Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side…

There was a video conference meeting today for work. It was great to see everyone’s faces and hear their voices. I’m glad we can have that type of meeting in this day and age especially during this time of quarantine. Years ago it would have been a audio conference call. As I was listening to the meeting I looked around the screen and couldn’t help but notice how much I missed everyone at school. People I counted on seeing every single work day. I’m facebook friends with a lot of staff but there are some people who’s presence you just have to be in to appreciate them. Some of the staff I’m friends with are very affectionate and will hug and kiss as a greeting and it’s so, so nice. I know it’s part cultural but they make you really feel loved and cared for.

Then there’s the staff who never fail to help you out in a jam. Like Joe, who does a ton of IT work. He’s awesome and will always make time to help you out when your computer isn’t doing what it is supposed to do. There are so many staff members I truly adore that I can’t mention them all for fear I would leave someone out and offend someone.

My school has the best para processionals. I really mean that. One of the classrooms that I’m in and out of every day has quite a few medically fragile students in attendance. It’s pretty much “my” class and they are “my” students. Their teacher is great. She cares for these students with all her heart and it shows. The paras in that class know their students so well and they know when to call me and they trust me and I trust them. It’s probably my favorite class because we are all so comfortable with each other.

Then there are the students I care for who are scattered and in different classes. Because I care for one student in that particular class I get to know the teachers and paras in those classes too. It’s nice. One student/para 1:1 assignment I adore are ones I’ve taken care of since I began working at Hungerford. The mom and I have a pretty nice relationship and her son is simply amazing. He is challenging to his para a lot of days, and I know she really cares about him by the attention and care she gives him.

I think that is the beauty of District 75, where I am assigned. The students require so much care whether it be physical, emotional or nursing the staff can’t help but be invested in that student. District 75 is not for everyone nor for the faint of heart. I’ve seen Hungerford staff rise to many challenges with their students and meet those challenges head on with the student’s best interest at heart.

My gosh I really miss everyone. We didn’t have a typical goodbye back in March when the quarantine began. Everyone was nervous, apprehensive, and unsure of what was going to happen next. Our goodbyes to each other were not the typical goodbyes we give to one another, hugs and “see you after the break!” Looking forward to a school break yet knowing you were returning in a week or so to pick up just where you left off with the same staff and same students.

As of today we don’t even know for certain that schools will be open in September. Or what kind of school schedule the District is planning. I for one want to return to work, hell I want things to simply and magically return to “normal.” Poof! There we go.

The other day, late afternoon I took out my Harley to just go around the corner. I did terrible. I stalled out, gave too much throttle, dropped the bike. Tommy was worried. He was afraid I would get hurt eventually. Since I had the Harley I’ve been riding in parking lots, shifting gears, breaking and I was very comfortable with that. I didn’t feel comfortable/ready to ride that bike even around the neighborhood. I got tired of the parking lot and figured around the corner was safe. Not so much.

So yesterday Tommy and I went online and searched for a smaller motorcycle for me. Something more beginnerish than the Harley. I followed Tommy’s lead. We went to the Honda dealer here where we live and the salesman immediately recommended the Rebel. I sat on it and talk about comfort! I felt like the bike was made for me. So we went home and searched online for used Honda Rebels. I found one at Asbury Park, down the NJ shore at a dealership for an awesome price. I called and the bike was available. So off we went along with Samantha who is dying to learn how to ride.

The salesman was nice enough, not too pushy. But the bike sold itself. The paint is immaculate, no scratches or dings and hardly any miles on it. The price was more than fair. I wanted to buy her and Tommy agreed. So my awesome husband bought me the bike!!

The bike is beautiful, a 2015 with 2600+ miles on it. And red! I never saw myself on a red motorcycle. So after we got it home (strapped in the back of Tommy’s truck), I played a bit in the driveway and was so comfortable I immediately started by going around the corner. The difference for me between the Honda and the Harley was night and day. I was so incredibly comfortable! I stopped home, talked to Tommy and took off again, this time going further around the neighborhood. Came home, went out again a little more into the neighborhood. Truth be told I did stall a couple of times but they weren’t “oh shit” moments. More like ok…move on, fix that. I then rode further than before and I was good after that and came home. Now we just have to sell the Harley. If anyone’s interested let me know!

