Menay O; mom to 4, Christian and thrift shopper on the side…

Easter is fast approaching, the big holiday for Christians. The day we celebrate Jesus being risen from the dead, he defeated the grave. Today at church we had a guest speaker. Pastor Phil Kelley  is a former NFL chaplain and an excellent speaker. He preached about the apostle Peter and how he denied Jesus 3 times just as Jesus told him he would. He denied knowing anything about Jesus when questioned. Which got me thinking do we do the same? If we are followers of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ why are we not talking about him to everyone? Do we deny Him if we are not speaking of Him?

I wish I could say I wouldn’t be like Peter if I were in his shoes. That I wouldn’t deny Christ if I thought my life were on the line. Peter was afraid to admit he knew Jesus even though he loved him so very much. In the early days of the church Christians were persecuted to their death. Today we also face persecution, thankfully in my experience I’ve only been rediculed or given “the look” for my beliefs. I find when I say that something is in God’s hands most people straighten up their posture and agree with me. But I wonder if they are agreeing with me because they don’t want me to think that  they aren’t believers.

I was chatting with one of my co workers about our special needs children. I asked my co worker if she ever prayed concerning her 2 special needs sons. It was then that she told me she had been angry at God because of they disabilities her sons have. I honestly didn’t know how to respond to that. I explained that prayer had gotten me through a lot of the trials I’ve had with Thomas. My co worker just listened but didn’t respond that she would pray. She did say that she wasn’t mad at God anymore.

I want to think that I would admit to being a Christ follower if I knew “real” persecution were to follow. I wouldn’t  want to deny my Savior after He died the death He did for the sins of the world, for the sins of the very people who were persecuting him, the sins of all of us. My perfect Savior who one day will come again.

 

 

 

Due to the big snow storm we’re having, our great mayor has decided to close NYC schools. Being a Department of Education employee I also have a snow day. I love the DOE! My day hasn’t been all that productive. I binge watched the rest of season 2 of Stranger Things on Netflix this morning, talked on the phone with my mom and sister, made waffles for lunch and then made chili for tomorrow’s dinner. I just shoveled out our front walk and de-snowed my car. I didn’t have to shovel our sidewalk as my wonderful neighbor was great enough to snow blow it for me.

Its 5 o’clock and the snow is still coming. When I was binge watching Netflix I couldn’t help but be so thankful that our house is finished with construction. I look around and I really love my house and I’m so glad we bit the bullet and went forward with the renovation. It was talked about and planned for years before we went through with it this past January.

I’ve been thinking a lot about returning to school. I’d like to get my bachelor’s degree in nursing. I started it when I was pregnant with Alyssa and stopped after I had her. I was not that driven to try and go to school when my kids were young. Especially with what a handful Thomas was back in the day.  I’m not looking to get my degree and leave the Board of Ed. I really like my job. I would do this for me just so I could say I did it.

Speaking of my job. I still like going to work and I still really like my co workers. I know I’m fortunate. It looks now that NYC schools will be open tomorrow. That’s ok, I just dread cleaning off my car in the morning. I hope everyone had a great “snow day”.

 

I went to church today like I do every Sunday. The worship songs were spot on today;  one enough to make me teary eyed thinking of my dad while singing. We were singing “My God is Awesome” https://g.co/kgs/LhSJyX. And when we got to the part where we sing “…Heals me when I’m broken” I started thinking of daddy. There is no other healing than the healing that comes from the Lord. Daddy’s death broke me. There’s no describing to anyone the depth of pain that comes from losing a parent you deeply love and respected.

The main message this morning was about the Great Commission. That all Christian’s are to spread the Gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ. That he lived and died for our sins. He was hung on a cross like a criminal. He rose from the dead three days later. And we now have an advocate with the Father. Why is it so difficult to talk about Jesus? I know for me it’s easier for me to talk about God among my friends that I go to church with. I know they’re believers and there’s no discomfort or explaining. I know when an event or occurance had to be from the hand of God. In my life and their’s.

When I speak to friends at work whom I don’t know are believers or not there’s a lot of “oh how lucky… what a coincidence, talk about being at the right place at the right time…”. I don’t believe in coincidences, God has his hands in all  aspects of our lives.  Why is it so hard to say “No, it wasn’t a coincidence that I work 15 minutes from home after being told I was supposed to be worked in Manhattan” God had his hand all over where I am supposed to work. I have many testimonies as to how God is working in my life and how the power of prayer made mountains move. I know many reading this post have similar testimonies and it proves how God’s power and influence is undeniable.

I will be praying for the Holy Spirit to lead me and give me the words and courage to speak boldly about my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

One’s weight. For me it’s only an issue like now…because I’m overweight. I blame my meds which are notorious for causing weight gain. Also my age which is approaching 50, isn’t helping either. I just signed up for a fitness program called The Maxx Challenge. It’s 10 weeks. Five days a week you exercise at their gym and they give you nutritional counseling. I’m looking forward to starting on April 9th. Right after my birthday. I’m looking forward to exercising regularly. I could theoretically do this on my own but I feel I need the structure of an organized program. I belong to a gym now with Tommy but I have zero motivation to go. The only thing that gets me going is my friend Martha who asks me to go to yoga classes. I’ve been enjoying the yoga. Some classes are pretty “easy” I mean a lot of stretching and deep breathing and turning this way and that. Some classes you really break a sweat and that feels good to me. Like I’ve really challenged myself.

