I wish I knew beforehand how much I would worry about my children. I understand now that one never stops worrying about their child even when they are adults as per many conversations with my mother and my in laws.

When they are babies and young children you worry more about yourself as a parent. Am I doing the right thing? Am I making the right decision? Is this the best school for him/her? The list goes on. Samantha has made me worry more than the girls out together. Oh crap she’s being bullied at school, oh crap her reaction to that situation could have really been better. I’ve had more conversations with that child of how I didn’t raise her to act in xyz manner.

I’ve noticed I worry about my high schooler, Lelly. Is she happy? Is she making the right choice of program at school? Have I given her the best advice? OMG she was chosen to be an exchange student for the next school year…am I happy ? Yes; am I worried? Of course I am. She’ll be in Europe, hardly a hop, skip and jump away. I can quiet that worry with the fact that this won’t happen for a matter of months. So there is time…It helps tremendously that Lelly talks to me. She’ll tell me what’s going on in her school life and areas that aren’t apparent and in my face.

Alyssa, my college student; I don’t think I worry too much about her. More like concerned and interested in her life. Thank God she is very open with me about her life and various situations ranging from college classes, transferring colleges, friends, her job, her GPA, etc…Alyssa likes to talk and I enjoy listening.

Thomas, oh my Thomas. The child that has caused me to question my parenting  on a daily basis when he was younger. It didn’t help that I had an extremely unsupportive pediatrician. There were too many times I was blown off with my many concerns. It was crazy I know now looking back. And it wasn’t me with the problem, it was her. She was ill equipped to provide care to a kid as complex as Thomas and failed to realize and admit it. I’m glad I had the courage to rebuke her and sought help on my own for him. There was a lot of prayer going on at that time. Prayer for direction and the Lord never failed me.

Like my parents and their parents before them I know now I’ll never stop worrying about my children no matter how old they get. I suppose my way will most likely be better than their way but I have to understand that it is their life. At this stage I watch in silent observation as my oldest daughter makes life decisions. What classes she’s taking in college, what kind of job(s) she’s doing to make extra money.  I watch how she handles herself and I’m proud of her. I also have the option of voicing my opinion. An option I decline at this time.

Nothing anyone can tell you or any book you read can properly prepare you for what it is like to be a parent. You can read books about parenting techniques and apply those techniques as you see fit but I don’t think those books can help with the worrying aspect. A very wise woman once told me, “You’re only as happy as your most miserable child”.  How true.

 

I had to to go to the unemployment office yesterday to attend a mandatory session before they will pay me benefits. It was pretty boring and a bit informational.  I noticed the population was very diverse just about every stage of working life represented. The whole thing took about 90 minutes. I was surprised to learn all the offerings of the labor office. Like help with your resume, use of their computers and fax machines, and job postings. There was even healthcare organization represented with hopes of filling vacancies they had. I was pretty impressed.

My son graduates from his school at the end of this month. Thomas turns 21 this July and the board of education was/is responsible for educating him until the age of 21. I can’t believe it. What’s funny is that I remember just about every little thing of Thomas’ life. Every eval, every school, every teacher. Who was helpful who was not. Who Thomas liked who he did not. Every IEP meeting I attended calm and not so calm and who supported me and who did not.  Who came all the way from Long Island to be with me (Diane…) for an IEP meeting. I don’t know if I remember everything about then Girls the way I do Thomas. I’m sure it’s because he was my first and we had a not so typical path almost from the get go. When I think back it’s all just so crystal clear. Everything. The good and the not so good. The happy and the not so happy. I can list the meds he trailed and failed and what worked for him the best. I can tell you Thomas was always great about getting his blood drawn, even as a very young child. He is and will always be an amazing guy; my Thomas.

I don’t know if I’m ready for this next chapter in my son’s life. True adulthood. Thomas will eventually be living in a group home. We are still waiting on the state to approve the one that is here where we live. I never thought this would take as long as it has. When he does live at the group home Thomas will attend a day program which hopefully will be some sort of vocational program. I can’t tell you how much we are looking forward to him moving to the group home. To have our son be so close to us geographically will be such a blessing. We can’t wait to have him over for dinner or go to the mall during the week one evening knowing he’s living 10 minutes away from us. Things so simple won’t have to be exclusively planned out.

So there are my musings for a Thursday morning. I hope everyone’s day goes as smooth as possible.

It’s been a change for me to be laid off from the job I held. I went from working full time; 40 hours a week to; nothing. And not only the work do I miss it’s the interaction I’ve had with co workers and people that work at the various sites I’ve been assigned to. I’ve been very fortunate that I hadn’t met any snobby or unfriendly people at my assignments.