I finished my first semester, 12 credits with the online college I’m attending to earn my Bachelor’s of Science degree in nursing. About 2 years ago I started with a different college but it seemed like all I was doing was writing a paper every week. So I took a break and re-evaluated. I saw an ad for the college I’m attending now and asked for more information. Of course they called me back instantly and I began the application process. It took about a month or so and I was in. They accepted a lot of my credits from years ago when I was attending college for my associate’s in nursing so that was great. I was also assigned a mentor who I really like. Nancy is a nurse also, with her Masters degree. When she first contacted me she asked if it was alright that she set up my classes per semester, like what to take and when. I was more than fine with that. This college requires that you take 12 credits per semester. At first I was intimidated by that. But this semester I finished with over 2 weeks to spare. So I’m off from my schooling until July 1st when my next semester begins.

I never thought I would say this but I don’t dislike school. It’s not my absolute favorite thing in the world but it’s not terrible. And I feel as though I am learning, the worst is when you feel as though you’re just wasting time or glued to the computer because you have a weekly paper or project to hand in. That was what my nursing theory class was like at the first college I attended. Weekly papers on each of the well known nursing theorists. Boring. This past semester I attended a live class via webinar and interacted with different nurses from all over the country. It was cool. And I learned more advanced nursing assessment skills and my assignment was to perform a video recorded head to toe assessment/exam on a volunteer (thank you Alyssa).

I am looking forward to the next semester but don’t get me wrong I’m happy to have this time off. I’m really glad I chose this college. My mentor is wonderful and always looking to help if you need it. I don’t feel like just another number in an anonymous online class. 12 credits down! Yay!

So yesterday morning I finally decided to clear out my shoe closet. Our house was built in 1935 so closet space is a big deal to us. When we renovated we managed to half our front room/sun porch and create this great, at least 6 foot long closet with sliding doors. Finally we could all hang up our coats at the same time and we said good bye to coat trees and lengths of hooks. Winter was especially challenging before the new closet; winter coats are so big and can be bulky.

So getting back to my shoes. I am a self admitted shoe whore. Have been since I was a teenager. Shoes are awesome (as are bags but that’s another blog post). When I moved out nor my moms house to Tommy’s apartment I left boxes and boxes of shoes. I could only take so much at a time. So my father loaded up his van and put all my shoes in it and personally drove them over to my new home. My new neighbors thought my dad was some guy selling shoes out of his van. He laughed and laughed, Tommy wasn’t laughing as much as my dad. So my shoe collection was relegated to the basement, where most of them sat and gathered dust since I was then working as a nurse and my most worn shoes were sneakers or nursing shoes/clogs. Then I had Thomas and my foot grew (yes ladies that happens and NO ONE tells you about that…) so my shoes that my dad ever so comically hand delivered no longer fit.

Even when I was a stay at home mom, I still bought shoes. I loved a good high platform sandal. I could run after my kids in platforms! Ahh those were the days lol! When I worked at the allergist’s office the receptionist happened to be another shoe whore so we got along swimmingly! Plus at that job I wasn’t walking a lot I pretty much stayed in my office the patients came to me. The dress code was whatever you wanted to wear (no scrubs) so I was free to express myself via my shoes. And the patients would notice my shoes and give me compliments, it was funny.

My days of high heels are over but I still love a beautiful platform sandal. For my 50th birthday my girls bought me this awesome pair of Chloe high platform sandals. I adore those shoes they are gorgeous. My girls really know their mom!

My first girl has graduated college. It’s amazing and I am so proud of her. It’s no secret that Thomas, our first born is special needs. Alyssa our second child and first girl is 2 years and a week younger than Thomas. I already knew there was something going on with Thomas at that age but the “experts” did not. And then along came my girl. She was so, so typical, she met every milestone as if she had read a child growth and development manual. It was wonderful after going through so much with Thomas. I didn’t love Alyssa more for being a typical child I loved her for being her as much as I loved Thomas for being him.

When I was pregnant with Alyssa I never thought I would have a girl. My husband came from a big crowd of boys. Tommy has 2 brothers, 3 boy cousins, his father was the youngest of all boys. There wad only one girl cousin at that time. We didn’t find out the sex of Alyssa, we wanted to be surprised and I seriously couldn’t have been more surprised when the midwife announced, “Its a GIRL!” We didn’t even have a girl name picked out. Alyssa was nameless for 2 days until Tommy and I could come to a name. I always liked the name Alyssa and Tommy agreed. So there she was: Alyssa Menay. Nameless no more.

She was beautiful then and she’s beautiful now. She’s patient and a great listener. And the best part; she talks to me. Alyssa doesn’t just talk to me because she has to because we live in the same house. She tells me what she’s doing that day, the next week and her plans for the future. I’m honored to have that type of relationship with not only my first girl but with all my girls.