Its difficult to lose weight as I’m sure most of you know. There is so much really good not good for you food out there to enjoy! And it’s so hard not to over indulge.  Every now and then I’ll stumble across a great recipe that’s low carb/low cal and tastes great. Snacks are what get me the most. I’ve been keeping a lot of pretzels and fruit in the house to eat when that craving for a snack comes up. And for me it’s always after 7pm go figure.

So here’s to the new program I signed up for and to all of you who struggle with their weight with me. The struggle is real!

 

 

Ive cut my hair off; again. After I said I wouldn’t do it again, that it was too hard to grow it out…I grew it to almost my shoulders and couldn’t take it anymore. I had no style and I was tired of being blonde. So I made an appointment with one of my favorite hair stylists here where I live and showed her a picture of the cut I wanted and described the color. Natalya quickly went to get the color samples they offered and there it was: Rose gold. It’s a golden blonde with a tint of pink, not obnoxious and in your face pink more of a “hey… what color is that?” pink. And I love it both the cut and the color.  When I arrived at work the next day (I had it done on a Tuesday) everyone made me feel so great and they complimented both the cut and the color. And to top it off one of the school staff told me she had this tinted conditioner called “rose gold” that she wasn’t using. Without me even saying yes I want it she says, I’ll bring it in tomorrow. She did and it is an awesome product. It brightens up my color and pinkish tone gently. I love it! I’m so glad God put me in this school. The staff is just incredible I know I’ve said this before but I have to say it again and again. The principal is great and fair, as well as just about every other person in every position held. There are a few here and there I avoid or really keep my guard up around but for the most part everyone I come in contact with on a daily basis is caring, respectful and responsible. I’m in and out of one particular classroom literally all day, this one class is where most of my medically fragile students are so I’ve gotten pretty close with the staff. It’s nice to have those relationships and be a witness to how close they are with each other.

People are kind and ask how we’re coping with my dad’s recent death. My standard answer is, “We all have our moments” and it’s true we all do. My sister commented that lunch time is hard for her because she used to talk to daddy on the phone at that time of the day. I just got off the phone and my mom said it’s difficult for her to spend time in her house because she was so used to taking care of my dad when they were home together.  I’m fine when I’m at work because I’m busy for much of the day. I discovered that when I come home I immediately think of calling my mom and then I think of my dad and that gets me to the point where I’m very quiet and I don’t want to speak to my family. Not good.

I think of my dad every day. At various times of the day. Something will happen that I’ll want to tell him and it hits me that I can’t tell him. Even writing this is hard because I’m thinking of him right now as I’m writing and find myself in tears.

I went thrifting today and I thought of my dad. He loved to tell me how his mother would go to the same thrift store and find all sorts of good deals and how she was a very frugal person. So my love of the thrift is obviously genetic. My dad wasn’t big on thrift stores but he loved to hear about the treasures I found. And he would laugh at my joy. Daddy used to love going to flea markets and finding good deals. Englishtown NJ was his choice when we were younger and growing up.

We all have our moments…I suppose those moments become less intense as time goes by. I don’t know I’ve never had a loss as significant and deep as my dad to compare it to.

I miss so many things about my dad. I can’t pinpointed one specific quality of his that has caused this hole in my heart and my life. You seriously don’t realize how big a role someone plays i your life until they are gone. People always say after a loss go “hold on tight” or “tell so and so you live them before they’re gone” after a death. We knew daddy was battling cancer so I didn’t hesitate to tell him I loved him any chance I had. And he would say it back. I know he knew I loved him,  I’m glad I don’t have to wonder now that he’s gone.

Thomas is doing well in his group home. We’re still waiting for him to officially begin his day program but hopefully that will start ASAP and he’ll be able to get fully into a routine. I picked Thomas up early yesterday morning so we could go to church together. He did pretty well and was excited to see Tommy and our renovated house afterwards.

I’m writing this while I sit in my car, arriving early at work to ensure I get a “good” parking space since there is a very small parking lot reserved for the principal and AP’s and various office staff. The rest of us must park on the street and that’s ok. I’d rather get here early and get a “good” spot than arrive later and walk a half a mile.

The job is going well. A lot of people believe that because I have a special needs child I can relate better to the parents of the students I care for. Lately I don’t feel that is true. I relate to those parents mostly because I am also a parent and we all want what is best for our child, special needs or not.  Yes it takes a deeper sense of empathy which I do have, but I think we can all relate to each other; as parents plain and simple.

Most of my days at work are pretty busy. And that’s great because busy = the day goes quickly. I still enjoy coming to work. While each day is somewhat the same due to specific tasks I must do everyday for specific students; each day is also different because you never know what is going to happen next with this specific special needs population that I serve. There are students that are self injurious and require extra attention, there are students who have mini seizures some days, and there are always the walk ins where you never know what kind of issue they can have and if the student is non verbal you have that mountain to climb to be able to meet their needs. Through all those challenges God is in our midst. He had a huge part in my being here at this job in this location. And it’s my honor to serve Him while doing the best job I can.