So I’m home. It’s odd because I’ve shifted effortlessly back into the routine I had when I was exclusively a stay at home mom/or when I was working extreme part time 7 hrs a week piercing ears. I run errands, straighten up the house. I feel like I’m forever cleaning up after the animals that live here compared to cleaning up after my kids. The animals are worse at this stage of the game. I’ve also gone back to my routine of thrifting during the week now that I have the time during the day. I’ve written about my love of the thrift store; my happy place, it still is.

Im debating going back to work abstracting charts when/if the assignments start again. I don’t see why I shouldn’t. I don’t have to do it full time and the money is nice. I’m still waiting for unemployment to kick in but from what I understand it could take a few weeks. I have to report to the unemployment office on Wednesday in the downtown area where I live. Parking is a nightmare so I’ll take the bus. I tried to get out of going by calling and telling them I have a job that starts in September but the woman quickly answered, “No, that’s too far away you HAVE to I come. Fine it’s only for an hour or two in the morning.

Being home means I see more of the girls. That’s nice too. I’m not rushed to make sure dinner is ready and sometimes they can come to the gym with me. Oh the gym! How could I forget. I’ve been making  the most of my time there, going about 4 times a week because I can. I wish I had listened to my husband and joined a gym sooner. I really enjoy going especially if Lelly or Alyssa come with me.

So fingers crossed either unemployment starts paying or I’m assigned to work again I’ll take either.

 

I had an interview yesterday for the position of school nurse for the special needs school district of the city. I’d never been to the area I had to get to for the interview. I took the ferry over to Manhattan and then 2 subways to where the interview was to be held. I arrived nervous but unscathed.

I was escorted to the floor and met with another woman who made sure I was seated comfortably and I was then given a folder with a nursing exam that included an essay…My essay was short, sweet and to the point. It was supposed to be 150-200 words. I started getting worried I didn’t have enough words.  I began counting words to make sure the essay was long enough. I then opened the exam portion and was totally blown away by some of the questions. There was math such as medical dosage calculation and also how many ml/hr should a tube feeding be if the total amount given was in ounces. Things I haven’t thought about or done in years!  I finished the test convinced that I failed.

I handed over my essay and exam and proceeded to wait; and wait; and wait. I killed time posting to friends on Facebook and texting my mother and husband. After a long while I was called into another room for the interview. First we reviewed the exam, I scored an 81 which made me very happy that I passed!

For the actual interview I was facing 3 nursing supervisors, one had a very stoic demeanor that I tried so very hard to crack and here and there she did smile. I was asked various questions and given multiple situations and how did I handle them?  What was the outcome? I had to dig deep to answer some of their questions. And I was graded on my answers to the interview questions, if I didn’t answer the question exactly how it was worded I wouldn’t gain points in my interview. At one point I managed to peek at one of the interview’s paper and I saw a lot of “8”s. I took that as a good sign.

After the interview I was told to go wait where I was before. Thankfully I had a great view of Manhattan to take my mind off what just happened. Before I knew it one of the interviewers called me over down the hall and introduced me to the supervisor of all the nurses in this school district. She was pleased to offer me the job!  I got the job!!  I couldn’t stop smiling and thanking her. She described the benefits I would receive working for the city and to expect a phone call from another individual who would request more information from me and give me instructions on fingerprinting and such necessities.

I couldn’t stop smiling. I practically skipped back to the subway station. I detoured off my route to the ferry to Century 21 for retail therapy. After browsing there a while I had not found one thing I wanted to buy. Amazing I tell you.

When the interview was set in place, I began to pray. I prayed to God if this is the road I was to take then I will follow Him. I submitted my life to The Lord and prayed that He would find my way for me concerning a job that He sees fit. God is so good!

I love spending time with my girls. I love the ages they are at and I’m so proud of the young women Alyssa and Lelly have/are grown in to. Samantha is coming around slowly but surely taking up the rear at almost 11 years old.

Alyssa and I went food shopping together and I totally enjoyed being with her. She is smart and funny and so easy to talk to. I sometimes forget she’s so young when we are having conversations. She’s a positive person hardly negative at all and her positivity rubs off on you. I find myself seeing things her way at times and it’s a refreshing take on life.

Daniella and I have a sweet connection. She talks to me and I’m honored that she trusts me so much. It’s not every Mom that has a 16 year old daughter who tells you exactly how she feels, where she’s going and what’s going on in her life. She’s also a very encouraging person. I was taking about a job interview I have tomorrow and she said she has every reason to believe I will do well. Love her.