Tommy and I always wondered if people looking in from the outside thought we had screws loose that we kept having kids after Thomas. I know how hard and wonderful it is to raise a special needs child and I know how hard and wonderful it is to raise typical children. There really is no comparison between the two. It’s apples and oranges with other obscure fruits thrown in for good measure.

So this weekend we celebrate my girl and all her hard work I’m exited for her future.

I’m taking this communications class and I have to write a paper of course, actually it’s more of a presentation. Part one is the written part and Part two I need to video myself giving said presentation. Part one is all well and good except for me citing my references. I’m ready to scream to be honest. I’ve quoted, I’ve cited, I’ve listed my references…still wrong. I’ve tried a couple of websites; I’ve copied and pasted their version of how my references are to be written…there’s still something wrong. Ever get the feeling you’re beating your head against a dead end wall?

The style of paper is APA. Common enough and definitely frustrating enough. Ok so I took a brake and found yet another website citation generator, I have to pay to get the good stuff but it seems worth it. I understand the purpose of citing references and that plagiarism is very serious. But why all the different styles?? There should be one way to do references and that’s it! My words and vent for the day.

A few weeks ago Tommy and I cleared out these closets in our basement. It was mostly papers, bank statements, Thomas’ old evaluations and IEP’s. Some tax returns from1994! Omg, back when we were first married and I paid the bills I didn’t know what to save, what to throw out so I kept everything… It was great to do the clean out and shred papers we have no use for anymore. Thomas’ old papers were the most satisfying to say good bye to, since those years were so tough to get through.

Yesterday I was down the basement and noticed a piece of furniture that was my inlaw’s. It’s a dry sink that my husband’s grandmother bought for my mother in law oh so many years ago. I’m staring at this piece and I had a great idea. Put it in the front of my living room where I currently have a small table holding all my indoor plants! I measured the space and the dry sink and all was a go. Tommy and I moved it yesterday and it looks perfect there.

There was a catch though, there was “stuff” in the cabinet part of the dry sink…more cleaning out. But it wasn’t too bad thank God. I did find some really cute artwork from when Alyssa was in 2nd grade. I’m so glad I kept certain things during my “keeping everything” period of time. When we cleared out the basement closets we found a lot of pictures. Tommy and I when we were on our honeymoon, the kids when they were so young. These pics were from back in the day when you had film developed and God forbid you didn’t order double copies because someone always wanted a couple of your pictures. Just when you think you’re finished clearing out and rearranging something else comes up.

This past summer I spent a lot of time taking lessons to learn to ride a motorcycle. I took private lessons as well as a 2 day class where at the end of the 2 days you take a road test. If you pass the road test the teaching company gives you a waiver to present to the DMV and you receive your motorcycle license; an “M” on your drivers license that stands for motorcycle. I was so, so excited to pass the road test and get my motorcycle license. It was a long road for me to get there. I had a favorite instructor named Rick who was just awesome, very patient and he wouldn’t let me get frustrated with myself. He had a style of teaching that just got through to me. I was so happy when I found out Rick would be teaching me when the road test came about.

It’s not as easy to ride as I originally thought it would be. I figured I’d just learn real quick, take the road test and be on my merry way. Not so fast…for me anyway. I’m glad I did it though. I don’t have a bucket list per se, but getting my motorcycle license was a definite must do/bucket list check off for me.

My next challenge is completing my bachelor’s degree in nursing. I’ve written that years ago I pretty much sworn off being a nurse. I started my career in a hospital, hated it and honestly thought there wasn’t much else to do work wise. I had Thomas and the girls and life just went the way it did. At one point I worked for as an office nurse for a physician who was a pediatric pulmonologist/allergist. My primary function was to give allergy shots, perform allergy skin testing and perform pulmonary function testing. It was a nice enough job but I was terribly underpaid (office nurses most times make horrible money) and I knew it wasn’t something I wanted to do for more than the 3 years I was there.

When I was hired by the Dept of Ed and began working at my school I truly discovered my calling in nursing. I love my job. I enjoy the students I’m entrusted to provide care for and I enjoy my co workers. Hungerford has the best teachers, paras and therapists ever! I could go on and on but I won’t…but seriously the staff I work with are trustworthy and will always let me know if a student isn’t acting like themselves and/or will recognize and time a seizure so quickly which only enhances me doing my job.

So me loving my job only makes me want to further my knowledge of nursing hence being enrolled in a bachelors program. My end goal is to complete my masters degree. After that I have no idea. The more education you have the more doors open up and more opportunities arise. I have no desire to leave my school or to leave school nursing. When I’m asked what degree I’m studying for the first thing the person who asked assumes is that I’m looking to leave my job. Not so, not at all. I want to be able to be better at my job. To learn advanced skills and assessments and continue to serve my students. I’m off to work at my last class of the semester. It’s a communications class and should be interesting.

