and how it is separate from medicine, that it is a both a science and an art. I’ve always believed nursing is ancalling. Especially using my mother as an example. She’s such a wonderful nurse and embodies all the qualities of a “good nurse.” One you would want around when things go down. I never thought of myself as being called to nursing before I started working at my school. I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing until I landed here as a school nurse for special needs students.

But getting back to school, these papers are not easy and some of these nursing theorists are confusing believe it or not. IMO it’s like they think too much and make things complicated. Some are quite interesting and enlightening even. I feel like it’s the luck of the draw each week.

Work is great busy, I love where I am and I love what I do. Today was no exception and a bit busier than usual; shit happens and intense situations arise but it’s all good all is well and God is in this place.

 

 

 

I like to listen to a pastor named Michael Yousef on Sirius radio while I’m waiting to go to work. I really like the way he preaches his message, very clear and concise and he gets his point across. This morning he was preaching about marriage and how wives are to submit to their husbands. Every time I’ve read about this biblical description of marriage it’s always women up in arms saying they will not be “submissive.” It’s not about being submissive and being a doormat, so far from that. In this passage from Ephesians 5:23-24 explains it perfectly.

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. No where in the above verses does it say for wives to be submissive to their husbands. As a Christian I agree that wives should submit to their husbands. They are the person whom God has chosen for you to be with. I understand that not every marriage is a happy one and for that I’m deeply sorry if that is your situation. However, if you call yourself a Christian and you are a follower of Jesus, submitting to your husband as you do to the Lord is what you are supposed to do. I know in my experience once I submitted my life to God and learned of this bible passage I found it easy to submit to my husband. I’m not treated poorly or as a meek submissive wife as a result. Nor do I see myself as less than a partner in our marriage. Today in my marriage and after submitting to my husband I do see him as the head of our family. We make decisions together and no one person is seen as “better” than the other. I still color my hair different colors as I see fit and my husband still shakes his head in amusement. Nothing has changed except that he is the “head” the same way Christ is the head of the church. The Bible also states that my husband is to love me the way Christ loves His church 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her26 to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. In my opinion the husband has a greater obligation to his wife according to the Bible and marriage than the wife has to her husband. I know my husband loves me as he loves himself. He takes care of himself and he takes care of me. Nothing is perfect, we are not a perfect couple on a pedestal nor is our marriage a perfect one. But I chose to follow the Bible’s instructions on marriage and it works. God’s instructions work! Amazing but not surprising.

Recently a family I hold dear to my heart has suffered an unimaginable loss of their young daughter. Her death was a tragic unpredictable event. One that I can’t imagine living through. This tragedy also makes you wonder why? And ultimately asking God why did He allow such a tragedy to occur. There are no answers. No where in the Bible does it say we as believers will have an easy life, in fact it says just the opposite that we will have trials. It’s just that when we think of “trials” we never imagine the unimaginable. I know I think of difficult times maybe a rough patch here and there in life, maybe some “light” trouble in my marriage that’s overcome without issue and we go in our merry way with life.

Knowing that trials can be literally anything on that spectrum of tough times ranging from work issues to completely unexpected/unexplained loss of a loved one is so difficult. So difficult to accept that when we accept God’s will for the good in our lives we also must accept God’s will for trials we face, no matter how painful and unbearable that trial may be.

I’ve often wondered why God made my son the way he is. When Thomas was born I accepted this beautiful “perfect” baby boy as a gift. Truly a miracle as any child is.. Then the trials came and we realized Thomas had issues. Issues that took us 12 years to get a definitive answer for. Is my son less than perfect today? No. He’s as perfect and wonderfully made in the way God created him.

We will only know the answer to God’s trials and the pain we feel during those trials when the day comes that we are face to face with Jesus. I don’t think I will care to know the “why” at that point. I wonder if I’ll be so in awe of His presence that nothing else will matter.