We used to call Lelly the “feel good baby” because she was always smiling and such a happy baby. She was my smallest baby as well so we called her “bird” back in the day.

Samantha. Oh Samantha…she’s completely  different from Alyssa and Daniella in that she’s not at all a girly girl. She loves video games and watching You Tube videos. She also has a difficult time controlling her reaction to anger provoking situations and frustration as well. She isn’t into clothes all that much but in the same breath she’s incredibly picky about what clothes I buy her. Definitely an enigma. But…after all is said and done Samantha is very easy to be with. And not a high maintenance person.  She is fun to laugh with and fiercely independent. She’s one of my kids that couldn’t wait to get to walk to the corner store by herself. I do believe she was younger than Daniella in meeting that oh so important milestone in our neighborhood.

These girls. They are Christ followers and have each been baptized in their own time independent of me wanting them to be. If you had told me 10 years ago that my girls would love the Lord the they do I would have fallen over in disbelief. Back then we had no regard for the Gospel and no church to call home. Today I’m so proud of the way my girls serve the Lord and they aren’t afraid to stand up for and spread the Gospel. I thank God they are so involved with our church and have been fortunate to have had  the influence of Godly young women who have mentored them through the years.

These girls. I’m lucky to have them.

 

I’ve written that I am in between work assignments with the company I currently work for. Well I’m so in between that I’ve been laid off for lack of a better term. It was even suggested that I apply for unemployment while I’m waiting; which I did. I have not been given a return to work date so I’ve decided to apply to other RN jobs for the heck of it.

I have two interviews this week! I was stunned because I didn’t think my resume was all that great and I felt that that I put it together in a haphazard fashion. Well I must have done something right.

I did pray about the being laid off situation. I prayed that I know God has a job for me whether I return to chart abstracting or it may be something else. And it will be the right job because He has already set it up and I must be patient because God’s timing isn’t the same as our timing. I trust in the Lord.

I received the first phone call reviewing my resume and setting up the interview one day after they received my resume via a popular online job board. I was so surprised. We set up the interview and I excitedly called my husband and then my mother.

The second interview was scheduled via email two days after I sent them my resume via the same online job board as the first. I sent a confirmation email in return saying that I will be there at the prearranged time.

I seriously can’t believe it. I’m excited and nervous of course. I know The Lord is with me and He will never fail me. I will be praying for His guidance and wisdom for the interviews. And I know He will hear me. I have complete faith in God.

If I’m not offered either position that will be ok too. It only means it wasn’t meant to be and God has something else in store for me. He has a plan. I only need to trust in Him and have faith.

It’s been a week since we joined a gym. It’s a first for me, not for my husband or Alyssa and Lelly. I refused to join or go when I gained all this weight. I felt so insecure and intimidated. Like I would be the only “imperfect” person there. Well I couldn’t have been more wrong. I was almost giddy to see people if all shapes and sizes at the gym.

The first day we joined Tommy and I went that evening. I didn’t know what I was doing but Tommy did so I followed him and he was great; nice and patient. The next morning Alyssa came with me and that was fun, we traded off doing sets on the various equipment/ machines. She was just a lot of fun to be around and most important she showed me how to download Netflix on my phone so I could stream tv shows to watch while on the treadmill or exercise bike. It really makes the time pass quickly.

Even Lelly came with me one evening but she flat left me to take a cycling class. She had a good time and even joined the gym herself. I find I’m very centered when I’m at the gym, and I enjoy it immensely. I find everyone else there is very focused on what they are doing and not paying a lot of attention to other people. I like that. I was supposed to meet with a trainer so she could do a fitness assessment but they double booked her and by the time she got around to me I was at the end of my workout and looked at her like you’ve got to be kidding. We rescheduled for next week. I’m eager to see what she’ll have me do and how she does said assessment.

I even find myself praying at the gym. It’s easy to find that focus and pray for whoever and whatever comes to mind. I know God hears me, He always does. I probably should pray before working out and ask Him for additional stamina or something like that but it doesn’t come to mind. I just want to get there and get started. God is everywhere even at the gym.

I’m in between work assignments and currently not working. So that means I’m going back to the  “box to color my hair. Going to the salon and having it done for me was nice while it lasted. I’m relieved in a weird way, now I can go and do different shades of blonde like I’ve done in the past and not have to settle on just a touch up. So there I am in ShopRite in the beauty section on the phone with my Mom asking advice on blonde hair dye. Interesting…we settled on a light blonde color by Féria/L’Oréal. I don’t know when I’ll do the actual coloring. My roots aren’t noticable yet although if you ask my daughters they will say “roots are in”. I’m lucky to have such fashion forward advisors at my disposal.