It’s the middle of May and we’re still in quarantine. I’m not entirely sure what the plan is for us in the NYC area as I don’t watch the news all that often. My mom, my girls and Tommy usually keep me updated on current events and the governor’s and mayor’s latest stance. I also, as embarrassing as this sounds get a lot of news information from Facebook and social media when friends post news articles and/or links to broadcasts. It works for me.

This past Sunday was Mother’s Day and my family was awesome! I didn’t cook. We had my mom and family over, we ate outside; the weather was gorgeous and we were able to maintain social distance. It was a great Mother’s Day. My kids gave me the sweetest, most heartfelt cards. I feel very fortunate and blessed. Later in the day we called Thomas so we could come over and see him. Of course we brought Wendy’s cheeseburgers and he was happy.

I’m at the very end of my health assessment class towards my bachelor’s degree. I have to perform a head to toe assessment on an adult age 18 and over on video and submit it to my professor. I completed one video and was told to do over certain parts. I was so bummed man. Thankfully my “patient,” Alyssa is very patient and doesn’t mind doing it again. My mistakes weren’t horrendous thank God. I spoke to the instructor and she clarified things so I feel I’m on the right track. After the Assessment class I am taking a Communications class. I’m looking forward to something different. When all is said and done at the end of this semester; June 30, I’ll have completed 12 credits. I hope beyond hope to be completed with the bachelor’s next year. I plan on continuing for my Master’s.

I used to think a Master’s degree was out of my reach academically. But the more I thought about not the more I realized I was talking myself out of it. I don’t know what I plan on doing once I have the Master’s. It seems so far in the future. I really enjoy my job as a school nurse for special education and medically fragile students. I can’t wait to get back to school. I call my parents on the phone to check up on them and the student, it’s great to talk to them and for the most part everyone is doing well thank God. I miss work, I miss the kids I take care of and I miss the staff like crazy!

Hopefully the quarantine will be over soon.

This weekend we will celebrate Mother’s Day. In the midst of this quarantine and time of social distancing. It will be different than celebrations and get togethers of past, but it’s still Mother’s Day.

I’m fortunate that I have my mother in my life. We are close, we’ve always been close and I’m thankful for that. We haven’t always seen eye to eye and nothing is perfect but we always seem to overcome our differences and maintain our close relationship. I’m very thankful for my mom.

Most everyone knows I have 4 children. Thomas our oldest who is special needs and three younger girls; Alyssa, Lelly, (Daniella) and Samantha. I like my kids; I mean I love them of course but I also like them. I enjoy spending time with them. Recently my girls have been asking me if I was unhappy or “miserable” when they were all younger and life was more chaotic and did I complain about them?

I answered that yes when everyone was younger life was a bit crazy. We had no idea what was going on with Thomas. I was trying to raise him; a boy with special needs without much needed help from the “professionals” we were consulting with, while trying my best to raise neuro-typical girls in the same environment. Life was not easy. I remember being very frustrated as Thomas’ mother and as the girls’ mother being very grateful that that were typical girls.

I don’t remember complaining about my kids when they were younger or maybe I don’t want to think I did? Was it fun back then? Sometimes, it was not a terrible time of my life. Did I yell a lot? Absolutely, yes I was a yeller and so were many of my friends and neighbors much to my relief at the time. Was I miserable as my kids ask me now? No, I don’t think I was miserable.

Thanks to a very recent conversation with my best friend who was my sounding board when our kids were young; Jenn doesn’t remember me complaining about my children when they were younger. She does remember me being very overwhelmed with Thomas and his issues. Jenn also said something interesting, ” Menay, they won’t understand you until *they* have kids…it wasn’t until I had my girls did I truly understand my own mother.” Jenn is right. Motherhood isn’t something you can describe to someone without sounding dramatic, or overzealous, or even miserable. Like most life experiences you have to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes to really get what they are going through. I know what it’s like to be a mom to a special needs child and I know what it’s like to raise typical children. Both experience are no walk in the park and one is not easier than the other. They’re different.

If given the chance would I change anything from my mothering of the past? I think I would have liked to have had more patience and time to smell the proverbial roses with Alyssa and Lelly. I look at old pictures, snapshots caught in time where I felt my mind was all over the place. And I wish I had had the presence to grab onto those moments a little harder. But I suppose most mothers could say the same thing.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my friends and family!!