I will pray for my friend who is going through such a horrific trial right now. I don’t know how she feels. But I know we serve a mighty God and he never wastes a tear.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my dad passing on. I actually found out today, the day after he passed. So today it hit me a little harder than yesterday.

I miss him. My best friend put it the best way I can describe when her dad passed. She said, “It’s that it’s permanent that’s what get me.” And she’s right but she’s also wrong. It’s permanent in *this* world.  Not in the spiritual sense. My dad is with the Lord. He’s healed, he’s whole and he is living! Praise God! Even though I know this with all my heart I still miss him and it still hurts that he’s not here with us.

I’ve been listening to Pastor John Piper (if you haven’t heard of him google him. He is phenomenal). My wonderful friend Louise passed on a message that he preached on with him saying in so many words that if you follow Christ you will never see death. Yes you will one day die but you won’t “taste” death. It is a message that I really needed to hear at that exact time. God is amazing in His timing. I’ve listened to that message from John Piper at least 3 times and it’s as great the 3rd time as it is the 1st time. Here is the link if you’d like to be enlightened:

https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/you-will-never-see-death

So getting back to my dad. I’ve been taking to my girls about my dad and when I started driving. I don’t know how we ever got on the subject. My dad was a mechanic, that’s what he did for a living. However if you’re ever heard the saying the “shoemaker’s children go barefoot…” that was us and cars and my dad. Don’t ask why but he never taught us to go and get a simple oil change on our cars. So daddy would get us these cars to drive, we would drive them to death and then he’d get us another one. Fun times I tell you ! And God forbid you felt the car was too big and you were afraid to drive it. “Just drive it!” He would exclaim at us. So funny. I still heard that when I had to drive Tommy’s pick up to work when my car was in the shop. I never drove a pick up truck before…Just Drive! I heard in my head. Good advise then and now.

He was a great Dad. Low maintenance, he didn’t like a fuss. Although if you were cutting him a piece of cake it had better be a “hunk” not some sissy little piece. Tommy and I recently bought me a new car this past December. I think daddy would have liked it. Especially that it’s smalller than what I was driving and now I feel like I’m zipping all over the place. It’s great on gas and daddy would have loved that part.

This time last year I was trying to absorb the fact that my dad had passed away, on to be it’s the Lord. My house was 80% finished from our renovation. Today I still have a hard time that daddy is gone and the house is 100% finished. Some things change and some don’t.

I found out a very dear friend of mine has cancer. I saw her at church last week and was not her usual self, she was somber. I thought of her all week. Today I asked if she was alright and she said, “No”. Before I could say anything else she told me she has cancer and has an appointment at Sloan Kettering this week. I was in shock and after about 5 minutes I was holding back tears. I wanted to give my friend a hug but many people wanted her attention. But the time I got to her I had tears in my eyes I did not want to cry in front of her.  But as gracious as always she took it in stride and just handed me a tissue.

My friend is one of the most selfless people I know. Years ago when Thomas was in the hospital 2 hours away she would take the ride with me so I would have someone to go with me. She would give up her entire day to help a friend. When we weee waiting for Thomas to get into his group home she would always ask how things were going and just be a friend. When things weren’t going well for me she would always tell me she was praying for me. That is a true friend.

I’m scared for my friend. I’m scared for her family. I will be praying for her incessantly as will the majority of my church. I will pray for wisdom for the doctors and nurses taking care of her, I will pray for strength for her, I will pray for a complete recovery so that this time in her life will one day be a memory.

I am asking for anyone who reads this to please add your prayers for my friend, God will know who you are praying for.

The 1 year anniversary of my dad dying is quickly approaching. He died on February 4. He fought an awesome fight against cancer. Daddy was diagnosed with colon and liver cancer 11 months earlier and given 3 months to live at that time. I remember crying at the drop of a hat after learning that, way back when. But daddy proved them wrong he lived for 11 months. We were given the gift of time with him; something not too many people get when cancer is the diagnosis.