I’m also growing my hair out long, well as long as it will grow. I’ve tired of the short hair phase I went through this past year and half. To be honest I never felt pretty when my hair was short. Don’t ask why I kept cutting, I guess because it was easy and not much upkeep. Anyway now that my hair is a bit longer I feel more attractive. Actually going to the gym makes me feel more attractive. Not that you can tell I even go, there’s no visible muscles…yet. I can’t wait for the days to come where I’ll see a difference in the “before” and “after” me.

Im trying to make the best out of being home these days. It’s easier to get dinner ready and I’m caught up with laundry so that’s a plus. I miss working though and I pretty much can’t wait for the new assignment to come through. Until then my family gets homemade meatballs and  marinara sauce. I get to listen to the dang dog bark all day…

I had the honor and privilege to have spent Mother’s Day with not only my mother but also my mother in law. Both women had a hand in shaping me to be the woman I’ve become and I am so thankful they are both here with us.

My mom had quite the health scare these past 7 months. She was diagnosed with bladder cancer, underwent chemotherapy; then had extensive surgery to have her bladder removed. She was hospitalized about 5 days after her surgery then spent a couple of days in rehab to regain her strength before finally going home. While in rehab my mom received the news that the cancer had not spread past her bladder, there was no metastasis!  Wonderful news! When my mom did arrive home she was met with 6 weeks of meals from the church they belong to. Not only that, the ladies from church also sent a cleaning crew to clean the house!  Incredible. I love watching the church be the hands and feet of God.

Yesterday I felt so thankful and happy to be so appreciated. My girls showered me with chocolate covered fruit and strawberries not to mention the very touching heartfelt card. Alyssa posted an awesome picture of me on Facebook with a sincere touching sentiment attached. That picture was taken when her and I were visiting a college for her. This is how selfless she is. That day was about her and there she is taking a picture of me.

I’m unbelievably gifted to have my girls and Thomas and Tommy as my family. I’m thankful that God chose us to go through our lives together. I’m so thankful God gifted me with the time to spend with my parents.  I also feel that my mother in law is a blessing to me as well. I’ve known her since I was 16 years after old. To say she hasn’t had an influence in my life would be a lie. My mother in law is a very strong woman with a definite mind of her own. She taught me a lot over the years, most importantly she influenced the way I cook. There were even a couple of occasions where my meatballs tasted as good as hers; the ultimate compliment!

I can’t thank my husband enough for such an amazing Mother’s Day, to feel like a queen and be given gifts such as time spent with family together is priceless.

 

 

 

The other day Tommy and I went for a visit/tour of an LA Fitness center that recently opened not far from our house. The gym was beautiful, so new, so clean, so sparkly!  We really liked it and felt the monthly cost was worth the money so we signed up. We went home to eat dinner and Tommy asked me if I wanted to go to the gym after we ate. I was like o…..k…..  I was nervous I haven’t set foot in a gym in a hundred years. Plus I had no “gym clothes”, no not even sweats I don’t wear them. I’m not a sneaker person so there was that to contend with as well.

After dinner I had some time so I ran to TJ  Maxx and found every thing I needed. (I love TJ Maxx 😊).  I returned home, changed quickly and we were on our way.  Thank God I had Tommy with me I didn’t know what to do with any machines besides the stationary bikes and the treadmills. We did some warm up cardio first then we checked out the machines and my feelings of insecurity quickly faded away. We did abs, triceps, some leg work outs and free weights. We ended with cardio on the stationary bikes. I loved it!

Yesterday morning Alyssa and I went right after I dropped Lelly at her ride to school’s house. We arrived about 8 ish and again did cardio for warm up. Then we set our sights on the “machines”. We quickly figured out the ones we wanted to use and traded off doing sets. It was cool to work out with her, my Yaya. We finished up with cardio on the treadmill.

Now my body is sore. My abs are telling me not to work them out for a couple of days and I shall listen. It’s not a bad, “Oh my gosh I can’t move!” sore its more like my muscles reminding me that I put them to use in a way they haven’t been used in a while. And that’s cool.

Now Lelly wants to come. That will be a lot of fun. Part of our membership is getting people guest passes. Alyssa has one, next; Lelly. I don’t know what my gym goals are. Mainly to do “something” with this body carrying extra pounds that I loathe.

I’m glad Tommy and I joined and we can work out together. He’s very patient and sweet. Like he would be any other way with me? I look forward to my abs not being sore anymore so I can work them out again and hopefully whip them into shape 😜.  Here’s to the gym !!