I still run into staff who cared for or taught Thomas when he attended this school. It’s nice, they always have something positive to say about him and it makes my heart happy. Thomas told me recently that his staff/social worker from his recent school called him at the group home to see how he is doing. I thought that was great and Thomas was excited when he told me.

So I’m off to start another Monday. I know The Lord is with me and with these students and staff.

Today is a month since my dad died. Some days it feels like it was just yesterday. I feel it mostly on the weekends. During the week I’m busy at work and then after work there’s dinner to be made, laundry, cleaning, etc… Today I’ve been weepy. And I find going to church to be a trigger for grief. I think it’s because all I think about during worship is how great a God we serve and how great it is that my dad is with Jesus and every other loved one who went before him. It sets me off that no matter how happy I am for him to be in heaven I miss him terribly here on earth.

A month. That’s not a long amount of time to have passed when you’re grieving. It means it wasn’t too long ago that my dad was here with us even though he was either in the hospital or rehab facility. We were still able to visit him and talk to him, the last conversation I had with him was about my house renovation. He was so happy for Tommy and I. It was nice.

I’m glad I was able to spend his last night with him and my mother and sister. That Saturday night we were all at my parent’s house with all of our kids. It just worked out so perfectly.  When it came time to leave we asked my mom if she wanted us to stay and she said yes. I think we would have stayed even if she said no.

So I’ll go to church today and think about my dad and pray for my mom. I’ll think good thoughts that he is with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and hanging out and taking and laughing with all those that have gone before him.

After a kind of long/not so bad/ had its moments 6 weeks we are finished with our renovation! Our contractor quoted us 6 weeks and he was right. This past week was finishing touches such as the glass tile backsplash and my talented electrician brother in law setting up the television on the wall.

I know I couldn’t wait to get out of the basement. I was so happy to cook again and actually wash dishes in a sink. We didn’t use many reusable things during the renovation. We became experts on which paper plates were better than others. The basement wasn’t horrible, you just go a little stir crazy after a while. Samantha and I watched plenty of on demand television together. So there was that bonding experience. Lelly went off to the Netherlands on her foreign exchange program so she was able to escape during the last stages. It was nice to see her face when she walked in after being gone for 11 days.

My mom brought our dog Lola back home after 6 weeks of watching her for us. We had asked my mom to take her when the renovation began. Lola is a bit high maintenance so I didn’t see her staying in the house during the demolition as a good thing. She would be more interested in playing with who ever is there to work.

I love our new house!  And I’m pleasantly surprised at how easy going Tommy and I were about things such as picking out colors, moulding and finishings. There was no arguing and very little disagreement. I’m sure our attitudes come with age and that we were more concerned with keeping each other happy rather than keeping ourselves happy.

I miss my Dad. I wish he could have seen this renovation to completion. I showed him pictures in the beginning and he was so happy for us; that we were doing it and impressed with the level of demolition down to the studs. When I was a young child my parents did similar to their own house so he would talk to me with remembrance and admiration in his voice. I know it can be said that he’s watching everything from where he is now;  I’d just rather he physically be here.

Thomas is so happy with the results and can’t wait to sleepover. I brought him to the house one afternoon while the painters were still here. He was so good and asked plenty of questions. Thomas  was especially interested in whether or not Tommy had paid them; go figure. Steve, the painter, answered that no Tommy hadn’t paid them yet. We all had a good laugh. Thomas has a great sense of humor.

One of Tommy’s friends tiled the backsplash for us on Saturday. It looks so good and really finishes off the kitchen. I’m grateful for talented relatives and friends.

 

 

On Saturday Tommy and his friends unloaded most of the POD that was housing our belongings and furniture. The side effect of going “open concept” is less wall space to hang a lot of my wall hangings. So I have a lot for sale on Facebook yard sale groups. Yesterday a friend wanted a mirror I had just posted only minutes before. She came and picked it up yesterday and we had a chance to catch up so it was a win win situation, yay!

Unfortunately a lot of my fragile collectibles were broken while in storage. My wedding cake topper was a porcelain statue of Cinderella and the Prince dancing. It was broken beyond repair as well as a couple of other sentimental pieces. I’ve come to the conclusion that they are only “things”. I have pictures and memories with those belongings and I can always scour EBay for replacements if I choose. I’m glad pieces from my mother in law remained intact. My mom thinks the constant change of temperature we had in January played a huge part in the breakage issue. I agree.

Yesterday at church a few of people came over to me to express sympathy for my dad’s passing. I never thought it would be so hard to thank them as it was. I immediately started crying and could barely acknowledge what they were saying. One dear man named Ray said to me at “You only get one father…”that about killed me. I had to stop and get myself together before leaving the church. Samantha was sweet and gave me a hug. Have I mentioned how much I love my church family?

My small group/bible study group meets this week after a 6 week hiatus. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone and the fellowship we have. I’m off from work this week for mid winter break. I still can’t believe that I’m off and I get paid for it. I love the Board of Ed!