I can’t help but be thrown back to a year ago. Our house renovation was almost complete. We were living less and less out of our basement and were able to spend more time in our newly renovated 1st floor which was transformed to an “open concept”. When the renovation began, January 2nd,  I remember showing dad the pictures of my house with no walls whatsoever. Down to the studs. He was so happy for us, he knew this was something that we had been thinking about doing for years. He never saw the finished project.

I miss my dad terribly. I still cry when I write about him; like now and I can’t believe it will be a year that he’s not with us. I won’t say we lost him, he’s not lost, I know where he is. He’s with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We just can’t get to him right now. It’s like he crossed over a literal mystic line and we can’t go there. Not yet. I know he’s in heaven with every other believer in our family. And they’re having a grand time. How could they not be?

It still sucks that my dad isn’t here. It still punches me in the stomach that he’s gone when I think about him. I would have loved to tell him about my co workers and students in my school. He would’ve gotten the biggest kick out of me  carrying a walkie talkie radio around when I leave the nursing office. He would have loved hearing about some of the paras and teachers especially the ones that make me laugh. Dad loved to laugh and be sarcastic and joke around and especially tell stories…he’s especially known for his propensity to tell you a story. It could be of when he was younger and drove his dad’s car when he was 15, or worked on the dump trucks for Sonny, or worked as a school bus mechanic. He had an endless supply of stories and he would make sure you laughed with him.

I really miss him.

A new year, a new start or back to an old start (like me going back to the gym…). Happy New Year! I know a few people who are more than happy to say goodbye to 2018. I have to say aside from the devastation of losing my dad, 2018 was not a horrid year. My house was renovated, something we talked about and waited years for, I gained confidence at work and I also discovered I really enjoy being around a ton more people at work and they like me too. I know I’ve written about my job before, but I can’t say enough about how much I like my school and the nurses, teachers and paras that I work with. The ones I have constant communication with are truly top notch and such very caring individuals. There’s a part of me that is eager to get back to work because I miss my co workers, go figure. I also miss the routine of work, the 5:30 AM wake up…not so much but it comes with the territory.

More of 2018: I started classes for my bachelor’s degree, something I never saw myself doing before I was hired by the board of Ed. I never thought I’d be this in love with the nursing profession. My dad would have been proud of me for going back to school. We would have had a few laughs at all he learned when my mom went back to school. We joked that with all that he learned from my mom, he should have gotten his degree as well. He was so funny. I really miss his sense of humor. I haven’t met anyone else who laughed at things or joked about events in life like he did. Definitely one of a kind.

So here’s to a new year, new goals, new times of laughter and new times of togetherness. A new season of everything. Happy New Year to all my dear family and friends!  I wish everyone the best!

Last night was Christmas Eve. We celebrate the Eve with Tommy’s family and Christmas Day with my family. It’s been this way for as long as we’ve been together so it works out well. This is the first Christmas without my dad. I miss him terribly. There were times I would be out shopping and come across something I would’ve bought for my dad and it hit me right in the stomach that he’s not with us anymore. It stinks to be perfectly honest. It’s hard to believe that last year was our last Christmas with him. Everyone I talk to who’s lost a parent says that Christmas is so hard without that person.  That made me feel better in a weird way. That I’m not alone in missing him and feeling that horrible void.

I finished last minute shopping this morning and managed to wrap everything and put the gifts under the tree. Impressive IMO. I’m also knee deep in my second bachelors nursing class. “Current Trends in Nursing” or something like that. It’s interesting, a paper every week yayyy…said no one ever.

We opened our gifts here this morning and it looks like everyone is very happy! I’m so glad. I gave my mom one of her gifts to open at her house this morning. It’s a bracelet with a hanging tag that’s engraved with “Love, Walter” in my father’s handwriting. She loves it and we both cried this morning on the phone. In a way it felt good to cry and get it out after holding it in all season. My mom was also blessed with a visit from a red cardinal. They say when that kind of bird visits you it’s a visitor from heaven coming to see you when you need it most. I couldn’t think of a better time for her to receive a visitor.

Merry Christmas!